How did you know it was time to move to donor eggs?

[Dbrook]

I’m 37 and have been trying to get pregnant for around 2-3 years. I had a miscarriage about 18 months ago, we then tried and tried again but couldn’t conceive so moved to IVF. I did get pregnant but was told at my 7 week scan this week that it’s looking like another miscarriage.

It seems pretty clear to me that my own eggs aren’t up to it. I did IVF hoping there might be a golden egg in there but I’m losing faith in that now. I can’t go through a third miscarriage.

Did anyone else move on to donor egg after just one round of IVF? I feel ready to move on and do what gives us the best chance of success. But what’s holding me back is the implications being donor conceived might have on the child and I wonder if I should exhaust every possibility with my own eggs first. Though that might break me.

So when did you know it was time to make the jump? Did you wait until your doctor said it would be the best option?

Hi @Dbrook, I am sorry about your loss. I am just over a year older and I am going through donor ivf at this moment. I had been trying for a couple of years but really didn’t pay so much attention as I heard it takes a year and if not there’s ivf. How wrong and uninformed I was. When I really started looking and not following GP advice who said I should continue to try naturally as I looked very healthy and young! I went private and got a shock when the practitioner told me looking at my amh in their clinic I wouldn’t qualify for ivf. I saw other doctors and it took me a while to really educate myself on this and we looked at ivf in Create as they were most positive but still with extremely low chances. We sat down and discussed and decided we want a healthy baby and sooner than later and started looking at egg donation more as the chances are far higher than with my own eggs. Then compared it financially and emotionally and timewise we moved to egg donation. The DCN network has a lot of useful resources and this forum has offered me a lot of support. I am confident of our decision and just looking forward. It’s still unknown but I hope one day I will be pregnant. I did fall pregnant in May (first time ever) but it was early miscarriage and we didn’t think twice if we should stop and try again or continue with donor eggs. I was really heartbroken when I was told my eggs were too old and there was too few of them. This was very traumatic experience and that doctor still haunts me telling me I will have menopause within a few years and maybe I should just adopt. I complained about how this news was delivered to me.

@Dbrook I am so sorry I said loss you are still pregnant abd I confused what I had read. Please forgive me as this wasn’t meant. I was careless in reading your message very fast and eager to share.

Hello!

I am sorry to hear that you’ve been through such heart ache. Our journeys to reach our children can be tough!

I made the decision to use donor eggs when I was 10 years younger than you without any rounds of IVF.

It is such a personal decision. Some people are never ready and prefer to do multiple rounds and/or end up childless. Other people, like me, really aren’t bothered by biology and whose main focus is on completing their family rather than passing on genes.

Having said that, there are obviously considerations for the person you are bringing into the world and I believe it takes a certain type of person to be able to parent a DC child openly and honestly.

There is anothe thread on this forum that details these considerations quite throughly - I would really encourage you to take a look at it.

However, I would really, honestly wait until you have had time to grieve this baby before you made any decisions. I had a MMC at my first scan (donor eggs are no guarantee that you won’t miscarry!) and wanted to jump straight into the FET, but my body and heart needed time to heal.

Donor eggs really aren’t a ‘magic answer’ and you need to be prepared for failed rounds, miscarriage, cancelled cycles, etc in the same way as you do with OE IVF

You should also consider taking time to grieve the loss of your own fertility. Because it is a loss and should be respected as one.

Good luck with your journey

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/3950410-Thoughts-about-the-future-with-DE-baby

Thank you both so much for responding. And sorry to hear you’ve had miscarriages too.

It’s lot to think about, and we will take some time to discuss all our options but my instinct tells me this will be our way to parenthood (though I know it won’t be an easy journey).

I almost wish I had a clear diagnosis or a doctor tell me it would be useless to try with my own eggs, but we’re unexplained and my AMH is actually quite good for my age. So while it looks like poor egg quality is my problem it’s been a slow and painful process of elimination to establish that through failure to conceive and miscarriages.

Thank you for sending the link to that other thread, I will read through it.

Hi @Dbrook i am in the exact same position as you now. I’d love to hear how things went for you and what route you went down. Sending love xx

Hi @LAURAPAX sorry you find yourself here. I was in such a dark place when I made that post.

I had success with my own eggs in the end. I was able to test the remains of one of my miscarriages and it was chromosomally normal so I realised my issues may not be down to egg quality. I saw a doctor who specialises in recurrent miscarriage and he believed my issues were down to my immune system attacking the embryo. I did more IVF with PGTA testing and took a lot of medications to support the transfer (steroids, blood thinners, intralipids etc). On that protocol I had my baby.

Good luck with whichever route you take.

Amazing news for you @Dbrook so happy for you! I am also in a bad place atm - I fear I will not be in the same position as my AMH and AFC are below average for my age and I am now 37. There’s been a sharp decline since I was last tested in Oct 22 to my most recent tests. I’ve also suffered two miscarriages already so I really fear it is egg quality related. Partner sperm all ok. Just started my egg collection protocol. I am so nervous. Thanks for replying to me xxx

@LAURAPAX It’s such an incredibly hard journey. Best of luck with the IVF, is it your first round? I know everyone’s circumstances are individual but 37 is not too old to get some good eggs.

Thanks @Dbrook yes it is my first round. I had two natural pregnancies in the last 13 months which ended in miscarriage. First one natural second one MMC and now not even ovulating so it’s all just going very wrong. I can’t believe I find myself in the situation and wish to god I had started trying a few years earlier it’s a really challenging thing to come to terms with. I believe I have undiagnosed endometriosis which has affected my AMH and egg quality. Will have to see what egg collection brings. To say I am terrified is an understatement. Xxxx

@LAURAPAX I was just reading your post and wondered how your cycle went? I'm just about to start my second IVF cycle and feeling quite pessimistic. I didn't have great results in my first cycle and have been told it's very likely to be down to egg quality, I'm 40, hence why I'm reading threads on donor conception. I hope it went better than you expected x

Hi @April623 I hope you are doing ok. My first round did not go well either I didn’t respond to highest stims : ( I got 3 eggs which fertilised and frozen on day 3. I’m going straight into another egg collection with lower stims protocol. I had my consultantion with my dr today and she said I didn’t respond as well which is so hard I feel so gutted to be in this position but have been reading so much on DE which is giving me some hope and comfort for the future. I just didn’t think trying for a baby at 36 in London was old but boy was I mistaken. All my friends have been absolutely fine no issues at all. It’s a hard journey so far and feel it’s not going to let up much.

how has your 2nd cycle going? I hope you are holding up xxx

Hi @LAURAPAX I'm so sorry it didn't go as well as you hoped. But you have three embryos frozen? I didn't know it was possible to freeze on day 3 as I've only ever heard about freezing on day 5. Do you know what the difference is?

Having these challenges at 36 does seem very unfair. We hear about so many people older than that and into their 40s having babies these days that we think it will be fine and if not, we can just do IVF. Not realising how hard it can be.

My cycle was a disaster, didn't even get started as some cysts showed up on my baseline scan so I'm currently waiting for them to go/shrink before I can start. Yet another set back 🤦🏻‍♀️ Any idea when you are starting stims for your next EC? x x