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Donor conception

? Egg donor for 3rd child

4 replies

Countrybumpkin19 · 28/06/2021 14:00

Hi all
Would really appreciate your thoughts. I have 2 wonderful DDs and used to think my family was complete. Sadly 6 months ago my youngest was diagnosed with a likely life limiting condition (though she is currently healthy and hopefully will continue to be so for many years yet). We are obviously devastated by this diagnosis and are still coming to terms with it. Recently I have started thinking about a 3rd child. Partly because I could not bear for my eldest to be an only child in the future, partly because I want something positive and hopeful to focus on after the difficult 6 months we have had, but most importantly because I feel that a 3rd child would make a wonderful addition to our family. I also have friends who have recently had a 3rd child and am now feeling that all familiar biological instinct kick in. The complicating factor is that I would be worried about having a natural conception due to a 25% risk that any future child would inherit the same condition. I have thought about IVF with pre genetic diagnosis, but this appears to be v expensive with lowish chances of success in my age group (I am 38) - and even if we had a healthy embryo free of the condition they may still be a carrier. This has led me to consider IVF with a donor egg. I am not too concerned about the lack of a biological link to myself having already had 2 biological children, and the child would still have a genetic link to the family through my husband. We would also be honest with the child about their origins from the outset. Am I mad to consider this?

OP posts:
Eggcellent29 · 01/07/2021 09:38

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IamnotwhouthinkIam · 01/07/2021 20:36

@Countrybumpkin19 - just wanted to say something since you haven't had any replies as yet. Sorry I can't help advice (I'm currently trying with a sperm donor for my first/only child) but have you contacted the UK Donor Conception Network charity for advice? I think they have quite a few members somewhat in your situation - at least in so far as egg or sperm donation used when there are already full genetic children/siblings in the family (I think they even have a booklet about it), so might be worth getting in touch?

RedPandaFluff · 01/07/2021 20:42

Not mad at all to consider it, @Countrybumpkin19, but as you've already realised, there are so many things to consider in your decision-making. Donor Conception Network is a great place to start.

I have a donor-egg conceived DD, my only child, so I can't give you a perspective on what it's like to have biological children as well as a donor egg child, but if you want experiences on donor egg conception generally then I'm happy to offer mine if you're interested.

Ems2021 · 19/08/2021 19:38

Hello, I've just come across your post and had to reply. I'm in a very similar situation.

So in 2013, we had our third child. A much longed for daughter after our 2 lovely boys. I was sterilised in her c-section as I felt my family was complete. I'd always wanted 3 children and was blessed with them. However, my daughter was then diagnosed with a very rare, terminal genetic condition. We lost her aged 1 year.
A couple of years ago we both realised that we wanted another child, nobody can ever fill her space, but we just felt incomplete again and have lots of love to give. However, due to how rare her condition is they are unable to provide any genetic testing, so we couldn't have PGD or any amniocentesis/cvs. We would have 25% chance of the child being affected (her condition it is proving to be more like 33%) we couldn't take the risk of going through all that, 9 months of carrying a child to then be told it had the condition and we would lose it. I couldn't do that to my children. So after another year of thinking and researching, counselling with the clinic etc we went through IVF with a donor egg abroad. I am pleased to say we have just had our bfp!
I don't know if this helps you at all, but you're not alone in this xx

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