How to open up my world after divorce

[Texasbbq92740]

My ex and I were very unhappy for about 5 years prior to our split. But the last 12 months have been unbearable. So much stress, sadness, mental health concerns , health concerns. It was all consuming .
Split is now done and we are all in the recovery process. I have a pre teen and a young teen. Its obviously much easier than having young kids but they still need me to be here and want feeding, lifts etc .
I feel like I have completely lost myself and during the hard times I didn't go out or socialise etc and my world has become very small. I am early 40s.
My ex sees the children but only at our house. So I dont get a break ever. No overnights.
We live in a semi rural location. Not a lot going on such as clubs etc.
Where do I start as I still dont feel like I have any freedom? Just a tonne of responsibilities

First of all, well done on doing a difficult thing. I am at the end of a 2 year divorce process ending a 29 year relationship so I know what you mean about needing to find yourself again after many years. Even though I worked and was 'independent' in many ways, you need to reset after a long relationship.

I would say take things a step at a time. I remember being so overwhelmed by everything that needed to happen to start again, adding in the pressure from myself to go out, make new friends, have fun, travel solo or else I wasn't doing it right. I really slowed down recently and I now look for small pleasures every day - noticing stuff I didn't used to, growing stuff in the garden, a nice coffee, self care, reading, cooking myself nice food.

I have two older teens who also don't spend much time with their dad. On that front, if you can, stop the visits to your house. You need to set boundaries and move on and that makes it impossible. I am in the same boat and will be laying down the law on that soon - that will go down like a lead balloon!

Is there something small you can start doing for you to get the ball rolling?

is there a reason your ex only sees the children in your house and doesn’t have them overnight or extended periods ?

Ex needs to see his DC away from your home. Why is that happening?

You need to re-group and self reflect, that can only be done with quietness and time alone. Is he getting his own place? Try reading some books on how to mindfully meditate.

You need a two pronged approach. One, build up independence for the children, two, block the Ex so he becomes independent as well.

We live in a semi rural location. Not a lot going on such as clubs etc.
Can you look into moving? What do their friends do at weekends? Could you have a sleepover with close friends one weekend and they reciprocate the next/within the same month?

My ex sees the children but only at our house. So I dont get a break ever. No overnights.
That needs to stop. He can take them to the cinema, pizzahut or macdonalds, just somewhere. No divorce judge would make an order on contact being in the ex's house because it is so unreasonable!

Seeing at our house due to mental health. He isnt able to have them alone or overnight. Not due to safety but getting overwhelmed etc. He is in recovery from a nervous breakdown.

He has got his own flat.

I like to socialise but only on my terms. I prefer to have acquaintances rather than friends as I like my own space. My ideal would be to attend some clubs where I could socialise but in a structured way. But there doesnt seem to be much that goes on around here or its just for the elderly

I prefer acquaintances too. Have you thought about groups like yoga, pilates, walking etc

Church? Even in a rural place, there's always a church! You don't have to be religious. Plus, it's structured, there's music, they'll welcome you and even if people are elderly they'll know other people and it gets you out of the house.