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Donor conception

Single at 30 wanting to be SMBC and considering a donor

32 replies

bounce2006 · 11/06/2017 08:07

Hi guys,

I wanted to get your thoughts on my situation. I am 30 and single with a good career and place of my own. I have come to a point where I have decided that having a child is more important to me than being married or having a boyfriend. I feel that having a partner can come at any time but put off conceiving may lead to never conceiving at all. I am not declaring that I am 100% off men, but right now I have a strong desire to bear a child on my own. It's a really difficult topic to talk to with friends and family as they strongly believe in two parent families.

I have been researching in to the idea of sperm donors or coparenting? Please let me know your thoughts or if you have gone through this yourself how did it work out for you?

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IsabelHerna · 08/12/2021 22:17

@bounce2006 Oh thank you for your reply! Congratulations for the little ones your life seems so dreamy! - Yes I do know that most days you barely make it, but oh my I can't wait to be there πŸ˜… It makes me happy and hopeful to hear from someone who's been going through everything and now experiencing motherhood!

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IsabelHerna · 08/12/2021 22:24

My main question is: Is there something I should be doing to prepare? Other than trying to get pregnant πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Like a book, or something to get ready?? One of my friends said that I should put alarms every a couple of hours in the night so I get used to waking up to take care of the baby, but I think it's a bit much, but if I need to do it I will. Is there anything special that you did?

Oh my, I must sound like a total muppet πŸ˜…

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bounce2006 · 09/12/2021 04:08

🀣🀣🀣Sorry but I totally disagree with your friend's advice! There is no need to do that.

The main tips I would advice specifically for someone doing it alone from the beginning is:

  1. Once you've recovered from the birth and the baby is old enough and perhaps you're going back to work, set yourself and baby a routine and stick to it. I did this from about 6/7 months and it has paid off. I have obviously needed to adapt to it as my DS has got older but having a routine in place makes things so much easier and means that you can have a moment to yourself at some point.


  1. Whilst you don't have kids, enjoy it! I traveled alone before I had children. Was always out to dinner or the theatre with friends. Now being a solo mum means I can't always do things like that and everything needs planning far in advance and I dont have a lot of babysitting help. There is a babysitting app called Bubble, but im too afraid to use it and would rather forgo the event and stay home, meaning I miss a lot of social events. I dont mind it though as that's the choice I have made.


  1. Batch cook before your baby arrives! Or ask your friends/family to help with that. Baby toys and flowers are shit presents in those early days to be honest.


  1. You can never have enough nappies.


  1. Get amazon prime for those times its difficult to leave the house.


  1. If youre using a known donor ( or whatever route you're taking) think about how you'll explain it to your child.


I hope all the above helps 😊
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Bloomers58 · 15/12/2021 14:05

@bounce2006 would be fabulous to get an update from you! How is everything going? I really enjoyed reading your thread and am considering this for myself.

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bounce2006 · 16/12/2021 03:30

@Bloomers58

I recently had another baby so now adjusting to life as a mum of 2! Although I'm doing it on my own I have great friends around me for emotional support and the odd baby sitting occasions. Being a solo parent is hard work but I absolutely love it, especially at this time of year.

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Bloomers58 · 16/12/2021 07:33

@bounce2006 thanks for coming back! Congrats. My questions would be .... (but no worries if you don't have time to answer)

  • does your eldest ask questions
  • where did you find your donor?
  • is he involved at all?
  • do you have any time/inclination to date


All the best x
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bounce2006 · 16/12/2021 21:19

Hi @Bloomers58

No worries at all.

Yea he asks about where his dad is. He has done that twice now. I explain it by letting him know about different types of families. As he gets older I plan on continuing age-appropriate discussions with him. I never shut him down and will never lie to him or his sister.

I found my donor on the coparents UK website. I signed up for free at first and then took the plunge to become a paid member.

He has met my DS once when he was a newborn. Moving forward I think its best he is not involved at all as the lines could start to get blurred. I do have his details so when DS is mature and old enough if he wants to reach out then he can, the donor is happy with this.

Dating! No chance! My daughter is still a newborn so not on the horizon for me right now. Although I did meet someone when DS was about 1yo but soon got rid at the first whiff of a red flag. Not sure when I'll be ready to date again but as of now my priority are my children and not even sure when I would find the time (or childcare) to date.

I hope I've answered your questions. 😊

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