Looking for some unbiased advice and perspectives.
I’ve posted here before about wanting to divorce and about difficulties within my marriage, including behaviours around finances, control and psychological/emotional abuse. At various points, I’ve been signposted to a domestic abuse charity because of some of these behaviours.
What has become apparent is H may have aut/ADHD traits, although he is undiagnosed. This has been suggested by others. The past year has been challenging with my eldest S 16, and I’m wondering whether he may have similar traits or possibly be ?ND too.
I’m not excusing/ justifying H behaviour because of ? this and whatever the reason the impact still matters. I’ve been reflecting on whether there are things I have perhaps understood differently in hindsight.
For the first ten years or so of our relationship, H was very protected by his mum, who lived close, and I think that may have affected how much i actually noticed within those years as well as being a mum.
The difficult part is over the course of our marriage, his behaviours have caused significant damage to how I feel about him both as a person and as H. We have had no intimacy for over a decade.
At the same time, S is quite vulnerable and that makes the decision about how to separate feel more complicated. I don’t want to make a decision that causes him additional distress, but I also don’t know whether staying in an unhappy marriage is necessarily the right thing to do either.
I’m genuinely at a loss and would really appreciate balanced advice from others
I’m trying to understand the situation from different perspectives perhaps?