If you have donor conceived dc, how did you tell them/plan on telling them?

[RhubarbGnT]

Hi,

So this is on the back of another thread, that has actually left me a little deflated if I'm honest, but putting aside some of the very negative, borderline prejudice comments, it was interesting to read posts echoing my concerns about my future dc having identity issues, due to being a donor conceived dc.

Firstly, I don't yet have any (one dc from previous relationship, naturally conceived) and I have got stuck on taking the next step, for fear of getting it wrong. I.e, our dc ends up resenting us for denying them a father and also understanding half their roots, at least until they're 18.

I thought it would be much more helpful to come on here and ask the people who really understand and have been there, done that.

So how did you/will you navigate this? If you're further along the road - dc grown up, how has it affected them? Did they decide they wanted to contact the donor?

Basically any tips and experiences would be hugely appreciated.

TIA

We are going to tell our DC from the start and are creating baby books etc to explain. We are hoping to surround ourselves with other same sex donor conceived families so the DC see a variety of families. We are anticipating that the DC may well have questions and issues around their lack of 'father' but we will support them the whole way with lots of love.

Have you had a look at this thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/3950410-Thoughts-about-the-future-with-DE-baby

I am a solo mum with 13 year old twins via embryo donation who have known about their conception since birth. I am happy to answer any questions.

I would definitely recommend calling and maybe joining the Donor Conception Network for information and support.

www.dcnetwork.org/

C xx

@RhubarbGnT

Hiya!

I have a DC from egg donation. He is 6 months and already ‘knows’ as one of his story books at bedtime is about egg donation/how he came to be!

Happy to answer any questions I can for you, but do have a look at that other thread as well :)

Mine is only teeny right now so he has no concept of being donor conceived, but I made a point of telling him about it on the day he was born, just to get going, so to speak! I chat to him about it occasionally, and next up I plan to get him some books (plus, also, books about different kinds of families in general) to keep developing the idea. From there onwards, I guess it depends how and when he's interested, how he feels at different times in his life - being guided by him, really.

I am TTC with donor sperm at the moment and I will absolutely tell them. I was in a Facebook group for donor conceived adults but I had to leave because of the vitriolic nature of the posts. There is a lot of hurt and bitterness within the donor conceived community but I don't think that that is inevitable.

I don’t have personal experience of this, but my eight year old’s best friends are donor-conceived nine year old twins, who’ve always known about their donor, have story books about being donor-conceived etc. According to their mother, they are not particularly interested atm, but ask occasional questions, and appear to feel about the donor the way you would about a benign overseas relative.