Donors name to the child

[smileygirl1995]

Hi all, quick curiosity question...
Anyone who has used a sperm donor, who do
You refer to them as when talking about them to other people or your child....? Are they "dad" "name" "uncle" or just "donor" I have a great relationship with my donor and want my someday baby (not pregnant yet) to one day know that, so I was thinking of just referring to them as dad but is that confusing....? Is there a different term people use......? 😁 xx

I would stick with donor, as that is what he is :)

Agreed - I think "Dad" is rarely used unless it is a co-parenting situation to avoid confusion. Many people won't have a friendship with their child's donor, so "Donor" is always going to be the most commonplace term.

But I suppose if you have a good friendship with your donor and the child will see them fairly often, you might want use "First name" or even "Uncle First name" - whatever your child would also call your other friends (you can explain this particular friend also happens to be their donor to your DC as soon as they are old enough to begin to understand or ask about "Dad's").

Well the truth is your donor will be your child's genetic father! If your child is going to get to know and have a relationship with this man definitely do not use the term 'uncle' as that will be confusing and not true!

Talk honestly and age appropriately about this real person who donated to you to make him/her and that can include Dad of course. You may want to use donor dad for example? You should really discuss this with your donor and hopefully have had some legal advice regarding access and involvement etc?

Eventually, as DC children grow up they decide what to call their donor and dad may be their choice as well. Keep it open and don't close any doors yet.

Also, the Donor Conception Network is a great resource for those thinking about using a donor (known or not) and they also produce books for children using known donation and books for donors.

Best of luck!
C

I wouldn’t go with dad unless the donor is board with that and is willing to play a parenting role in some way. Otherwise you could be setting up your child for a lifetime of feeling that their ‘dad’ isn’t interested in them, when he was never going to be part of their life.

Most people I’ve heard of would use biological father, which is a mouthful but accurate and not suggesting any type of relationship except DNA.

Donor

What about father rather than dad? To me dad implies someone who is involved in day to day whereas father can literally be someone who fathered the child.

I also wouldn't use dad or father or any related term. It would set up unfair and unrealistic expectations for both the child and donor.

I would refer to them as their firstname, and when the conception comes up (as there is no doubt it will), refer to them as the donor.

I agree it's unusual to be friends with your donor, and a potentially fraught situation, so you might want to think about all the questions the child may ask and how you'll answer them - and I'd discuss that with your donor as well.

Have you fully communicated this to your 'donor' ? perhaps they want to be a parent and typically it's normal for donor expectations to be separate. You seem happy enough with the prospect of the donor having the option of being classed as 'dad' so speak directly to them about what they would ideally want the situation to look like