Donor sperm after infertility ... how did you make a decision?

[ACertainIdea]

My DW and I have been going through treatment for infertility, and we've had three cycles of ICSI, which have all ultimately failed. The primary problem is my sperm count (basically azoospermic), and I underwent two TESEs. We have to go back to the consultant, but one of our next options will be to think about sperm donors. We are starting to think about the pros and cons. I think some of our family who we've spoken to would be against it (not knowing the biological father), and how I as a father would feel towards our child. How our child would feel when it found out, etc, etc.

I wondered if anyone went through with sperm donation in a similar position, and what you thought about as you came to make your decision? I'm also browsing other threads on the topic. I'd be super grateful as this is our next big decision on what to do.

The Donor Conception Network is very good.

No personal experience bit would recommend the Eggcellent Adventure podcast & group on Facebook, you'll find loads of information.

eggcellentadventure.com/resources

Sorry, what is that? New to all of this (well, not all of it, but this element in particular).

Here.

www.dcnetwork.org/

I think reading as much as you can is the most helpful thing.

PS, my question was in response to the Donor Conception Network. I just googled and found out.

Thanks, my wife and I are going to take some time to think this all over. It's a very big decision.

It is. I think sometimes the clinics are a bit too blasé about it. You have to get there in your time, especially the partner whose gametes are being “replaced”, IYSWIM.

I second the above posters recommendation of the Donor Conception Network. They have members who are also considering or have children using sperm donation and you will find a lot of help and support there. You don't have to be a member to call them to chat through any issues. Also they do a preparation for donor conception parenthood with a men's group for couples thinking about all the issues. It can be overwhelming coming to terms with giving up your genetic link to a child and needs careful preparation for both of you. Do contact them. You should also receive free counselling from your clinic so do ask them about this.

www.dcnetwork.org/workshop/preparation

www.dcnetwork.org/personal-stories

Thanks a lot for the tips.

I have a son conceived through donor eggs, for me my need to be a mum was greater than my need to have a bio child and after failed treatment with my own eggs it made sense, it doesn't even occur to me he is from donor eggs (apart from feeling hugely grateful to the donor) I plan on being open with him when he is older and I hope he understands my reasons why I did it, I also had some negative comments from extended family before we did it but I think it's mainly due to it being an alien concept to most people, IVF itself often is too!

Donor is no ones first choice don't get me wrong but I have no regrets at all, if I could turn back time and have had him through my own eggs I wouldn't as he wouldn't be him and I wouldn't change a thing about him