How long should we try?

[cshayes]

Hey guys,

We are a lesbian couple, married for 6.5 years, both age 29. We found a great donor and have been inseminating for 6 cycles without any positive result.
We have mostly inseminated when we have had a positive test, but once or twice inseminated too early as it was difficult to get our donor on the exact day needed.

We have been using a moon cup to keep sperm inside & have just got some pre seed and used that on the last time we inseminated.

We are thinking of paying privately to have some fertility tests done just to ensure that we aren't wasting time.

• How long should we try doing it this way? Any success stories? We feel like it's never going to happen and we are just so desperate to be parents.

All advice welcome, thanks for reading :)

I'm generally a fan of getting some basic tests done, because it's super-frustrating to spend ages trying only to find that all those attempts were futile from the get-go because of something you weren't aware of. I think this more so where there's a significant cost associated with each attempt (eg Cryos), though, so there's that.

In your shoes, I would consider asking my GP at what stage they would be prepared to refer you for tests. If there's potentially an underlying health issue preventing a woman from conceiving, that should really sit with them. Worst case scenario they say they can't help, but anything they can assist with is potentially something you don't have to pay for privately.

Otherwise, if you can afford to, I'd consider getting a fertility workup done privately. It's not desperately expensive (in fertility treatment terms, anyway) and may either give you some reassurance or some answers.

Good luck!

Thank you for your advice.
I agree with your input & after talking to my wife, we have contacted the London's Women's Clinic, they have a branch local to us in Cardiff.
The testing that we need is very reasonably priced and includes testing the both of us which is great for future reference.
The waiting lists for gynaecology is quite long, and we would prefer answers fairly quickly & don't mind paying... it's a no brainier really :)

I go to LWC Cardiff and they're really nice and very open to all types of families (I'm single). I hope it goes well!

(Actually, strictly speaking these days I go mainly to Bristol, with Cardiff just for procedures, but it's under the same umbrella, anyway.)

That's good to know, thank you! We are quite nervous about it, but needs must.

Oh, I wish I'd seen this!

Check with your GP. It is a postcode lottery, but you don't want to miss anything that's offered free on the NHS. A surprising amount often is, especially if you have some history of struggling (though six months might not be enough).

I was stunned by how good the NHS was for me. I have pre-existing fertility issues (I had four miscarriages during a previous relationship), but the NHS did loads of tests for me and some they'd have done without the prior history.

We certainly assumed that as a lesbian couple, we'd be eligible for nothing at all, but I'd now say it is always worth asking. The NHS diagnosed me with PCOS (treatable) and a blood clotting disorder (very treatable). Those are two of the commonest reasons women struggle to maintain pregnancies, so it was worth it.

Oh, and - be aware that if things do come up on the tests, you may still want to go back to the NHS for treatment, as it can be much better as well as cheaper.

Hi LRD,
Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it.
Sorry about your miscarriages, how awful 😔
We have paid for an appointment with the London's Women's Clinic. We've both got a pelvic scan & my wife is having bloods. Although this service would have been free with the NHS, there was a 9month waiting list the last time I was referred, hence why we paid. We want to get pregnant ASAP, it took us a while to decide that the time is right, after realising that timing will never be 'perfect'
We will certainly go back to see what the NHS can offer once we get the results, it's amazing what they can do.

Oh, no, I can totally understand wanting to shortcut the waiting lists!

Best of luck to you - it's an exciting time!

Ah thank you ☺️

Just a little update...

We inseminated (cycle 7) and went ahead with appointment at the LWC 2 days later. Results were good, everything was ok. 7th 13 days post ovulation, we had our first positive test, we are currently 6weeks pregnant 🎉

Congratulations! I'm really happy for you!

Thank you @Persipan :)