Egg Donor Goodwill message/pen portrait

[copperboom21]

I am in the middle of the egg donation process at the moment and have come to the point of needing to write my goodwill message and pen portrait for the potential future parents and child/children. I have been struggling with what to write/how much information to give (I know any identifying info will be removed).
I'd really love to know from anyone who has gone through or is about to go through the process of receiving donor eggs, what would you like to know about your donor? What info would be too much/not enough? I want to be as helpful as possible but I don't know what would be too much. For people who have gone through it already, was there anything missing from the message you wish they had added?

I haven’t got an answer to your question @copperboom21 as I have not gone through this but am looking into it. I just wanted to say what amazing thing you are doing, giving the gift of a child to those who otherwise would be unable to have children. You’re a special kind of human

What a lovely thing you are doing! I haven't got to the stage of donor eggs yet, but I am using donor sperm and I can say what I like to hear from sperm donors on their "pen portrait" , if that helps? In no particular order:

• I like to know why they donated (some talk about how they wanted to help people or mention friends or family that have had fertility problems) - may seem obvious but remember the parent/parents may show it to their DC later, so it's nice to have evidence of your kindness there in black and white.

• a bit about your family -ie. your parents/grandparents, if you have DC of your own, numbers of brothers and sisters, if you have nephews and nieces (obviously non -identifying info though!). Might help the DC to feel more connected to you, even though they will never meet them.

• something about your interests - any sports, pets, hobbies, type of job or what you studied at uni/college. Again may help the DC feel connected if they turn out to have similar gifts/interests or help the potential parents chose you because you have a complementary interest/hobby.

-perhaps what you might think it is most important thing you'd like the DC to know based on your life experience in case the parent/s show them the letter (maybe think of what you would tell an teenage you if you could go back in time - eg. to always try your best, or don't give up/don't be afraid of failure, or the most important thing is be happy or to be open to new experiences, or to not compare yourself to others etc, whatever resonates with you ).

Hope that helps!

Hi, about to begin the process of ttc with an egg donor.

• why you chose to donate, what it means to you.
• interests, hobbies
• what you are like as a person, e.g. sporty, quiet, night owl, deep thinker
• family background, including things such as racial diversity and genetics, but keep this section factual rather than emotional. This is the area that swung my choice of donor. For example, "my great grandfather was from India, one of my siblings has red hair, twins run in our family" - very useful and interesting, but "I have several siblings, we are all so close and go on holidays together, family is important to us" - not useful and would put me off because the future child is my family not yours.

I actually read something from a donor that said how she hoped the future child would make contact in future because her relatives were looking forward to welcoming them to the family Thank you for being a donor! As someone who cannot conceive naturally it means the world to me that people like you exist.

I disagree slightly with the above poster - while I think a donor saying they would really want to meet the DC in future might be off-putting to some parents, one of the reasons I chose my sperm donor rather than others was precisely because he said in his pen- portrait he would be happy to meet the DC in future if they (the DC) wanted.

A while I understand his situation could change/he could change his mind in 20 years, I've also read about how many donor conceived children would like to eventually meet their donors so it was nice to see he was at least open to that for now.

while I think a donor saying they would really want to meet the DC in future might be off-putting to some parents,

That isn't what I said. The possibility for the donor and future conceived child to make contact or meet is important if the child chooses that. But I said that the donor should not write that they think of the future child as part of their family. They are donating eggs for someone else to have a family. I know from my own experience that this is covered in detail during the preparation before donating eggs. It might well be different for sperm donors though.

Thanks for all the comments! It has been really helpful :) Also I totally get what you're saying about how to phrase it as being open to contact in the future but also acknowledging that their family is very much the people who raised them. Given me lots to think about. Appreciate it! Also sending so much hope and love to those trying to conceive. I am filled with so much joy to think I will hopefully be helping some couple out there somewhere to have the child they want so much.