49 still want another ... donor eggs ? Too late

[Wish4another]

Hi there
2 miscarriages in last 2 years ( natural conception)
Still can’t move on . Only option now is donor eggs but is it too late ? Covid has added to the decision making dilemma too ... anyone tried this old ?
Many thanks and best wishes to all ttc xx

[Workyticket]

Sorry op but at 49 your body is telling you that it's too old. Do you have children already?

[WhatKatyDidNxt]

What do you and your partner want? The problem is people think these feelings just go away -they don’t! When our ivf failed people assumed it was all over and we had moved on but we hadn’t. Back to your original question is do you feel you are? We are contemplating trying donor eggs, lm round the corner from 41. If we don’t get anywhere with this round then we are giving up. A combination of being burned out by it all and our ages -we will be 42 and 40 by that point but that’s just applies to us

[IamnotwhouthinkIam]

I think for me it would depend on a combination of factors- how many children I already had, their ages, how healthy I was, and how old/healthy my partner was.

I think if my child already had a sibling or there would be a big age gap, I would try counselling first to try to move on (because both IVF and pregnancy can take a lot out of you when you are older and already have children to look after and well as donor gametes having emotional implications for you, your family, and the child).

However I'm not in your position (I'm younger, having Donor IVF to try to have my first child). Hopefully someone else will reply who has been through similar feelings to you. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Aquamarine1029]

Do you already have children?

[LizFlowers]

Is there nothing good/happy in your life on which you can focus rather than wanting a baby at 49?

[Wish4another]

We have a beautiful 8 year old daughter so yes we are blessed and we have lots of great things to be thankful for . If I hadn’t gotten pregnant twice in recent years I don’t think I’d have this awful desire to have another . The counsellor is a good idea and one that I’ll certainly consider . Thank you all for your comments I really appreciate them x

[user686233]

Have you considered fostering or adoption?

[Wish4another]

Yes , adoption but I live in Ireland and the wait time is years . We would both love to but would be too old by the time we would have all the stages of the process completed

[RickiTarr]

There are lots of people who will be against it, but there are much worse things you could want to do with your life than nurture another child and give your existing DC a sibling.

Some women even have babies naturally in their late forties. If you can afford it and you’re sure, it’s nobody’s business but yours.

[ShaunTgirl]

Wish4another,
I also had an 8 year old and by time wanted sibling my eggs were definitely on wrong side of 40!
So used donor eggs and ended up having twins aged 45.
If it's niggling away like you say, then it won't go away unless you try, that's how I felt.
Was a big of a slog looking back now (few failed attempts) but all worth it now.
Yes I'm an old mum but having wee ones keeps me active and in my toes!

[Midlifebaby]

I had my baby last year when I was 49. Became pregnant at 48...donor egg, top UK clinic. Go for it, and best of luck x

[Angliski]

Agree with @RickiTarr @Midlifebaby no one else’s business. It’s your life- do what is in your heart.

[diwrnachoflleyn]

Sorry, but I think it's too old. Find egg donation morally and ethically exploitative, especially buying a woman's genetic material from another country.

[bluebluezoo]

I couldn’t use donor eggs personally. I hated pregnancy and birth, it’s a physical risk anyway.

If I’m not going to be genetically related to the child anyway I’d look at fostering or adoption. Perhaps an older child so I know I’m not going to be 60 when they’re in their teens.

That’s just me though.

[user1471604848]

I was almost 48 last year, having twins via donor egg.
It's amazing, but hard work. If I had an 8 year older already, I probably wouldn't go again at 49. But it depends on how much you want it / finances / support etc.
Also some clinics stop treating women after their 50th birthday, so you might have to make a decision quickly. However there are clinics abroad (eg in Cyprus) that treat women till 55.
Good luck with your decision!

[Rap40]

I can't believe some of the comments on here! If you want to go down the donor route then that's your decision (with your partner's support) and yours alone! I'm 48 and am wanting to go down the donor route myself, not having had the chance before. Apart from all the other factors, the biggest decision on whether I get it or not, is if I am able to deal with the possibility that my donor conceived child would not be able to to trace her 'real' mum.
All the best with what ever you decide!

[GreyGoose1980]

Hi OP
I’m doing my first round of DE after failed OE ivf as after a couple of miscarriages, the last one at 40, I personally felt that my OE were no longer genetically good enough. As to whether you do DE, it’s a personal choice. I don’t think being 49 should automatically disqualify you. Your daughter is only 8 so the age gap isn’t massive. It also depends on your overall health, support network and financial security, and the age of your DP too.
@Rap40 - You may be aware of this already but just to confirm, if you do DE in the UK there is Id release at 18.

[Rap40]

Yes thanks for the heads up Grey Goose 1980, but the UK is sadly too expensive for me. I know Portugal already do this as well, but may go to Cyprus instead. 🙂

[Angliski]

@Rap40 we went to the Czech Republic.

[jessstan2]

Please do try and find something else on which to focus your attention and fill the gap. I am truly sorry about your miscarriages but you do have a child. Enjoy her, you are blessed.

[Rap40]

Will you kid be able to find their real mum if possible? I did look at that but think the age limit is lower?!

[Dreamer1975]

So your 49 it's no big ideal, people would have the same negative opinions if you were 16.
Not everything works out as it should time wise.
Why should people be punish for that?
I have two brothers 10 & 14 years older than me, did it or does it make a difference to me, no! Do I worry about an age gap, no!
It's not about how old you are or how these children came to be in your care, that's not what being a mother is about. It's about being there for your/ a child unconditionally. Anyone can have a child but not everyone can be a mother! What about all the step mums, adopted mums, foster mums and that woman friend, that's not biology-related that some of us think of as our other mum! No one comments on their age!
There are also a lot of women that should have the title MUM taken away from them because they don't deserve it! So don't let being a few years older than what is considered politically correct stop you!
If you can care and love a child into adulthood surely that's what's most important whatever age. So you might be the older mum in the playground better to be a great older mum than a crap young one!
Do what's best for you.
Ps I have nothing against mums of any age as long as the child comes first. 😊

[jessstan2]

I don't think age gap matters but choosing to have a baby at 50 is a bit too old in my opinion. I've never known anyone who would want to have a baby at that age, especially if they are a mother already. It happens occasionally but by accident (like Sharon Watts Mitchell in Eastenders).

Anyway procedures, eg surrogacy and IVF, are frequently unsuccessful.

[ivfbeenbusy]

Personally it's too old and with donor eggs to boot it's just not fair on the child

[OldieMama]

I had my first baby at 40 (first month of trying). I had my second baby at 46 (complete surprise...the first time we said we'd abandon birth control,). I realise how lucky I am. My babies are truly a blessing. But I would love to have one more baby. Anyone have another ay age 48? The latest natural pregnancy in my family was 51. Healthy baby.