Page 2 | Anyone else over 40 and single considering becoming a single mum by choice?

Onetwothree456 · 2020-12-06T12:13:31+00:00

Hello, I've found myself single at 41 and thinking about finally going ahead with IVF to become a single mum by choice. It would be great to be in touch with any other women in the same boat so we can support each other along the way? A bit more about me: My last relationship ended a couple of years ago and I've been seriously thinking about this for a few years. I'm potentially thinking about kickstarting this early next year using sperm donor (for IVF and PGS) and possibly using a more affordable clinic in Europe (pandemic-depending). It would be great to hear from anyone else in the same boat. And for anyone who has just gone through this, it would be great to hear how you're coping with life as an older single mum? Including potentially how you're juggling finances of going it alone too (for those without family support close by)? I would possibly only be able to have a short time off work so I'd be interested to hear how others manage this - as well as conception plans. :) But it would be great to have some fellow buddies in the same boat so we can support each other along the way.

IsabelHerna · 18/06/2021 07:29

Hi all! Can I join in?

I am on the same boat, single, 39, and I decided to go ahead and start my family. Thankfully I have a supportive family that will help out with the child, but I of course I will need some extra (payed) childcare as well.
I am at the stage of looking for clinics, I have decided that I would like an anonymus sperm donor, with an extensive health check.

Nice to meet you all, wishing you all luck!!

jmap81 · 08/07/2021 19:12

Hi all, I am 39, single, and recently started stimulated IUI with LWC, using sperm from LSB. I wanted to start in the least invasive way even though I know the stats are not great. I have paid for 3 rounds and guess I will move to IVF at that time if I need to. Wishing everyone here luck - would love to stay contacted.

LewishamMum · 09/07/2021 14:32

@IsabelHerna
Sperm donation in the UK (including from abroad but for use in the UK) can't be anonymous.
Personally I'm glad my DD (born with sperm donor from California) will have the opportunity to make contact in the future if that's what she wants.

Sunbird24 · 09/07/2021 14:39

I’m 43, was 42 when I did the ivf, currently 4 days post my third transfer, two 5 day blasts. Got BFPs on both previous attempts but nothing going by the time I had a scan at the clinic (2nd attempt one of the two transferred got far enough along for a heartbeat at s private scan at 6+5 but didn’t make it to 8 weeks)
I’m with Care, used Xytex spermicide bank in the US. Donor was negative for 283 tested genetic issues)
Best of luck to everyone else!

Sunbird24 · 09/07/2021 14:41

@jmap81 I know of a same sex couple who are pregnant after treatment at LWC, they’re very happy with the result (obviously!) but said their admin was horrendous. If you have any issues with them please complain as they got quite a bit of their money back.

IsabelHerna · 12/07/2021 15:22

@LewishamMum Oh I didn't know that. I am based in Spain atm, so I think I'm covered, though I will have to check it. Best of luck to everyone!

Sofari · 19/07/2021 17:25

42 in 4 months , single, TTC for last 3 years , 2 failed IUIs , 1 IVF failed , 1 IVF discontinued due low number of follicles (3) using best friend as donor. AMH 6.9
At a junction where I feel I should consider donor eggs.
The lack of care and service at clinics in Canada make me want to consider Europe.
Any recommendations for clinics in Greece, Cyprus, Czech, Spain ? with over 41 success with own eggs.
Maybe its this weeks failed cycle and the hormones pumped that make this dream an unattainable feat.
But never have I contemplated not doing this single or not.
Reading the posts on this thread leave me with a renewed energy . Good luck to all you troopers!

IsabelHerna · 26/07/2021 09:37

@sofari I'm sorry for all that you've been trough while ttc. I would recommend coming to Europe. So far I have narrowed it down to 3 clinics IVF Spain, Newlife in Greece and Dunya in North Cyprus. I would say try to talk to all of them, check their social media, and try to see which one is giving the right feeling.
I think travelling for IVF can be a bit different experience so please make sure that you have plenty of communication and support from a clinic before jumping in. At least this has been my experience so far.
Good luck!

anthurium · 22/10/2021 07:34

How's everyone and the Op getting on?
@Onetwothree456

TinyTroubleMaker · 07/11/2021 10:33

I'm interested to join the thread though not sure who's still around as posts are a bit older.

I conceived naturally and extremely easily (literally first time) in early 30s, however single since and considering sperm donation. No idea what my fertility will be like now.

anthurium · 07/11/2021 10:50

@TinyTroubleMaker

I'm interested to join the thread though not sure who's still around as posts are a bit older.

I conceived naturally and extremely easily (literally first time) in early 30s, however single since and considering sperm donation. No idea what my fertility will be like now.

@TinyTroubleMaker

Hi, and welcome

What are you interested in knowing specifically?

Hyppyb · 13/11/2021 15:12

I'm 38, single, came to the decision to be a mum. I took the leap and had iui with donor from a sperm bank. I just felt it was legally and medically safer plus peace of mind, like the amount of tests they do on the person but I understand how co parenting / donor sites are appealing.

I'm 7 days from ovulation and will officially know in 7 days from a pregnancy test. I've had symptoms like hiccups, dry mouth, fatigue but I had one hcg trigger shot so I feel the symptoms could be from that.

It took me 3 to 4 years to make the decision although in that time I bought a 2 bed house, had tests found I had fibroids. Its definitely a hard decision but it come down to do you want to have a child now when your fertile or risking never having a child naturally. I have things against me like being single, no parents, no siblings but I feel we have one life and shouldn't let hurdles stop you.

Musttryharder2021 · 13/11/2021 16:44

@Hyppyb

I'm 38, single, came to the decision to be a mum. I took the leap and had iui with donor from a sperm bank. I just felt it was legally and medically safer plus peace of mind, like the amount of tests they do on the person but I understand how co parenting / donor sites are appealing.

I'm 7 days from ovulation and will officially know in 7 days from a pregnancy test. I've had symptoms like hiccups, dry mouth, fatigue but I had one hcg trigger shot so I feel the symptoms could be from that.

It took me 3 to 4 years to make the decision although in that time I bought a 2 bed house, had tests found I had fibroids. Its definitely a hard decision but it come down to do you want to have a child now when your fertile or risking never having a child naturally. I have things against me like being single, no parents, no siblings but I feel we have one life and shouldn't let hurdles stop you.

@Hyppyb

Hi op, I totally agree with what you said "it come down to do you want to have a child now when your fertile or risking never having a child naturally."

This is what has pushed me to make a decision too (I was 38/39). During my fertility checks it was discovered I have a blocked fallopian tube (I never would have known otherwise!). I also went down the regulated route (sperm bank and a licensed clinic). I had one failed IUI and then 6 months later in Feb this year a round of fresh IVF which was successful.

I have a mother and a sister but they are in a different city/abroad, so no family nearby that can help out in emergencies. Also single. Secure housing & job though. Just like what you've said, we have one life.

Good luck with the pregnancy test!

Hyppyb · 13/11/2021 17:07

@44Musttryharder2021

It's nice to hear you've been successful Hope you're pregnancy is going well. Yeah it's not an easy decision at all but I feel for us women who take this huge leap we're clearly committed to being mums. For years I kind of tortured myself over the decision but when I had the IUI I actually felt at peace.

Blocked fallopian tube was something they thought I might have as I have so many fibroids but a hysteroscopy (a camera inside the womb) showing it wasnt blocked.

I feel the 1 hcg trigger shot is what's making things tricky as now I'm like are my symptoms from that or actual pregnancy. I plan on doing a couple more IUIs if this cycle it doesnt happen for me.

Original poster

Onetwothree456 · 15/12/2021 23:11

Hi everyone, it's really nice to see this thread is still active. :)
I started a new job just under a year ago, so placed my plans on hold. But I'm just getting back to the baby plan now. I've had my fertility tests and have been looking at sperm donors.
I think I've decided on a donor at Cyros Denmark. And I've also warmed up some close family and a friend to the idea.
So I'm excited to get started!
I have my consultation with the clinic tomorrow. My AMH was sky high which I'm hoping is good, but points to PCOS, so we'll see.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed and will be back to post an update. :)

OP posts:

Hyppyb · 15/12/2021 23:29

Good luck. Hope it all goes well tomorrow.

An update for me is that I think my first IUI resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I was sleeping and was awoken by a forceful period, one I’ve never experienced before. I feel ok and actually positive because it means fertilisation happened. So trying again with Iui next month.

Original poster

Onetwothree456 · 19/12/2021 09:58

Morning all, I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

My appointment went well. My AMH was 77.7 and I had 36 follicles at the scan (which has been a real surprise), so I've been told I'll hopefully only need one round if IVF to get a good 'harvest'. I think although I have potential PCOS, hopefully some of those eggs will fine to use.

So now back to the donor search! It's such a shame that we can't see pictures of UK based donors. I'm mainly looking on Cryos and Xytex. But for the 2 donors that I prefer, I'd need to have treatment in Denmark because the UK reached its quota (although no reported pregnancies from that donor, which is confusing).

OP posts:

ingkir · 01/01/2022 12:52

@Onetwothree456 glad your appointment went well.

The way quotas work is you get a pregnancy 'slot' allocated to you when you buy the sperm which is why donors can have full quotas but no reported pregnancies. Clinics report back to the sperm banks on the outcome of treatment so if someone has a successful pregnancy the slot gets confirmed and if not (and they've used all the sperm they purchased) then the slot gets reopened for someone else to use. Hope that makes sense.

Marty13 · 11/02/2022 03:20

Hey @Onetwothree456, I bought sperm from Cryos too and have two boys now. Best thing I ever did. I had treatment in Denmark (due to legal issues in the country where I lived at the time) and had a great experience. I hope it all works out for you.

Don't worry about friends and family. Mine were utterly unsupportive but they've had to deal with it, and I wouldn't stay childless just to make them happy. Good people will stand by you and the rest of them aren't a big loss.

It's hard to pick a donor, isn't it ? I spent a lot of time going through all the profiles and then shortlisting profiles. I'm really happy with the one I picked, and I think it's really important to like the donor and feel confident they're the right one for you.

vera16 · 13/02/2022 05:02

Hi all, I had success with own eggs at 40. I used LWC/Cryos and didn't have too many issues.

Bubblesdublin · 27/02/2022 14:41

Have you picked a donor yet OP

Totorotoes · 22/04/2022 10:16

Hi,
Is anyone still on this thread? I am 40, single, and planning to start trying in the next few months. Would love to hear updates on your journeys! I am naively thinking of starting with IUI but waiting for my clinic consultation to decide. I'm worried about having to have hormone injections as my body/ mind seems to go crazy when I've tried any pill in the past!

tigger2022 · 24/04/2022 16:25

I am currently 10+3 weeks pregnant via IUI with a donor. I would recommend UK clinics since it took so many appointments and tests just for 1 attempt and it's based around your natural cycle which is unreliable for me. I paid out of pocket so that depends on how many attempts it takes (I got lucky) but there are also payment plans which include multiple cycles if you choose. You can still choose to import donor sperm but the clinic may only accept from certain UK/European/US banks.

Totorotoes · 25/04/2022 19:05

@tigger2022 congratulations, that's wonderful news! May I ask, how many IUI attempts did you have, and was it natural or medicated?
I have just had my fertility assessment and been advised to start with natural IUI first. My clinic does a discount for 3 IUI attempts and I'm trying to decide whether to do this or pay-as-you-go. 🤔

Totorotoes · 25/04/2022 19:10

@tigger2022 congratulations, that's wonderful news! May I ask, how many IUI attempts did you have, and was it natural or medicated?
I have just had my fertility assessment and been advised to start with natural IUI first. My clinic does a discount for 3 IUI attempts and I'm trying to decide whether to do this or pay-as-you-go. 🤔