Would you choose a donor without seeing his/her picture?

[CarrieMyBag]

Hi all, we are in the middle of selecting donors. It feels like such a daunting process and so many options, all feel like a guess. We contacted a clinic in the UK but they don't provide donor pictures unlike US based such as Xytex. I tell myself it does not matter as long as the personal profile matches what we're looking for, but does it? My friend who herself is an egg donor said that she likes to get a 'feel' of what the person is like from the picture. Does he/she look like a warm or cold person, things like that.

For those of you who have been through this journey, did you insist on using donors who have pictures? What other characteristics do you seek? I can only think of open-id, education, race to match DH. That's about it. It is the most important decision of our lives but it makes us so uneasy with so little control. It's like choose and hope for the best scenario. Thanks in advance for any input you have :)

Fanks snowdog

Hi all,
(shoes, kwick,snowdog-hey-sussing out MN now I've downloaded the app)
I've order 6 straws of donor sperm ready to start iui in May, in U.K. You can't see photos and wasn't really that bothered, especially as it may not necessarily work with that donor (although fingers crossed) I was happy with the sperm bank telling me how they love him coming in as he has a lovely smile and so so kind and a pleasure to see each time. Brighton fertility bank told me they do more tests on their donors than anyone so totally happy with that :)

I have a two year old son from a de that we didn't see a picture of. She must have been pretty as our son is gorgeous! He dues look quite like his daddy though By some stroke of luck the donor and I have the same blood type but we didn't request this x

Hi, I have the possibility to see pictures of my egg's donor. But I consciously decided not to do it, because I don't want to compare the appearance of my future child with her. It would be better not to know her and not to see her.
But if to consider the sperm donors, here I have another opinion. I would like to see the picture of that man.
After all, the most important is the health and blood compatibility...

Yes, I'd want to see a picture. I'd be looking for good symmetry in the face and blue eyes.

I'd be put off by certain faces, so I'd like one that I find attractive.

That's how we chose a mate. So it makes sense from an evolutionary point of view.

I have twins from a sperm donor and have never seen a picture of him. I got basic info like his hair/eye colour but, like others, found the health information to be one of the most important things, along with the reasons he gave for donating. My children look very much like me and members of my family, but occasionally I see features I don't recognise in anyone else I know, and it gives me a bit of an idea what he might look like.

I didn't want to see a donor. I gave this choice to my husband as I didn't want to see her, though we had an opportunity to see pictures, and even a short video presentation of donors. They told about their family, education and future plans. Only thing I wanted to know was so that she would be healthy and smart. I don't want to memorize her face and then comparing the appearance of my child with her. My husband chose five of them and the doctor approved only the one. So my husband also don't know who's eggs it will be.
I'm glad that our clinic provide such detailed description of the donors. Because some people have opportunity to choose what they want.

We didn't see a picture of our donor and I have sort of wrestled with the issue. Obviously I now have the best baby that ever existed so can't get that far with pondering about our choice of donor because of course if we'd had a different donor we'd have got a different baby. Who couldn't possibly be as amazing as the one currently asleep on my lap.

We didn't see a picture because we went with a UK donor. The benefits of a uk donor for us outweighed the opportunity to choose a donor based on more characteristics. We could get started quicker, felt more confident in uk screening of donors, it was cheaper, should be easier for our child to contact the donor when she's 18 if she wants to.

I would have liked to have seen a picture and all the information that the European sperm bank gives but I also recognise that it would have turned me a bit mad weighing up pros and cons that really don't even matter. I'm glad that I will be able to tell my baby that I picked our donor because I was so impatient to meet her, and because he sounded like a kind and caring person.

But it's a very personal choice and it's natural that people will vary in how much information they want or need. I'd just like to offer some reassurance that even if you're not that happy about the choice you make because it's a difficult one, once you have your baby you may not care at all about all the issues that seem so important when you're choosing. Because you will probably (wrongly because again, the best baby in the world is asleep on my lap) think you got the best baby that ever existed.

" you will probably .....think you got the best baby that ever existed"
Well said!
My congrats! You are lucky!
I can't wait when I hold my baby....but it's too early to think about it....The long journey is waiting for me to achieve this dream.

Hi, We're just in the donor egg ivf process. Our gorgeous egg Angel is starting her treatment on Friday to stimulate eggs. We're using a UK clinic so photos are not available-you get colouring, height etc and a pen profile written by the donor plus a message for our child at 18.
I found that, the things that seemed really important initially completely went out of the window when we picked our donor. She has my hubbys colouring, not mine (my khaki green eyes are rare), and she's dark and not blonde like me.
Her own words just really "connected" with me. She sounded so like me in her interests and personality, and we both just really really liked her. Her message to our future child was lovely too. I think, for me, photos would have made the selection harder. I'm really happy that she's a person that I can relate to, which in the end mattered more to me than her appearance. But I appreciate that its different for everyone, and its such a responsibility choosing!

Yup, my experience too! Totes agree with you

Egg donation is a highly successful fertility treatment for those couples where the female partner has premature menopause, poor egg quantity or quality due to advanced female age, or other genetic or egg related problems. However, even with the high success rates, sometimes it is very difficult for a woman to cope with the fact that her genetic material will not be present in her child.
Choosing an egg donor is a simple and straightforward process for some couples but can be complicated and difficult for others.
When I started doing egg donation in 1997, before the proliferation of egg donor agencies on the Internet there were far less egg donors available for couples to choose from.
Back in the late 1990s, couples would usually choose their donor based on finding a woman with similar physical characteristics to those of the female partner. In those days women would often say something like; "Since I am a brunette, it would be great to get a white girl who is a brunette. Do you have any on your donor list?".

However, the egg donation world has changed. With the proliferation of donor agencies there are thousands of donors available through agencies over the Internet. At the same time, couples have become much more particular about what they are looking for in their perfect egg donor. A "white girl with dark hair" will rarely be enough to satisfy recipient couples today.
They did not specify that the donor needs to be beautiful. However, my guess is that she will need to be very attractive for this couple to be satisfied.
In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with having such requirements. What is important is that there is a comfort level for the recipient couple. They need an egg donor that meets their "needs".
It seems that the comfort level was usually much easier to get to15 years ago than it is today.Further insight into what is important to recipient couples when they choose their egg donor comes from looking at the donors that end up getting chosen at our clinic.
Very attractive donors and donors that show a high IQ test score result ("smart") on the evaluation done by the psychologist are not on our donor list for long before they are chosen for their first cycle. They are often used again and again - particularly if their eggs are used in cycles resulting in a pregnancy.

I used a British donor because I believe very strongly in no anonymity for donors. I didn't think about his looks to such an extent that it wasn't until I was actually giving birth that it crossed my mind that DS might not look like me!

He's basically a mini me although, having said that, as he's got older, some of his features aren't entirely from my side of the family. But I like that and point it out to him - I think it helps him to feel connected to his father.

I registered with a UK clinic who showed a photo of the donor as a baby if you paid extra. Ended up not doing IUI/IVF as it would've wiped me out financially in two cycles. Found my own donor on a donation website (most have photos, if not you can ask to see one). I chose my donor based on physical characteristics I wanted plus I chose someone I was attracted to as this would be how I'd choose a partner so it seemed logical. DD is nearly 2. I'm looking for another donor for baby #2 as original one didn't want to donate more than once. All I paid was travel expenses (it's illegal to charge for sperm outside a registered clinic). Doing it this way saved me £££s (that I didn't have).

Oh RoseJames it's your cousin now is it? On one thread it was your husband, on another it was a friend...STOP trying to promote your clinic which is clearly unprofessional if the only way to get business is to post on forums like this.