Hello,
I am a long time lurker, but a first time poster and I'm looking for a little help. Basically, my husband and I have gone through four failed IVF cycles and feel like we need to consider other options. So we're now weighing up adoption versus using donor sperm (we have male factor infertility). We have always been open to both options, but are finding it incredibly difficult to make this decision.
On the one hand, I think we should adopt, but then I worry that perhaps we aren't strong enough to cope with the different style of parenting that I imagine is required of adoptive parents. How do you take the plunge and go for it? I worry that if we decide to go for it, we might later discover that we don't have the skills to parent a child with extra needs. But then I think that actually we do have a lot to offer and will probably be ok.
Then my mind turns to using donor sperm and I wonder whether this is an easier or more difficult option. Would our future child wonder why we brought him or her into the world without being able to contact their biological parent until they are 18? Would they reject my husband and be angry? Is it moral? (having said that, I don't judge people who have used a donor, so I think it sits ok with me emotionally). Is it selfish to use a donor when there are children waiting to be adopted?
I genuinely don't know the answers to these questions and they certainly are big ones. If anyone has been in this situation, I would really value your thoughts. I know this decision is incredibly personal, but hearing other people's views might help my husband and me to get to the root of our own preference.
Many thanks x