Dangers of "Sperm Donor"sites??? Coparents / PrideAngel / PollenTree Scams?? Not safe??

[Littlesunshine259]

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3521054/amp/Desperate-women-conned-sex-rogue-sperm-donors-insist-natural-insemination.html

Has anyone read this??? I have been on PrideAngel and PollenTree and CoParents and they all seem like scams and potentially dangerous to vulnerable people with random men wanting "natural insemination" !! I had no idea how crazy this all was until I started looking into it ??? It doesnt seem safe or genuine to me at all.

Any experiences to share???

I don’t have experience with these sites. However, natural insemination can save the person or couple wanting to have a baby thousands and thousands. I have donated my eggs before and in the process somebody asked my husband to donate sperm. “Natural” was asked to save money but I am not okay with that for my husband lol

Ultimately I think these sites are like any other online platform that connects people for whatever reason - the platform itself isn't inherently safe or unsafe, but there can be risks to and from individual people using them.

I'd see the potential risks as breaking down into three areas: sexual health, personal safety, and legal.

In terms of sexual health, it's harder to establish for certain that any given donor is free from any STIs when trying to conceive in this way than it is when going via a clinic (where sperm is quarantined to ensure the donor doesn't have any).

Personal safety is something that can be a real concern - not least because platforms allowing women to find sperm donors do inevitably tend to attract a proportion of creeps in amongst the legitimate donors. I have read lots of stories of women who have found lovely, altruistic donors via these sites - but I have also read stories of women who have had very difficult experiences including being pressured into 'natural insemination' (which in this context is code for sex), and even falling victim to very distressing sexual assault.

Legally, the parentage of a child conceived in this way can also be complex in a way that isn't the case where treatment takes place via a clinic. I've definitely read about lengthy and complex legal disputes having arisen from private donation arrangements, and this is something to take into account, too.

Personally, for me, all these risks added up to too much risk, and I chose to pursue clinic treatment instead. But there are definitely upsides to the types of arrangements (not least cost) and certainly some people have found them to be a good arrangement. I think the key is to think through all the considerations, and trust your gut if you have worries along the way.

We found our donor on coparent. Normal guy. Been coming to our house for 8 months and nothing weird about him, he's Lovely!

Hi

As you can see from our username we are from PollenTree Support.

All I would say in response is that we moderate all new and updated profiles and perform wider checks on new accounts. Messages on PollenTree are also filtered through a moderation process.

At the tme of writing our failure rate is 8% - this is the number of accounts that we delete because they do not pass moderation. We also have a very clear signup process form - people who do not comply with this are also removed.

When a new profile is created we look for a number of factors - we cannot list all of them here, as it would compromise our ability to moderate PollenTree. However, some of the factors include IP address matched against stated profile location, time of signup, language used in profile description, email adddress etc.

We have extensive online experience having started in the industry in 1996 (though obviously not with PollenTree back then).

Please take the time to read our Code of Conduct, Terms & Conditions, Getting Started page and Testimonials.

We now have over 1,000 "PollenTree babies", we are pleased at this level of success.

I hope this sets out some of what we do. We do far more moderation than other sites, regardless of the field they are in.

I would say though, only join if you are sure you want to proceed - the clinic route may be the more suitable route for you.

I hope this helps.

I wouldn't recommend the site. I made a profile making it clear that I was looking to co-parent because I cannot afford to be a single mum financially or in terms of time. There was profile of a sperm donor that stipulated he 'wanted nothing to do with the kid' nor ever put in any position were he had any legal responsibility to 'the kid'.

He was clicking on my profile daily and sent a message urging me to change my mind and have a sperm donor (e.g. him).

Perhaps I am oversensitive, but this man was effectively looking for a vulnerable person to pay for and provide for a child (the burden) without taking any responisbility. Describing an unborn child as 'the kid' who he wanted nothing to do with - getting touch with a woman looking to co-parent, well I found it upsetting and offensive.

know i shouldnt really be on this site...
Pollentree website doesnt work for some reason and i just end up on this site by mistake!
Though ive read some women experiences, some which made me feel i have to write something lol hence the reply ofcourse.

Ive been an AI donor for almost a year and ive helped 9 couples get pregnant by AI. So by my own experience AI works.
Im nothing special, my sperm nothing special, i mean i think ive an average sperm count.
i think its more some donors making it a bigger deal than it really is.

Seen some woman saying about accepting NI to basically save money. Which i understand and if a woman prefer NI then fair enough there aswel.

Though if the woman prefer AI and is being forced NI/PI then not only is it blackmail but rape.
Its even worst because some of these donors have mothers, sisters even daughters yet can still go out and blackmail some women, all because she wants a child to love.

Also i see it as a failure of the goverment that some women have to pay thousands for a choice, in some cases a choice not to be raped.
like sperm is easy to make and is basically made for free.
so why are women paying thousands?

Sorry for the rant! lol Sure heres some tips..

Make fake snap/fb to get to know the donors first.

Have a phone call and meet somewhere public.

Ai works and sperm can live in the plastic cup for about 20 mins. So if your donor is in the bathroom for over half an hour.. Theres a chance he waiting for the sperm to die. Either to try force NI or to get money.

Always ask for STI proof. Its your right and the donor should have this before helping people anyways. Theres a website you can do STI test by mail n free btw

Create some sort of AI Promise/Agreement either by Email or paper.

Sperm looks like a white greyish colour. If its clear, theres a chance your donor has a low sperm count/azoospermia.
Maybe the donor doesnt know or ofcourse could be a donor for malicious reasons.

it isnt a Dating/Pof thing. Unless ofcourse you're looking coparent.. Though if you're only looking a donor, then treat the donor as a blood donor aka as a person looking to help.
Dont play games/ghost/blocked unless he a creep ofcourse. If he's not the donor you want, just say you're not the donor we want.

Also understand its a massive choice to create a life.
Someone you will watch grow up and grow old loving them. So make sure you think twice about the donor and what you want.

Sure thanks for reading and not sure if this is a good or bad idea but atleast the info there.

I know a friend who used natural ibsemibation to have her son. She enjoyed the process more than the planned iui with donor sperm which was her plan a!

He isn’t on the birth certificate.

I know a gay female friend who used donor soerm from a local gay man. Unfortunately he turned out to be a difficult person and has taken her to court for 50/50 custody of their child.
We looked into such website but in the end decided the risks of conflict etc outweighed the benefits. I also got approached for natural inseminatuon- given that we are a hetero couple I was surprised that the donor didn’t consider that insensitive and I wouldn’t ah e wanted that donor for us. But I think for some single straight women, it can work ok.

I would stress that paperwork is very important. Even though it isn’t legally binding, being clear about the basis on which you went ahead gives you a stronger foundation to resolve anything that does come up later down the line. Agreeing liability for financial support, paternity on birth certificate and access to any child are particularly important

Like pps I would worry about the legal implications. If you use a sperm donor from a clinic then you don’t have to worry about them showing up, possibly harassing you with the threat of trying to get shared custody of the child, and all that stuff. I just think it’s safer all round to use an ‘official’ sperm donor. Plus it’s all screened to make sure it’s safe and healthy.

I would also consider what the unofficial sperm donor gets out of it. Surely if they just wanted to donate their sperm for altruistic reasons they would do so via a clinic not a random website. It seems like it would attract the wrong types of people.

I’m currently dealing with a guy who lied about his education, family, and background on his profile. He said he was a PhD that graduated highschool at 15. This is not true. He lied about his family’s education too, and they are all drug addicts and criminals, in fact. He has stalked my family for months now and kept up the lie for months. He then filed for joint custody after being refused from further interaction with my partner and ever seeing my kids. There are laws now for fertility fraud performed medically and should be for this too. I consider the donor a sex offender and the donation a sexual assault. These guys pressure for natural insemination by saying it is most effective, however, this can result in a sexual assault like what I am dealing with now. I would deter women and gay women especially from finding “free sperm” online. There are a lot of predators on the site, and it seems like a lot of these guys are lying. These websites are not for dating, but these losers are lying to interact with victims.