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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

Lesbian conception - necessary channels

5 replies

Grosvenor92 · 16/11/2019 04:13

Hi all,
I have just joined mumsnet to help us on our conception journey.
We actually don't plan to have kids for about another 2 years, we are getting married soon and would like to start the journey after our honeymoon.
But we have no idea where to start.
We would both like to experience pregnancy, but I plan on having our 1st child, if we are lucky enough.
What is the best option for lesbian couples?
Money is a factor as it will be for anyone, we dont want to spend all our savings.
How has everyone else done it?
Are there any options through the nhs or is it best to go private?
Thanks very much in advance.

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 16/11/2019 04:21

Why don’t you want to spend your savings?

Grosvenor92 · 16/11/2019 04:40

Money is a worry for me, even though we are both in well paid jobs. We have always had savings, something to fall back on in anything goes wrong.
Not saying I dont want to use any of it but dont want to use all of it.

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 16/11/2019 05:29

That’s fair enough, not wanting to clear yourself out

Persipan · 16/11/2019 10:06

Single lady here, so not quite the same situation but there are some similarities.

You're unlikely to get any assistance through the NHS unless you also have a diagnosed condition which would require fertility treatment, or can evidence a lengthy history of trying to become pregnant and not succeeding. And even then, in many areas the assistance available might not amount to much. By all means have a chat with your GP to see if they can offer anything, but it's likely that any costs will mainly fall to you.

Since the main missing factor here is sperm, some single women and lesbian couples choose to enter into private arrangements with a male friend or someone else willing to donate. This option has very few upfront costs, but it's important to be aware of possible complications around parentage - this can vary by circumstance, so look into it. In addition some people have had bad experiences with dodgy people on donor sites, so again, proceed carefully if you choose this option.

If you decide to go via a clinic, the legal aspects are generally clearer and you have a lot more insight into what's going on medically. Usually, you'd have some initial tests done and then they'd make recommendations about whether IUI (intra-uterine insemination) or IVF would be your best option.

A couple of things you might want to consider: one thing some lesbian couples choose to do is to essentially do a partner-to-partner egg donation - so, one partner contributes the eggs, and the other carries the pregnancy, meaning both have a direct physical link to the child.

And, you might want to consider whether you'd be willing to donate any of your eggs (assuming you meet the criteria to do so) - this is obviously a big decision, but egg-share donors can access much cheaper IVF treatment which can make it more affordable, and you may enjoy the aspect of helping someone else. (I've been an egg-share recipient twice, and both times my donors were women in same-sex relationships. Sadly those cycles didn't work for me but I'm really pleased to have been able to help them - I know my second donor did become pregnant herself as a result of that treatment cycle).

Sperm is EXPENSIVE. Expect to pay about £1k a go for sperm.

Some people choose to go abroad for treatment, and this can be cheaper than the UK. Be aware, though, that a) donor anonymity laws in Europe are often different, meaning any resulting child would never be able to receive any information about their donor, and b) some of the destination countries for fertility treatment have laws restricting who can access said treatment - single women and same sex couples may not qualify.

Depending on your age, it might be a good idea to have some initial investigations done via a clinic sometime soon, just to establish whether there are any factors which might be a barrier to conceiving. But otherwise, maybe just start talking through what approach you guys might like to take, and work from there. (And, yeah, probably build up the savings some more. This stuff is pricey.)

Very best of luck for the future and best wishes for your wedding!

Grosvenor92 · 16/11/2019 15:39

Wow thank you, that is a fantastic response and just what we were looking for.
We have spoke about the options we are aware of, basically clinics and donor. But we are not keen on friend or website donor. I'm sure this works for some couples but we it would not be for us.
We would like to go through the clinic route.
We are both young, I'm 28 and my partner 24, so we have plenty of time and we are both fit and healthy, no known medical issues so hopefully will not come across any obstacles in that respect 🤞
But it's nice to have an idea and be doing research now, so when the time comes and we think yeah let's do this now then we are prepared and know what to do.
Thank you so much for your help! I am going to have a look into some clinics tonight and get a savings pot started.
We are currently renovating our house, so would love once the house is finished and we are married to get the ball rolling.

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