Please Divorce advice :( !!!!

[anne1985]

My husband and me are planning to get a divorce ( we just spoke and made the decision although thinking about it for a bit) we have 2 kids and not working as I am a stay at home mum. Also, I would have to go back to my home country , Italy as I couldn’t support ourselves here. He doesn’t have any assets but he owns a business and not really looking forward to share anything with me. (That’s mainly the reason we have decided to separate) What are my options? What advice do you have? I am lost :( pd: forgot to say my kids go to private school and we live a very comfortable lifestyledivor

Hi there @anne1985 I’ve no advice as such as I’m going through something similar. My wife is German and we have one daughter aged 13. She is talking about going back to Germany at some point. My daughter is also at a private school and we have a comfortable lifestyle.

Hi @ecologist111444 so sorry to hear that. It was her decision to leave the relationship? Or did you guys agree mutually? My reason to move with the kids is that I am not working and I couldn’t support us here

@anne1985 it was a mutual decision as we are both just so exhausted. For me it is the total lack of intimacy for over 3 years that has been the killer, I can’t be in a sexless marriage.

You cannot move and take your child if your ex does not agree. He can apply for prohibited steps to stop you

the business is a marital asset and will need valuing.

You need to see a solicitor to determine your position,

This. Does your husband agree to you relocating the children to Italy?

Thank you @millymollymoomoofor your response. He’s stating that he has “nothing” on his name and will only give the monthly child support. We are married for 13 years

He doesn’t mind me taking the kids, but stating he has “nothing” on his name. He owns a business but no assets. Our children attend a very expensive private school and we live a comfortable life but not sure what are my options :(

He agreed on me taking the kids, but I’ve been out of work for a really long time looking after the kids so I’ll need some time to get back on my feet

I agree. You need to see a solicitor to understand how to value the asset.

Can you not get a job in the country you're in?
Why is the man fine with his kids being moved internationally?
The house and marital assets will all be sorted in the divorce process.

Hi @Naurrrin the divorce process but how exactly? We haven’t talked about solicitors. Do I have to get one? Would he get his own one? Do we need just one for us both? Sorry, this is all new for me and I’m feeling exhausted and mentally and drained.

You need to get independent legal advice as does he. Do not worry about organising this for him. Find yourself a divorce lawyer and get a consultation. Take financial information with you so they can advise you.o

She can't afford a solicitor.
You can start the divorce by filling in the forms online. There's a site called WikiVorce with information.

Removing the kids from their entire lives to live abroad, ending their relationship with their father, seems like a bad idea.

You need a lawyer for yourself. You say he has no assets but what about the house you all live in, his pension, his business - they’re all assets that would be considered in the event of a split.

If you move back to Italy do you have a decent support network there, and a way to have an income - is there a decent social safety net and would you be entitled to access that if you’ve been resident here?

Whether he’s looking forward to sharing with you or not, you’re both married so in law it’s shared anyway.

The house we live in is rented and I couldn’t afford to pay it by myself. My family lives in Italy so it would be easier for me to have that support, although I would need to get back on my feet and find a job. I have never been part of his finances as he wouldn’t let me, therefore I’m not really sure how would this affect the whole divorce process and outcome. He owns a successful business but stating anything is on his name. I’m not sure up to what extend this could be true or possible since he is the owner, but I believe is more a way of him not wanting sharing anything and preferring to fix the situation by ourselves which will obviously benefit him hugely

You absolutely need to get legal advice - most solicitors will.offer half an hour free to get a sense of the way forward. It's your legal.advice.
He may well already have taken legal.advice x- do not rely on what he is telling you about money or the process. How it can be paid for needs to be part of the first conversation. The lawyer should give you an idea how practical it all is.

It dies not matter if the business is in his name. It’s a marital asset. As is any cash savings, investments, pensions held in his name alone. You must get legal advice.

Do not take advice from your soon to be ex husband who is a successful business owner but claims to have nothing. Be very careful.

I have a feeling that he’s going to make things difficult..

You need your own solicitors and he will have to provide his financial position and then you’ll know what you’re entitled to.
you say you have nothing but also say you love a comfortable lifestyle which doesn’t make sense to me unless I am missing something.
is he not bothered about the children leaving the country? If you move to Italy you may not be able to enforce child maintenance - is getting back on your feet here not an option if you get a decent settlement? Start looking for work now and get yourself in a better position

Child maintenance is enforceable from Italy. The bigger questions /issues are

why does he not care his child being removed from the country

if he’s self employed cms may be much harder to get

Hi @Gonk123 I mean we are renting a house, and I’m not working so going to Italy where my family lives is the best option. I didn’t say I love a comfortable life I said we lived a comfortable life (we both decided I will be a stay at home mum so he could grow his business) That doesn’t mean I’m staying in a relationship that is not transparent just for that.

Hi @millymollymoomoo he is fine dor me to take the kids to my home town as here he’ll have to get a house for us or him to take a new house and we have decided it will be best that way. Why would child maintenance will be more difficult to get if he owns his company?

@millymollymoomoo also, he is stating he has no assets in his name and it is true he doesn’t own a home as he has always preferred to rent. But I am
just not sure in this cases what is the deal when small kids are involved

You need a good lawyer and you need to check the details of his business at companies house. Firstly he does have an asset - the shares in his successful business. Secondly it is likely that 50 percent of those shares are due to you after a long marriage with children. You can look on the website companies house for his exact company name (look at the companies website in the small print and there is usually the full company name or the company number - both can be used to look up the company details for free at companies house) and see the details of the business including the confirmation of what shares he owns on it. The challenge will be making those shares worth something which is why you need a good lawyer as there are lots of ways for him to play games depending on the nature of the business.