TTC with a donor: one shot a month!

[Supermathsdoc]

Hi Everyone,

I’m looking for some reassurance, and also to connect with anyone who might be on a similar journey to me.

Basics:
TTC 4 cycles, #1, known donor. I’m 38 years old. Same sex relationship.
28 day cycle with 12 day LP
Tracking BBT, CM and OPK

Despite these measures I’m finding it super hard to get the timing right.

My donor is only happy to come round once a month. I can understand this as he has donated successfully 3x before and says once is enough as long as the timing is right.
It’s harder still because I have to pick the day in advance so he can arrange childcare. But looking back I’ve ovulated on CD 14, 16, 17 and 15.

If you were going to pick one day for AI in this situation which day would you aim for?

I’d be grateful for any advice from people who’ve done this before, reassurance from those who it’s worked for, or just hearing from anyone who might be going through similar.

I’ll be trying again this month. FF predicts my ovulation at 12/13/14th nov (CD 15,16,17) so we’ve planned for him to come on the 11th (CD 14).

Hi @Supermathsdoc I’m going through the same thing and I’m 37. I did manage to get pregnant 3rd month of trying, but unfortunately I had a miscarriage. That month I had a positive opk on the day I was expecting it to be so I’m not sure if that helped.

Are you able to go to your donor instead? That may alleviate the issue with childcare possibly? Although he will need to find some time away from the kids. We have to visit our donor and have got very good at inseminating in the car.

My cycle is all over the place at the moment so I had to inseminate yesterday even though I didn’t have a positive opk (as the donor was free then and I thought yesterday would be the day). I’m looking to see if I can find another donor so I can do more inseminations in a month (although I’m not doing well at getting any responses back).

The egg survives for longer than the sperm so if you have to hedge your bets I'd go for slightly later but really to increase your chances of success you could do with a donor who can be a bit more flexible as insemination before you get your surge is pretty much pointless.

My successful pregnancy IUI was 34h after getting my LH surge.

But that was IUI at a clinic so the sperm have less far to travel...

@Overlyanxious thank you for responding. It’s helpful even to hear that others are having similar experiences.

He actually lives very close to our house, he would be fine with us going round there I think, but I don’t have a car. He has said that if it takes longer than 6m he will come round twice and he’s also agreed to donate for IUI if we decide to do that. He really is the worlds kindest person.

I also had a month where we just had to do it as we were going on holiday. That month I had a biochemical pregnancy in that there was a +ve year but it was gone after 4 days and then I had a late period.

What day (in relation to ovulation) do you actually aim for?

@INeedNewShoes I’m pretty sure it’s the other way round and sperm can survive in fertile CM for 3-5 days whereas the ovulated egg lasts 12-24 hours.

It’s actually this that means I aim for 1 day before ovulation so that even if I’m slightly late ovulating there might be viable sperm.
So far I’ve managed on the day of O twice, once I’m not sure, once 3 days before.

Do you have a source for the information that sperm don’t survive as long as the egg?

I think if we don’t get there in 6 cycles he will come round twice and I think I will also pursue IUI as after 3 failed cycles of that I would be eligible for IVF on the NHS.

@Supermathsdoc one thing I have heard is that when you are older ovulation can happen quicker after your surge then when you’re younger. I don’t know how much that impacts. Also need to account for sperm taking a while to swim to the egg. I understand that it can vary. I’m still trying to get to grips with all of this stuff. It feels so complicated.

I also read something that said the day before or of ovulation are the most successful days for pregnancy.

@Overlyanxious yes I’ve read the same. I do get a temp rise which confirms ovulation for me but instead of being one big rise it seems to happen in 2 stages.

On the OPKs I seem to get dark lines for 2 days. This month I’ve started using an app that compares the ratio of the density of the test and control lines to take some of the error out of identifying the peak - I’ve attached a picture. I think it would have been hard for me identify this without the app....

So basically I took the peak as CD14 and then did AI on CD15 (pm) but it did feel like it was too late ....

@Supermathsdoc there’s an at home insemination buddies group that I’m also on that you may want to join. I think the women on there may be able to provide some advice. It’s a mix of same sex couples using donors, women doing it on their own with donors and women who are using AI with their husbands.

@Overlyanxious thanks so much. I did read through that thread but I thought it was more for people trying AI with their partner, so being less limited in how often they could try... I will definitely check it out again x