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On the Mumsnet Donor Conception forum, you can discuss sperm and egg donation with people in the same situation.

Donor conception

IUI at 23?

3 replies

naturelover24 · 04/03/2019 20:05

Hey everyone,

This is my first post on here, I always lurk on MumsNet because I find the forums so useful to read, but today I'm hoping to get some advice and opinions on my own situation. I am 22, 23 this year, and ever since I was 17 I have longed for my own child, at times being so broody I have been depressed from it. I have a degree and am saving money currently. Basically, I have been through some really, really tough experiences with men, which have involved rape by two different men, sexual abuse within a relationship and coercive control and emotional abuse. I have had countless hours of therapy to tackle these issues, but of course they leave permanent scars. When I think of how I picture my life, it does not include a partner, only my own children, to whom I will give all of my love and support. I really cannot imagine being together with a man after all I have been through (and it has been 2+ years since the last bad experience ended). The idea of getting together with someone and baring my soul again after the hurt I have endured is just too scary for me, let alone waiting to get to know them and eventually having children with them, when, sorry to sound cynical, but the relationship could crash and burn overnight. Basically, what are people's opinions of going it alone using IUI (artificial insemination by a sperm donor at a clinic) at a relatively young age? I've always wanted to be a Mum at a fairly young age, and can save for a year or two and will have enough to pay for a couple of treatments and a couple of years of living for the baby and I before I'd have to think about working again (I have lots of savings). However, usually people only use these methods when they're 30+. Just looking for thoughts and opinions, I'd be so grateful if people with negative comments at least write them sensitively! Thanks so much for your help.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/03/2019 20:12

Hey OP- I’m sorry for what you’ve been through with relationships. Well done for going to a counsellor.
I guess the only opinion I could give is to wait, you may roll your eyes but you are very young. Relationships aren’t perfect but there are good men out and there and when you have a child with a good man who loves you and loves your child and you see the traits of them in your child it’s the most amazing feeling. I would hate for you to give up on that.

naturelover24 · 04/03/2019 20:41

Hey OnlyFoolsnMothers - thank you so much for your reply. It's really encouraging to hear you say that, and I do definitely agree that that is a beautiful thing. I'm adopted to lack that connection with my birth parents where I have 'your ears, but Dad's nose' etc... so seeing myself in my children and having that bond is so important to me, but I didn't really think about how special it can be to see the person you love in your children too. If I ever find someone...

OP posts:
aLilNonnyMouse · 13/03/2019 21:05

I'm 28 and just starting the IUI process myself. I wanted to start when I was 23 but I had a year long illness, and then needed time to save up the money.

If you are sure this is what you want then go for it. I think most places ask you to have counselling before they will allow you to use donor sperm (at my clinic it's mandatory) so you'll have a chance to talk though all your feelings about it before you start.

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