Same sex couple TTC

[ameliagracexo]

Hi everyone.

Myself and my partner (same sex) have been trying to conceive through a donor and our choice of method is artificial insemination. We have been using the Flo app for around eight months to track our cycles. We both received donations around the time Flo said we were ovulating. My ovulation was 1st June and I received a donation on 30th and 31st May.
My period was due on 15th June and so far, nothing. During the days between donations and my expected period date, I've had extreme dizziness and nausea, bad headaches, loose stools most days (sorry for TMI!!), and sore breasts. The past three days, so after period was due, I've been having cramps. They're the same intensity of normal period cramps but they just pass after around half an hour to an hour whereas my period cramps before I usually come on, are constant and even painkillers don't take them away. My friends keep telling me they think I'm pregnant but every pregnancy test has come back negative. I've taken early detection ones, the thin strip ones from B&M and Home Bargains as well as their regular ones and I've even taken Clear Blue early detection tests. I'm so confused because I don't know if I'm pregnant or my period is just late. My fiancee came on five days late and five days late for me is tomorrow.

Any advice?

Thank you in advance

Hey @chestermaguire how was your sperm date? You're so right about having to advocate for ourselves. I've been surprised during this entire process at how involved I've had to be constantly in order to get stuff done! My next cycle is due to start at the end of the month so fingers crossed we'll be able to go this time but I feel apprehensive after last month!

I'm doing everything humanly possible to prep ha! I've been having acupuncture and reflexology despite being sceptical of both. Seeing a personal trainer twice a week, running, sea swimming, eating well etc. Are you doing anything??

I think stimulation vs unstimulated is a very personal decision. We basically decided to go stimulated because it increases our chances quite a bit. What are you thinking??

Agree re the 4 cycle thing. Success rates for us are 29% (I'm 29, stimulated) so by those standards we'd be unlucky to not conceive in 3/4 goes!

@BananaHammock23 Sperm date was good thanks! Well...sort of. We've decided to definitely go with ESB, they seem like a really good bank and for some reason, I trust them more than the American ones we were looking at. We've found maybe 3-4 donors that we really like BUT they're all out of stock. Hopefully, it's just due to corona delays and they'll be back soon, we're giving it til around the end of the month.

Ooh I'm really interested in acupuncture, I was going to try once I've spoken to the clinic about the likelihood of my August cycle - it's expensive so don't want to jump the gun on it too much. You are sounding very healthy! I'm also trying to work out 3-4 times a week and walking every day, eating well (not so well on the weekends), I've cut down to 2-3 drinks a week and have just made the switch to decaf. Other than that, I'm eating more fruit & juices (pom & grapefruit), and I've been taking vit d, folic acid and CoQ10 for the last month or two. Even if it all does sweet FA, I find it helpful to feel like I'm doing something productive.

Yeah totally agree about med/unmedicated being personal. I'm not sure yet, I think I'll see what the clinic advise. I ovulate pretty regularly so I don't know if it would benefit anything, but at the same time, I want to increase the chances as much as poss. I'm a bit crunchy though so like the idea of as little intervention as needed.

We're around the same age so I'm hoping to have the same kind of stats!

@chestermaguire that's great - I really rate ESB! They've been fantastic with quick communication when we were trying to ship sperm in time for July cycle. One word of warning is to check out all the costs involved in shipping etc. We're with London Women's Clinic (not the Harley St branch) and we're surprised at the fees they had for receiving the sperm when we'd already paid quite a bit of shipping. We also had to pay for three years storage up front as we shipped over all four vails to avoid the other shipping costs. It adds up. I reckon we spent near a grand on shipping, fees on this end and storage which we hadn't accounted for at all.

I really recommend acupuncture even if it is just psychological! I've never felt so relaxed. It is pricey though but apparently it's good to start a few months before treatment. This is what the acupuncture guy said though so he could be trying to get more £££ out of me (it's working!)

Agree re feeling productive. I've been on all the vits and haven't had a drink or caffeine in over three weeks! It's been easy during lockdown but I went out for lunch on Saturday and found it really hard. Trying to remember the rewards!

I have regular cycles etc too (although I do have PCOS) but just feel stimulation makes me feel like I'm doing all I can to make this happen? I don't know really, I think a lot of this is a mind game with myself!

Will check out that Reddit thread too! Xx

Haha same bank, age and clinic! I feel like you are my IUI guru... Thanks for the word of warning on the hidden fees, will def bear that in mind.

I'm really excited to try acupuncture! I watch some lesbian YouTubers called Sam & Alyssa and I think they did 6 unsuccessful rounds of IUI before starting acupuncture and got pregnant on the next cycle, I really think there's something in it! Even if, as you say, it's just the placebo of being relaxed. Certainly can't hurt.

Not drinking is hard! I'm just used to having a couple of drinks with friends at the weekend to unwind and I'm trying to cut that back to eventually stop. Ah well, it will all be worth it soon hopefully.

I'm curious, have you told anyone IRL that you're trying? We haven't told a soul and I think everyone will be really excited, telling our friends and family is one of the things I'm most looking forward to about pregnancy. At the same time it's hard not to talk about it!

@chestermaguire haha no way! We're at the Canterbury clinic - the nurses there are great and the consultant is a really nice guy too.

I wish I was an IUI guru! I feel like we've just done it all thinking we'd be able to start last month then it was pulled last minute so we've got all the way but not there yet which is hard to deal with.

So after saying we weren't going to tell anyone we ended up telling pretty much all our friends and family ha! A lot of our friends are also in same sex relationships and they've been trying so we wanted to ask them for advice. We were also just really really excited to start. I think as well I'm quite emotional and sensitive and after what happened on Monday my friends would've guessed something was wrong. So it was nice to have the support. What are your thoughts on it?

@BananaHammock23 Yeah it's rough trying to not have any expectations so you don't get disappointed, whilst also trying to prep yourself for your cycle and stay positive! Also impossible to ignore the daydreams...

Our current plan is to keep it a secret, but if it ends up taking a while or we have to move onto IVF then I think we'll tell people. We have zero friends who have gone through this so they'd be totally useless haha. I just kind of want to save up all the excitement and also avoid people asking constantly! But I totally get why you'd want to share as well