Should I quit IVF at 35 or go to donor eggs/embryo?

[NShine]

Hi all, I've read so many mumsnet conversations over the years and never posted anything until now. I'm married, aged 35, with a 7 year old child and after a number of unsuccessful rounds of ICSI, I think my consultant will suggest going to donor eggs/embryos next.
Really don't know what to do, my partner and I could get over the lack of genetic connection but I'm not sure I can face more cycles. Also, we're Asian so that adds another complication trying to find Asian donors.
I don't think either of us are up for adoption, we're scared that an adopted child would be too much to take on for us and detrimental to our birth DD. However, we always imagined our life with 2 children.

This is my history:
2013 - Had ICSI due to mild MFI (low motility), resulted in DD born 2014
2017 - FET, had a miscarriage at 6 wks
2019 - Stage 3 Endometriosis discovered, had laparascopy to remove.
2019 - ICSI, 5 eggs collected, 1 average 3DT transferred, nothing to freeze, had BFP but miscarriage soon after.
2020 - ICSI, 8 eggs collected but sperm was terrible in that cycle, nothing to freeze, 2 average embryos, had 3DT, BFN
2021 - ICSI, switched clinics, 14 eggs collected of which 13 mature, 5 fertilised, 1 embryo, 5DT, BFN. Nothing to freeze. Had intralipids with that cycle as Level 1 and 2 tests confirmed high NK cells.

Any helpful advice welcome.

Hi, sorry you are going through such a tough time to conceive. If they previously identified MFI, could a sperm donor be an option? I am just starting IUI so don't really know much about IVF, other than it is pretty invasive. Could the MC and BFN be linked to the embryo not being viable due to make factor rather than down to your eggs?
Also have you been taking supplements to help egg quality, such as CoQ10? "It Starts with the Egg" is a very interesting book with ideas to help boost fertility if you haven't read that already.

I hope someone else comes along with some more insight/advice for you

That sounds so tough. I did 3 IVF cycles - 1x early miscarriage, 1x BFN but 2 embryos for the freezer, and 1x FET BFP but mmc at 11 weeks. I don’t blame you for not wanting to do more, it is so grueling.

It sounds like there are challenges with both getting enough embryos to fertilize and also getting conditions right for transfer. Donor eggs might overcome this but it could just lead to more miscarriages. It feels like there is more to figure out that just a straight move to donor eggs. For example, could it be worth trying steroids for NK issues.

Has your DH taken steps to try and improve sperm quality?

I know this might sound a bit simplistic - but have you tried taking low dose aspirin? This is the thing that changed everything for me, and it’s so cheap and easy to do. I have one DD - after my 3 IVF cycles, I started taking aspirin and was able to get pregnant naturally, have since conceived naturally 4 times but as yet don’t have DC2 as two of those have been losses.

Knowing when to stop is a big thing, it’s a hard decision to make but it’s a valid choice. I think we get sold this ‘never give up’ narrative in relation to fertility but it is more than ok to say enough is enough.

Whatever you do, good luck. I know what it’s like to have given up so many years of life to ttc. ♥️

Hi sorry to read this, you’ve had such a rough time of it, it does sound like you may be looking at donor embryo/egg next, but have you had your TSH levels checked? I’ve had one round of ICSI which resulted in BFN and now going straight to donor eggs as I only got 3 eggs collected one survived to day 5 but did not quite reach blastocyst stage although they still transferred it. Due to my age/AMH I’ve been advised it’s very low

in a similar position with no children - two miscarriages and low AMH / AFC at 37. About to start ivf. Would be keen to hear how everyone has got on xx

2 years on from my previous post and I went ahead with donor, best decision of my life. I now have a beautiful DS.
Although not genetically related, I grew him in my tummy and felt every movement, it was my blood that flowed through the placenta and it’s my breast milk that feeds him now. He is my son no doubt about it. No fertility journey is easy with many tough decisions and heartbreaks and some are sadly never successful, so go easy on yourself, give yourself the best chance and just take each step at a time xxx

@Margwit thank you so much for getting back to me and so so happy for you that everything came good for you! If you don’t mind me asking how old were you when you started TTC and did you have success on first transfer? Due to my previous miscarriage history and suspected endo and lack of AMH and AFC I am just so so scared that it is never going to happen for me and my partner. We are throwing everything at it and trying to do everything we can. It’s going to be a tough few years as if it hasn’t been hard enough but I love hearing stories that work out in the end. It gives me hope so thank you xxx

I had TTC for a few years with my ex partner but it never happened for us (he has other children). I was then on my own and didn’t want to leave it any longer so at 40 I looked into fertility with the idea of artificial insemination but found I had low AMH, so AI wasn’t an option. Even though I had a low chance with my own eggs I wanted to at least try IVF. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful and also had a bad reaction with the egg collection so then had to decide whether to go again with very little chance of success or try donor eggs. It was a hard decision emotionally but logically the best way was to use donor eggs as a much higher chance of success and as harsh as it sounds I only had a certain amount of money to keep trying, plus I was getting older each time. I was just 43 when I conceived with donor eggs on my first donor round and couldn’t be happier with my gorgeous boy, he was meant to be my son.
Its all so emotional and exciting but I really tried to stay rational and logical about it all, and not get ahead of myself, it’s a long old process and soooo many steps you just want to rush on through but really do take each step at a time. and don’t be broken if the first time fails, sadly the first time is usually a trial run….they used data from my first round with my own eggs to tweak the treatment on my next round cycle with donor eggs.
Hang in there, allow yourself to be excited as positivity really is key but remember to keep a part of you logical/rational to save your sanity. xxx

Hi all, I hadn't followed this thread as so much has happened since I last posted. I got pregnant in 2021 and went on to have twins. So I now have a 9 yr old and 1 yr old twins!
They were frozen embryos (our own) and had been frozen for 8 years, we had them transported from our previous clinic to our new clinic and I had a very straightforward FET there. You might wonder why I had kept them frozen for so long, but we kept being told to do fresh cycles and leave them as a last resort. So we never ended up going down the donor route and I think it was all down to embryo quality in the end.
I hope this story brings others hope, I really never thought that this would happen and our family would be complete in this way.

Congratulations. That is wonderful news

I have decided to use donor embryos but keep doubting my decision eveb though i know deep.dpwn ots the right thing to do.

I had an ectopic pregnancy when i was 27 then after i got married one miscarriage and two chemical pregnancies. We started IVF in 2023 i had three cycles privately with the NHS i produced 9 eggs first round 2 made it to blast failed cycle. Second round i had 6 eggs 2 excellent blasts both failed. Last cycle 6 eggs 2 poor blast failed.

I then went to Turkey where they found i had a polyp in my uterus that was removed ( I dont know if this had affected all of my previous cycles). I had my 4th round which produced 5 eggs but only 3 where mature 2 fertilised and made it to good blasts i had a chemical pregnancy. I haven't done any pgta testing.

I then upped my game started top brand supplements and red light ready for a 5th cycle and got pregnant naturally that ended up being another loss suspected ectopic.

My selfish husband then went on a bender smoking weed and drinking so i refused to do a 5th cycle as i am 40 with DOR and i wasnt able to delay the treatment any longer. I dont even know if he gas done this throughout the tine we have been trying. I thought donor embryos was the right choice its all been arranged but i keep doubting my decision.

I dont know if this is just normal do have doubts. I dont think i can cope with anymore heartache 💔

I agree with IamnotwhouthinkIam. If you have time, I recommend looking into options abroad—here’s a calculator to help you understand the costs https://www.fertilityclinicsabroad.com/ivf-cost-calculator/. Some clinics also offer shared programs or money-back guarantee packages. Try to dig a bit deeper; there may still be options to help cover the cost of treatment. However, if IUI has a good chance of success in your case, I personally wouldn’t rush into IVF.