My feed

to access all these features

On the Mumsnet Donor Conception forum, you can discuss sperm and egg donation with people in the same situation.

Donor conception

Embryo donation

2 replies

KateWTE · 08/06/2018 20:04

Hi my husband and I are going through IVF at the moment and considering donating the embryos. I don’t like the idea of just throwing them away or them being donated to science. I like the idea of donating them to someone as I know how difficult it is when you desperately want to have children. However I have no idea how I’ll cope with knowing there are some of my/not my children out there. There is also someone a good friend knows that I could possibly donate to. I would then potentially have contact. Has anyone had any experience or any advice?

OP posts:
Cutesbabasmummy · 02/07/2018 17:29

Hi there.

We have a three year old little boy as the result of a donor egg. We had to decide what to do with our remaining embryo. We didn't want another child - I had an extremely tough pregnancy and financially we couldn't afford it. We therefore didn't want to pay 600 euros per year to store it. The clinic won't destroy it until I'm 46 - currently only 42. We felt we couldn't donate it as our child would have whole sibling out there and my husband felt as though it would be his child. So we ended up donating it to science. The clinic advised that currently there is no need for any testing programmes at the clinic so as far as we know its still in the freezer. We did struggle a bit with it though. It felt to me like I was disposing of a child.

Burnie81 · 19/12/2021 19:54

Hi, I know this is a really old thread and you've probably made a decision now but here's my experience just in case you are still paying for storage.

Despite me being very aware that the embryos were in a very early stage I just couldn't destroy them after having children from that batch. We went with donation and I felt fine about it. Then one day I was in a rush for the school run and I opened a letter as I was walking down the road and it told me that a little girl had been born. I went dizzy and my eyes just instantly filled. I felt light headed and confused but cracked on with the school run. I got home, had a cry and then that was it. After the initial reaction I'm really happy with the decision and only occasionally think about her but only to wonder what she looks like. I am very happy with my decision because there is a young child out there who isn't mine, she is a total stranger to me. I wasn't pregnant with her, didn't nurse her or see her milestones and she has nothing to do with me.

My children are young but we refer to IVF as being 'Mummy's body didn't know how to grow a baby so the doctors helped us'. As they get older the story will expand and as teenagers we will tell them in case she ever traces us. We occasionally have chats about what makes a sibling and how it's people who share their childhood and grow together which sets the scene a little for when they are older. It also them understand some friends who were adopted as primary age children.

Should they want to try to trace her when they are older they can join a register - if she does too then they can meet up without me ever being involved.

It's a subject that is difficult to understand unless you've been there and I hope you found or will find a solution that brings you peace. x

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.