Egg Donation + Guilt

[melon301]

I wish I was keen for ED but I just don't think I am. Everything I think about it, it makes me feel sad. Like the child would have my husband and another women, and nothing from me. A reminder. Does anyone else feel like this, or has anyone else? I also feel so guilty, as me not being keen means I'm denying my husband the chance to have a child that is genetically his. Did anyone feel like this, but read or hear something that helped them come around to the idea? Maybe I'm just not framing it right in my mind?

Have you considered double donor?

@melon301 its a really difficult decision. Part of the process is going through the grieving process of not being able to have kids related to you and saying goodbye to them. We suffer a loss but its hard to acknowledge it without having evidence of a physical loss. I felt the same as well and it took a while along with frank discussions with my clinic and partner. Even if you choose to go with an egg donor there will always be doubts but I guess you will have 9 months to get acquainted with any potential child and you would have nurtured it through the help of your own biological drive. I dont think there is a right or wrong answer to this and as I have said before I find speaking to a counsellor specializing in the intricacies of egg donation very helpful. People have said once they have had their kids they love them regardless and the key thing is having a narrative structure or a story you are happy with and will be sharing with a potential child early on. Good luck.

Hi @melon301, let me start by saying you don't have to have donor egg treatment at all if you don't want to.
It comes across a little bit that you might do it for the sake of your DH but it has to be something you want for you.

There are specialist fertility counsellors who provide implications counselling for this topic, not to convince you but to help you clarify your own thoughts.

My DH won't move forward with donor treatment unless I decide (as far as anyone can be sure) that I'm on board. There is a potential child to think of.

I don't know how you've ended up with egg donation as an option, but it may be that you need a bit of time to get your head around it.
You may decide you'd rather not go down that route, or you may think it's a wonderful opportunity to have a child from birth.
Maybe have a look at threads on here or Donor Conception Network, and weigh up your options.

I agree with @PinkGold
Egg donation is never anyone's first choice so don't beat yourself up for not being keen on the idea.
Give yourself time and do some research. Reading other people's stories really helped me.
Remember you don't have to rush this decision, the beauty of using donor eggs is that the time pressure goes away. To some extent anyway...

The way I look at it - genes are just genetics, how you bring the child up is what will shape who they are as a person and they will pick more behaviour up from being around you than they would ever get from your genes.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I just wanted to say thank you so much @zelda81 , @PinkGold , @tikha and @GroundAlmonds for taking the time to respond to my post. It really means a lot! x

@melon301 no worries. I’ve since discovered definingmum on Instagram. It’s worth having a look at her pages. She’s had 3 children through donor eggs and really struggled with it at the start, so she decided to set up her page to support other women going through the same thing. Her story is inspiring. x

[quote zelda81]@melon301 no worries. I’ve since discovered definingmum on Instagram. It’s worth having a look at her pages. She’s had 3 children through donor eggs and really struggled with it at the start, so she decided to set up her page to support other women going through the same thing. Her story is inspiring. x[/quote]
Thank you so much @zelda81- I definitely will check it out! xx