Having a Baby As a Single Woman - Advice

[singleedition]

Hi all!

Its my first post on here so I'm just getting the hang of things!

Im 27 and chronically single (ha!) and for one reason or another which I'll not get into, I have no interest in finding a partner/settling down but I'm desperate for a baby. I have a good job as a teacher and the last few years I've been saving up for fertility treatment. I was raised solely by my Dad so I have no concerns about raising a child in a single parent family :)

The clinic I'm looking at is the London Women's clinic in Darlington I'm just a bit torn on what kind of treatment to go for. I have PCOS but other than that no known issues so I was looking at the 3 cycle medicated IUI they offer using donor sperm however, I've also looked into the IVF packages they offer through Access Fertility where you get a % of the money back should you not have a baby at the end of the treatment (although obviously medication costs & Donor Sperm are on top of these prices).

I'm planning on starting/getting the ball rolling on treatment next summer when I'm 28 as I want to try and lose some weight to make the PCOS less of an issue (sidenote- why isn't pizza healthy !?)

I'd just really like to hear any stories on peoples experience with IUI/IVF using donor sperm to try and help me with my decision. Or just people who underwent this as a single person! I like the fact IUI is less invasive however I know the success rates are higher with IVF and the money back at the end would be a good fallback!

Thanks in advance all!

S xx

I had a baby last year using donor sperm. I was 35 when I started treatment and I think it would have been better to have started a couple of years earlier, as it might have taken some of the pressure off. 28 seems quite young to go it alone (although obviously from a biological point of view, it’s better than 35).

Do you have support from family or close friends? I think it would be extremely difficult to have a baby alone without this. The first few weeks in particular were very tough. My parents live a few miles away and help me out a lot, which makes a huge difference. However, they are now in their late sixties and have health conditions including arthritis, so I worry that they should be doing less. They insist they are fine for now, though and don’t want to stop babysitting DD.

I was treated at the LWC, but not at the Darlington clinic. Like you, I was torn about whether to have IUI or IVF. I thought I’d have IUI, as it was cheaper, less invasive and lower-risk, but I was surprised by the low cumulative success rate I was quoted. I think I was given a 25% chance of pregnancy after one treatment and a 30% chance after three treatments. Whereas for IVF, my consultant suggested a 45-50% chance after one cycle and a 55-60% chance after three, which seemed rather optimistic based on other statistics I’ve seen. My cynical side wonders if the consultant was steering me towards IVF as it’s more profitable for the clinic. Surely not? Anyway, your chances are likely to be better than mine.

As you might guess, I went for IVF due to the higher success rates, especially as donor sperm is very expensive. I wonder sometimes if I made the right decision, as I ended up needing high doses of fertility drugs, and I don’t know if that could have any long-term effects on my health (some research on this is reassuring, but not all of it). I’m also concerned about some research indicating possible increased health risks for IVF children. But it can be hard to separate any risks from the IVF itself from risks linked to conditions affecting fertility. I should say that I’m healthy and DD is currently the picture of health (touch wood).

I did go for an Access Fertility part-refundable three-cycle package, and although in my case that worked out more expensive, I was too happy and relieved to mind! I liked the conditions of the Access package much more than the conditions of the LWC packages, and I found Access pleasant and reasonable to deal with. I was less impressed with the London Sperm Bank, who rarely replied to emails and didn’t seem very well-organised. The LWC steered me towards using the LSB and I’m sure this had nothing to do with them being owned by the same company .

Anyway, although the whole process was very expensive and being a single mum means I have little time to myself, I can’t regret any of it because I have a fantastic daughter who’s happy and doing well. I know a mum who did the same thing more than ten years ago, and she and her daughter are also doing well. Knowing them helped me make up my mind to go for it and I’m glad I did!

Hi @Cattenberg

Thanks so much for your reply and congratulations on your daughter! :)

I do have a lot of support from friends and family, I've told them about my plan and they were actually all for it (I was worried they would disapprove). I live a few doors down from my dad and my brother and sister live in the same town as well. I do worry about putting too much pressure on my family although thankfully being a teacher means I don't have to worry about school holidays too much and I've budgeted enough to be able to not work until any child would be able to go to nursery and then I could do supply work to fit around those. Having said that, as your parents do I can imagine my dad would insist he was fine to help out! I can imagine the first few weeks being really tough when settling in to everything, i'm really lucky that I have family so close. Even my cousins and grandparents etc.. only live a 20 minute or so drive away.

Apparently with IUI and PCOS the success rates are only around 18% which isn't really great in the grand scheme of things, although i'm hoping losing some weight will manage those symptoms a bit more. If i'm honest I think I am leaning more towards IVF just purely for the higher chance of success. I'd never really considered the health risks of IVF although that might be something I'll need to research now. I know that I'd need a lower dose of medication because of the PCOS but I think I'll definitely do some research into it. Good to know that both you and your daughter or doing well :D.

Access fertility have been fantastic when I've contacted them and the refund element does give a lot of peace of mind in case it doesn't work. Did you find that everything was communicated well between access and LWC? Also If you don't mind me asking, were your medication costs quite expensive on top of this? Ive budgeted for the same Access package as you but have no idea how much to budget medication wise as I know it can depend on the dose etc... Funnily enough my friend and her wife went through the LWC a few years ago and they said the same as you about the London Sperm Bank however said although they were a nightmare to communicate with it was easier than trying to sort out delivery at the correct time with another company. Clearly not much has changed there haha!

Thanks so much for all your help! x

I’m not sure why Mumsnet ate my last post.

Anyway, thanks for your good wishes and I’m glad you have a supportive family. I actually ended up staying with my parents for a few weeks after the birth, as DD initially lost too much weight and needed to be on an intensive feeding plan. But it does get a lot easier once they start mostly sleeping through the night.

Access Fertility communicated well with the LWC, from what I remember. AF wanted to know my AMH level before they would accept me, but I think they accept most women. I agree that their packages give you some peace of mind.

The LSB had to be chased up, because they hadn’t sent the donor sperm to my clinic (they mistakenly thought I hadn’t paid for it). Luckily, the clinic nurse was on the ball and got it sorted in time.

My IVF drugs package was the maximum quoted (about £1,200, I think). Gonal F is particularly expensive and I seemed to need high doses of it. My first attempt was cancelled before egg retrieval, so I didn't need to buy the whole drugs package again. This time round, I bought my Gonal F at ASDA Pharmacy which worked out much cheaper, even though I needed a private prescription from the clinic.

I doubt your medication will cost as much. I would definitely ask your doctor about the health risks of IVF, as you may have a higher risk of OHSS.

The money-raking UK fertility industry can be controversial, including the LWC Darlington. Sorry for linking to the Daily Mail, but I think it’s better to know.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4463792/Exploited-cash-eggs-IVF-clinics.html

To be fair, the LWC do seem to get good results and I would use them again. I liked my doctor - he spared me a a lot of his time to answer my numerous questions.

Good luck! X

Hi singleedition,

Everything you’re saying sounds great to me. Have you checked out Create Fertility clinic too? I used them and I was extremely impressed. Worth going to an open day if you can as they offer natural IVF and some interesting research to go with it. They also gave me a free consultation afterwards, which is always nice!

So, I experienced the same dilemma as you. I started my TTC journey a bit over two years ago when I was 31. Via the tests they found out I had polycystic ovaries (but not the syndrome) so sort of similar to you again. I debated IUI/IVF but went with IUI in the end as it is much less invasive (plus they advised it too). They actually started me on a natural cycle without any drugs, and I was extremely lucky as it resulted in pregnancy . What I would say is that I knew my cycle incredibly well beforehand, and I think that’s why I was “lucky” as I basically timed the IUI myself and did a lot of my own research (I’m a nurse). Ultimately though they told me I had conceived with only a 10-12% chance of success, so very low odds there’s no doubt.

Bottom line is I now have a gorgeous 21 month old DD. So, of course, I would always say go for it - you will never regret a moment of it!

Happy to talk more if you’d like to. Wishing you lots of luck.

I’m 10 years older than you and am 6.5 weeks pregnant from IUI #4. I personally felt strongly that I wanted to persist with IUIs and keep things as simple and natural as possible - even if it meant spending more overall - as I had a very good ovarian reserve and no reason to expect problems. I had to move clinics and shop around to find a consultant who was happy for me to do this, as my first clinic started pushing IVF after three cycles. Everyone is different though and has different priorities, so that isn’t necessarily the approach you will choose to take.

I bought sperm from ESB in Denmark and that’s all been very straightforward. They will buy back any which you don’t use for 75% of the price, provided you keep it stored there.

Do you know about myo-inositol for PCOS? Recent research has found it to have very promising results. ‘It Starts with the Egg’ by Rebecca Fett is a book definitely worth looking at.

Always happy to chat more. Good luck!