Those with donor experience advice appreciated

[Justwantababy]

Hi all, I’m new to MN & would just like a bit of advice from those who have used a sperm donor & done diy insemination. I’m 35, single, want to have a baby, happy to go it alone etc. I’ve found a donor through coparents & was just wondering if anyone else had used this route. I haven’t actually met the guy in person, he seems genuine, seems very clued up about the process, says he’s helped 3 couples so far, doesn’t mind me keeping his details if I want a sibling, he’s done this for another couple. I just have a slight niggle about the safety aspect of it, although he has said I can collect sample from his which makes me think if he’s willing to give out his address then he can’t be that dodgy. Is it normal to feel nervous, also how long does a sample last in a pot, I remember a friend had to drive her husbands to a clinic for analysis & she kept it in her bra for the 45min drive, he lives about 45mins away from me. I know I could go down the iui clinic route but I know I wouldn’t stop until I’d used all my savings, remortgaged & sold a kidney plus being on my own I need to ensure financial stability. Any advice much appreciated TIA

Hey

Yes there are a few of us going through this now and we have a long running thread on this board: TTC with a donor.

Personally I would never drive for that long with it. I book a room where the donor can do his thing and leave and then I can inseminate as quickly as possible. I think you could wait that long but I like to make it as much like it would be if it were natural as poss to give it the best change of success.

I have all sorts of reasons for doing it this way which aren't just about the cost of the clinic but we all make our personal choices. Consideration of the impact of my choices on my future child(ren) is really high up there.

The clinic that I was potentially doing this with have a sperm bank but the details on the donor are scant. I have quite particular characteristics that I'm looking for in a donor and this way I have more control over that - I can check out the donor and their background and ensure that this is someone I want to potentially create a life with.

@bitheby thank you for your reply. I guess you rely a lot on the honesty of the donor. I have been making my way through that thread, only up to pg 17 so far. I’ve heard horror stories of men just using sites like that to get sex, some even having had a vasectomy. For those not using a clinic how do you do it in the safest possible way. The donor I have found is happy to go through a clinic, has said he can do sti check & results get sent to me so I know he hasn’t altered them in any way. I don’t know if I’m overthinking & should just bite the bullet & go for it

I don't think you can overthink this. I'm in a Facebook group for people who call themselves 'donor conceived people' and some of them suffer a range of psychological challenges from being donor conceived and not knowing who the donor was and feeling abandoned and all sorts of things. Making sure that you have thoroughly checked out the trustworthiness of the donor (as much as anyone can) is really important.

I've been doing this a long time and you quickly learn which ones are the chancers, the sexual fetishists and the idiots. I've met two donors, both met via the Just a Baby app and both had genuine reasons for donating based on personal or close family experience. With my latest donor I have a contract with him, which might not be legally enforceable but at least sets out the parameters of what we intend.