Looking for advice on starting the process of donor conception

[Cornishgirl86]

Hi I'm new to all this so please bear with me (also I'm dyslexic so hopefully this will all make sense)

I am 33 years old, I live in Cornwall and all I wish is to be as a mum. Unfortunately The traditional path has not been the path I've taken. I have a very large family around me, and they are all super supportive about the decision I have made. I know it won't be easy I know this is potentially the hardest route I could go down. So please don't think I've taken this decision lightly.

I know I'm not the only person in this boat, and I'm just really hoping that anyone could give any advice at all. I have been looking online and it's confusing and conflicting and I don't even know where to start. Living in Cornwall doesn't make it any easier as there doesn't seem to be any kind of clinic I can speak to anywhere near me.

Sorry if this is just going over previous threads grateful for any information on any websites or places that you can recommend I have a look at.

Thanks

I am just about to start ivf with donor sperm, what questions do you have? I will try to answer!
In short I think you will need to go for a consultation at a private clinic. They will do an internal scan and blood tests to check your ovarian reserve etc. If all looks good you might be offered iui rather than ivf (much cheaper and easier). You can use the clinic’s bank (often limited) or find your own via other sperm banks!

Thanks so much @Robs20 for your reply. This is something I've been thinking about for some time. I went to my local GP to find out some information on clinics near by but they were so judgemental and unhelpful. I explained I knew none of this was funded by the nhs but I was hoping for some information to get me to the next point.
How did you go about finding your clinic or was it just a google search? I'm hoping I don't have to go down the ivf route, but it's all so daunting.

Yep google and recommendations. Why don’t you go for a consultation to find out how everything is/ how your ovaries look and then you can choose a clinic properly.
I did a couple of donor iuis at serum in Greece and am about to use Create for the ivf (going back and forth to greece was a pain as I want to have more regular monitoring.
The annoying thing about doing it here is finding sperm! The banks are vvv limited. We have been trying to purchase tonight but 3 different donors that we liked are all unable.

Hey,

Following this thread as I’ve been thinking about this for the past 2 years (I’m 28) my plan is to go in for this when I’m 30.
When I asked my doctor about how to go in for this he said to me that you can sometimes get nhs funding.

I was told that I would need a full check up first to make sure I had nothing like stds or stis and I would have to go through councilling too to make sure this is what I really wanted.
After that it’s finding sperm. If you go with sperm that is within the uk at your local clinic then they also check the donor for genetic problems, Stis etc as they have regulations. You can get it out of country but each country has different regulations on this type of stuff. You may have a waiting list of 6months depending on what ethnicity you are wanting.

After that it’s inseminating the donor sperm but there are different ways of doing it (these I’m unsure of).

But this website might help you.

Hfea.gov.uk

Hi @Jellytotts
Your in the same boat as me planning on doing it in the next two years although I'm older so hello.

It's interesting that your Gp told you funding may be available. I couldn't get any information at all. It was obvious he didn't think it was right. I'm going to try and go back and find a clinic. Although there doesn't seem to be any near me at all but that's ok.

You seem much more organised that me. I've just been thinking about it.

My understanding is that realistically, you're only going to get NHS funding if there's an infertility diagnosis in play (and even then, it's a lottery in different areas as to what's available). 'Social' infertility (i.e. being single or in a same-sex relationship) wouldn't, in itself, be enough. So, if you have an existing diagnosis that means you'd need help to conceive, then that would be relevant; or otherwise if you try with a donor for long enough that not becoming pregnant warrants investigation then again that would be relevant. You might be able to get some of the initial tests done via your GP, though.

Thanks @Persipan I will try again with my GP to get some tests done or at least find a clinic to get some tests don't. I'm hopefully that I won't have any problems with getting pregnant. Once I find a sperm donor.

@cornishgirl86 I was told with funding that because I'm a single female and would be over the age of 30 I could be entitled to some funding not all of it obviously but some. Some people higher up would have to make a decision on it. So it could be a postcode lottery in that sense. I'm just going based on what I was told by my gp.
I've been wanting to have a baby since I was 24. I put it on hold because of my partner at the time he wasn't ready and I wasn't going to force him into it which Tbh I'm glad about because we split just over a year ago due to him being abusive and me finally leaving.

I just got a little fed up I think that's the only reason why I seem more organized. I've always put my life and what I want on hold for other people and I shouldn't have to.

If I want something I won't wait for other people now, I know I'm more then capable or raising a child or children by myself I don't actually need a partner to do that so why bother waiting for one? My family are supporting me in this decision and truthfully I didn't think they would be with them being Roman catholic. But for me, going down the donor root just seem to make sense. Means there's no dad about so I don't have to panic or worry about coparenting going wrong, child maintainence payments or anything else like that. Majority of my friends are single parents and they have nothing but crap to deal with day in and day out and I don't want to go through that, no one does.
All I can suggest for you is to research the hell out of it and start saving up. If you wanted a second with the same sperm you can reserve it for a fee for so long.

Hello,
I've just been through this so thought I'd share my experience. In my area there's zero NHS funding for anything using a donor - may be different elsewhere.
First step: fertility check at private clinic (about £400 I think)
Second step: consultation based on this to decide ivf or iui.
Third step: choose your donor! Choice in the U.K. is pretty limited and you can't see any photos, so I went for one of the foreign banks, which give you more information. Your clinic will tell you what you need to choose if you go down this route. You buy it yourself and it's shipped to your clinic. You pay (a lot!) for the sperm and then a lot for shipping and then a lot to store the stuff. All in all, 3 rounds of natural iui plus sperm cost about about £7,000. Oh and the odds of it working are quite low (although it did work for me). It would be much easier to just have a one night stand though
Good luck!

@Firecat84 thank you! Your message was so helpful. I really don't expect the funding to be available for me nothing ever is in Cornwall! Planning to come off the pill next week and the. I can track my cycle for at least 6 months before getting my Fertility checked out. I'm really glad you said that this is quite a good thing to do is it something I've been thinking about being at the top of my list. That way at least I know if I'm likely to have any problems or not. If you don't mind me asking how many tries did it take you to get pregnant. So pleased you manage to get pregnant congratulations.

@Jellytotts sorry for my late reply been crazy busy at work and planning my sisters surprise 30th birthday party never again! I am sorry to hear you were in an abusive relationship so pleased that you're not in that any more and you have your plan and that your family being so supportive. I've had quite a few stories on here about people doing exactly what we are without the support their family and I can't imagine how hard that must be. I think you're right I do plan on having more than one child, hopefully anyway. So yes I guess once I find some sperm I should reserve some extra. I have recently spoken to my best friend's brother and he is potentially going to be a donor although not involved in the child's life. Not entirely sure how I feel about this, it's free which would be great more money for the child. And I know him really well so I'm not worried about that at all I just don't know how I feel about the dad being around however rarely he comes down to Cornwall.

@Cornishgirl86 I’m now 11 weeks pregnant. I went straight to a private clinic. I’m in London there was a big choice. I don’t know what options are in Cornwall but hopefully you can find somewhere you’re happy with.

I had no trouble getting sperm at all and found exactly what I was looking for through a Danish bank with no waiting. As I had no reason to suspect fertility problems I did IUI and was successful on the 4th.