Young single mum wants another baby

[Nixie11]

Hi everybody!
This is my first ever message on this!
Here's the run down, I'm 23 years old with a 4 year old almost 5 year old son and I really want another child, unfortunately my sons dad and I broke up about two years ago and I have not had any relationships since.
I have always known that I only want two children but I feel like I don't want to have another baby with a partner.
I just need some advise and a conversation with other people who have been in my shoes or used sperm donation.
Please no judgement I am really taking this very seriously.
Can anyone offer a helping hand?
Thank you.

I have experienced what it is like to have a very deep, almost instinctive, urge to have a baby but it not be possible. It is very difficult if you feel that way so I want to offer sympathy at least. My current situation is not like yours but I have a frozen embryo that I feel a really strong emotional attachment to but, for various reasons, I think I will have to let it go.

I realise you are thinking about practical ways to proceed, I imagine you might get some unsympathetic responses so keep your hard hat ready .

Hello! I am massively older than you and have been trying to have a baby with donor sperm (and more recently also with donor eggs) for quite a while now. It's absolutely a possibility - but my advice is always to think very carefully about how you intend to go about it.

There are basically three options:

• Treatment through a clinic. This is generally the most expensive option but gives you the most reassurance in terms of testing and the legalities of the situation.
• Frozen sperm shipped from Cryos to your home. This is also ultimately pretty expensive but does give you similar levels of reassurance and is a bit more convenient - but your chances of success are lower per cycle.
• Entering into a private arrangement with someone. This is riskier both in terms of things like STI testing (and potentially personal safety) and the legal aspects are massively murkier, so tread carefully if you go down this route.

A really good resource to check out is the donor conception network. Best wishes to you and your family!

This is not in any way meant to be unsympathetic but the things that stand out at me are;

A. 23, you're young and have lots of time and opportunity to meet another
partner and have more children

B. It's only been 2 years - that's not long ag all esp when you're occupied looking after a toddler

C. If you're concerned about age gaps don't be, I know siblings with bigger age gaps than that and they're very close. Gaps narrow as you get older.

Chill out and give yourself a chance to meet another partner; do you get opportunitiesto meet people? Do you family help/ baby sitting?

I know ive not addressed the not wanting to do it with a partner part, I'll try now;

Why not, in many ways it's easier (if the partner is decent of course)?

Have you convinced yourself all men are like your ex of its never going to work out for you? Would you consider counselling if that is it?

*Or

Are financially independent? Do you own your home? Can you afford childcare? Do you have life insurance? What would happen to your children of you were to die?

I feel you should be thinking more about what's best for your child and potential baby and not think only about what you want.

Nixie11
just jumping in late to the party sorry, I was curious how you got on with this? Did you ever find a donor and if so how did you go about it? I'm in a similar situation now but no previous children

Hey to answer a few questions yes I'm financially stable and I rent my house with my son, I do have life insurance and childcare is something I am used to dealing with and of course I would get help with childcare anyway with working tax.
I never said I don't want a partner I just don't want to have a baby with a partner.
I do have some family help but have always been very independent anyway.
Really I reached out for some discussion and advice because it is something I really feel is missing at the minute (I am incredibly grateful for my son of course)
Wanted to add in that I have suffered three miscarriages also during the last year me and my ex were together.

I have yet to really reach into the sperm donor world as I'm sort of just reading lots of different forums/websites. Thanks x

I’m a product of sperm donation. It’s got lots of drawbacks from the kid’s point of view. My strong advice to you is to do it the old fashioned way.

If you don't mind me asking what you feel are the drawbacks? Thank you

Not having a dad.

No medical history, I’m facing a colonoscopy soon because a half sibling has had a dodgy test and I have no idea whether there’s a family history of cancer.

Loss of sense of identity.

Use your imagination OP.

I wish you all the luck in the world x

WhatAShewOff, really interesting to hear views from your point of view- thanks for that.
I can’t help echoing the views of others Nixie11 in saying you are very young to feel the pressure to have a second child now.

I would either plump for semen donation or the old fashioned way. . I waited and eventually had another with my new partner but there is 10 year gap between my boys and they are not particularly close (although this may change as adults). I wish circumstances had meant that Id had ds2 much closer to ds1. The big age gap means i have had to start from scratch all over again, and in a way its like having two single children rather than two siblings. Me and dp have vaguely spoken about things like this and he has said regardless if Id had one or two children, he would have fell in love with me. Tbh dp was happy with just ds1 (not his) but agreed to have ds2 for me as I was desperate for another child.