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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

How did you know donation was right for you

3 replies

akmum18 · 06/09/2019 19:22

I’m not getting any younger and although I am lucky enough to be a mum already, I haven’t completed my family yet and I’ve been having a war with myself for 6 years.
I’ve been single for those 6 years when my xh left just before we planned to ttc last baby so I’ve felt unfulfilled ever since I guess and the feeling of wanting another baby has never gone.
My head says keep waiting to meet a new partner and have a baby with the right person so the baby has a dad in their life, but it’s impossible for me to meet anyone so I know realistically this isn’t going to happen.
My heart says go for a sperm donor and have the baby alone, which I’m content with, but I’m held back by the baby not having a father figure, my elder children possibly feeling pushed out due to the larger age gap and I know my family will be unsupportive.
I know for a fact if I do not have another baby I will regret it for the rest of my life.
How did you know it was the correct thing for you rather than a co parenting arrangement/ meeting a new partner?

OP posts:
Persipan · 07/09/2019 06:53

I always used to think I'd have a baby by the time I was 30. Then, when I hadn't, I though 'well, times have changed; 35!'. Then when I hit 35 it became a more nebulous 'there's still time!'. I think I was about 37 when I started to seriously think about the fact that maybe there wasn't that much more time and perhaps if I wanted to get the job done I should just get on with it myself.

Partly, I did the maths in my head and realised that even if Mr Right were to fall from the sky right that second, I would clearly want to spend at least a year in a relationship with him before trying to conceive. But also I realised I am not particularly someone who wants or needs a partner anyway. It's been quite a long time since I was in a relationship, and I was doing precisely nothing to seek a new one. Being able to embark on this process just taking into account my own views, and the welfare of any potential child, without having to negotiate someone else's feelings as well, feels from my perspective simpler than people having fertility treatment as a couple.

In terms of your dilemmas about a possible future child not having a father figure, and having a different set of experiences to their siblings, I'd really recommend getting some counselling from someone specialist in donor conception. If you go through a clinic, you'll have to have this anyway in order to be able to use donor sperm. You might also find the Donor Conception Network to be a great source of information and support. It might reassure you (and your friends and family) to know that not having a father present isn't inherently something that leads to bad outcomes for children - a child in a stable and loving family, whatever its structure, will generally do fine.

In terms of your options, these days it pretty much comes down to a choice between clinic treatment and private donors. I personally have reservations about the latter as I'm not comfortable with the possible legal and safety pitfalls, but others have used them with success.

I feel like I'm always asking people on here how old they are - sorry! - but, how old are you? I ask because success rates do decline considerably with age, and I always feel that for people with an existing family the the calculations must be a bit tougher. For me, treatment has been E X P E N S I V E but since I've only needed to factor myself in, I could make those choices.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide!

Aunaturalmama · 12/10/2019 17:07

It’s right for me because I don’t look at my eggs as my children, and I love helping people with their dreams! It’s such a beautiful thing to be a mummy! To give that gift to somebody else is the best gift you could give! You’re giving somebody a lifetime of love.

Aunaturalmama · 12/10/2019 17:09

Oops lol! Replied before reading the entire thing!!! I personally wouldn’t wait for a man and just do it myself if I were single and wanted aanother baby :)

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