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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

Found a promising sperm donor but he's overweight!

18 replies

bigbluesea · 08/11/2020 23:47

According to the BMI chart. He's 5ft 6 and weighs just over 11 stone which just nudges him to overweight. Would this put you off? I am limited by race so have very few options but obviously the priority is to have a healthy child!

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LouiseTrees · 08/11/2020 23:49

Just nudges him into overweight then no I wouldn’t be worried. Many people are very slightly overweight and it causes them no health issues. I myself am not far off his weight and 3 inches shorter ( although obviously I’m a woman).

Henio · 08/11/2020 23:54

BMI isn't even that accurate as some people have different builds, hold weight differently, also it doesn't take muscle into account. If he was obese I'd see where you're coming from but slighlty overweight wouldn't be an issue for me

LydiaLangWish · 09/11/2020 18:01

Isn't he a bit short? Depends how tall you are I suppose. I'm 5'4" and my DH is 6'4" so I guess I'm used to a tall man. Both my DDs are around 5'8" now so I think he added some height to the mix.

JoJoSM2 · 09/11/2020 18:10

That’s BMI of 24.9? So normal.

Not at all bothered by him being ‘overweight’ as it depends on his built. DH is always described as ‘slim’, no one would even say he’s average but he’s got an ‘overweight’ BMI. If a man is muscular, he could even have an obese BMI and a six pack.

Have you had weight issues/eating disorder yourself or something?

LazyFace · 09/11/2020 18:59

My husband is overweight. Two children, 9 & 11, both normal weight. If that's your concern.

SpookyNoise · 09/11/2020 19:02

I’d be more concerned about the short stature to be honest.

OhHolyJesus · 09/11/2020 19:05

I think what you're saying here OP, without really asking is "do I want to make babies with an overweight man?"

Is your concern that a subsequent child would grow up and be overweight, would that matter? It may matter for health reasons but don't sperm donors get screened and weight is dependent on diet and exercise not just genes, but clearly a child from his sperm would be half of him.

Do sperm donors need to be attractive, what if he had a big nose or sticky out ears?

You say he is promising and that a healthy baby is all you want so I think you have more on your mind than whether it would put others off. It doesn't matter if it puts others off, it only really matters if it puts you off and if so, why.

Swingometer · 09/11/2020 19:09

His height would put me off more than his weight tbh

The weight is likely to be lifestyle related rather than genetic

FuckeryOmbudsman · 09/11/2020 19:12

How much us 'just over'?

11st at 5ft 6 for a man is 24.7 - so n the healthy range

I very much doubt a reputable register would contain anyone with known health issues which would adversely affect the DC. Being at the upper limit of a healthy weight is a non issue

PixelatedLunchbox · 09/11/2020 19:16

I would not select him due to the height. There is actually a lot of height discrimination and at 5'6, he's very short for a man in this society.

Defenbaker · 09/11/2020 19:20

Is he going to be donating his sperm in person - the way nature intended? In that case, maybe YANBU to feel you might not find him sexually attractive enough to want to do the required deed with him! Grin

I'm curious - why are you limited by race? Also, if you use an agency, do you get to see photos of the donors? If so, would a handsome face override the fact that the donor is slightly overweight and on the short side? So many questions...

Also I can't help thinking that a random ONS with a handsome stranger might be simpler (once pandemic is over), if slightly immoral (according to some).

Nackajory · 09/11/2020 19:21

I'm quite shocked at the prejudice about height on here. Whats wrong with 5'6'' ? Are we all supposed to be a standard size? I'd me much more concerned about his character. Is he kind?

Defenbaker · 09/11/2020 19:27

@Nackajory - Fair point, but would an agency have such info on file about a sperm donor? Also, could OP rely on any personality summary, or indeed any other details, if the sperm donor is anonymous and she will never meet him in person? They could say anything they like about what sort of person the donor is, but all she would know for sure is that he's a w**ker - literally! Grin

Shakirasma · 09/11/2020 19:28

So many unhelpful comments about height. You do know that in many races and nationalities 5 foot 6 is above average for a man don't you? The OP has already said race is an important factor so use a bit of common sense and focus on the question she actually asked!

AlexisIsMySpiritAnimal · 09/11/2020 19:30

My FiL is 5'6" and my DH is 5'10" so kids don't always follow in height.
Im 5'6" and my DC all overtook my height in their early teens. Means nowt.

LydiaLangWish · 09/11/2020 20:00

When you say "found" OP, do you mean bumped into? found on Facebook? Or matched via a reputable clinic?

Using a reputable clinic means the donor can be screened for a range of health disorders, (including STD's). However, as far as I know, the personal information they give you is limited.

If you don't use a clinic, and go the DIY route, there are all sorts of health issues and how can you be sure of anything he tells you about himself anyway? Even clinics don't do due diligence about a donors background apparently.

This news letter discusses the matter in the context of consumer fraud. That agencies take a man at his word without further corroboration is concerning.

"For one thing, the Supreme Court of Georgia decided that a case against Xytex, a large sperm bank based in Atlanta, could proceed.
The case involves Donor 9623, who claimed in his donor profile that he had an IQ of 160, was working on his PhD in neuroscience engineering and had no health problems. But when Donor 9623's name was accidentally releasedd_ to some families in 2014, and those families looked him up, the truth came out: he was a college dropout who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and jailed for burglary."

heyreprotech.substack.com/p/is-it-fraud-when-you-sell-bad-sperm

You might want to make more enquiries before deciding.

PinkGold · 09/11/2020 22:29

@Defenbaker

Is he going to be donating his sperm in person - the way nature intended? In that case, maybe YANBU to feel you might not find him sexually attractive enough to want to do the required deed with him! Grin

I'm curious - why are you limited by race? Also, if you use an agency, do you get to see photos of the donors? If so, would a handsome face override the fact that the donor is slightly overweight and on the short side? So many questions...

Also I can't help thinking that a random ONS with a handsome stranger might be simpler (once pandemic is over), if slightly immoral (according to some).

A ONS with a handsome stranger would presumably not leave OP or a future child in a position to have any details about the donor or their medical history. Although it's not unheard of for people to do it obviously! It would take quite a bit of luck too to get pregnant but again not unheard of.

Re limited by race most people would probably select a donor of their own race as it's just easier not to stand out, it would be different if in a relationship and a mixed race child is born but many people are nosey and would ask intrusive questions.

@Shakirasma yes I have visited some countries where I was taller than most people and I'm not particularly tall, I can imagine in some places that would be quite average or even considered tall.

bigbluesea · 10/11/2020 23:21

Thanks for all the responses! I am 5ft and even when it comes to dating I never really pay much attention to height as everyone is taller than me. But all these comments make me wonder if I should consider his height a negative...

He's from a sperm bank so all legit!

How does everyone make a final decision on donors? It's so confusing and hard to find even one who ticks most of the boxes!

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