Ex won’t give up spare bedroom

[PollyBlueBird]

I have been sleeping downstairs in the dining room for 3 months, it’s connected to the kitchen so am getting constantly disturbed when I’m trying to sleep, I’m living out of bags and have no privacy. Ex has sole use of upstairs bedroom, en-suite and spare bedroom which has his computer in, he wfh 2 days a week. My solicitor advised asking him to move his belongings out of the spare room by the time I get back from holiday on Friday, and if not I will move his things out myself. He has replied to say he won’t do that and I can’t legally force him to. He is also delaying the sale of the house by not signing paperwork with the estate agent, although we have both agreed to sell. I no idea what to do, I feel completely powerless and he has all the control. I feel so worn down and exhausted.

Yes. You need back up. It’s not ok that he had two bedrooms and you have none. In fact it’s abusive.

He does not get to have 2 bedrooms while you have none, don’t let him bully you.

tell him to pick a room before you do.

do you both own the house equally?

Ask a friend to come help move it. Say I’ll be careful but if you’re shouting at me I might drop things. All your legal bullshit doesn’t stop me sleeping, with my things, in a room in the house I live in, with due privacy. As long as it’s not the room you’re sleeping in or a main living room, and it feels like the room I’ve been in is the main living room. Move before I drop this accidentally down the stairs. I’m being very generous here and your lawyer knows it.

OP you need to write all of this down. Describe what happened, and email it to your solicitor. Including comments about mediation.

the solicitor can consider then applications to the court re fair occupancy, or court ordered sale, and whether they will legally class this as coercive control or abuse in which case other orders can be applied for.

Theres no point getting into a tug of war with his stuff. You know he is doing this to harm you, so box clever and report his every step.

Do you have enough money for the solicitor?

He wants to make you feel this way. You can’t compromise with an abusive man. Every move you make he will try use against you, to make you unravel, so think about the long term trajectory.

whats the downstairs layout like Op?

Another alternative depending on your finances, is if you verify this with your solicitor, that his abuse means the situation at home feels unsafe, would you have the funding to rent and apartment where the cost of doing so can be calculated or repaid upon settlement from the sale of the house.

you need to stress that this is an emotionally abusive relationship, you have tried as long as you can but you need options.

done discuss any of this with him, just work out your options with the solicitor and identify what access to funding you have.

You haven’t answered about ownership of the house. Do you have a stake in it?

It must be hard, but how strong are you? (In terms of voice, emotions etc). Does he feel he can walk over you? Be forceful, you TELL him to move his stuff, he can pick a room but move his stuff. If he doesn’t, when he’s out then just do it.
why are you going through mediation? Sounds like he’s just stalling.

Just keep on moving his stuff. Let him have his office and put all his things out of the other bedroom in there. Preferably whilst he’s on a work call!

Yes we are joint owners

Yes we are joint owners

I’m on full time minimum wage so money is tight for a solicitor. You’re right though, he will never compromise.
Downstairs, I’m sleeping in the dining room which is the walkway to the kitchen. Dogs are in the living room so I can’t sleep in there.

Yes it’s obviously shit but putting stuff on landing and locks on doors will not end well and lead to an even more hostile atmosphere

what about the suggestion of swapping his office and the dining room

This is an issue, I’m a walk over! I don’t feel strong enough to actually move his things, I’ve told him I will be standing up to him and actually doing it on my own is not so easy. I have 2 teenagers in the house as well (not his) so am mindful about what they’re seeing.

I’ve suggested that, he works from home 2 days so I get it’s not really possible for him.

Ok and you’ve mentioned two teenagers now, so you being in the dining room is removing their space as well.

so he’s not just impacting you but the whole family, this is hugely frowned upon.

he can work from the dining room and with the bedroom for you. Have you asked him that?

have you called women’s aid? They may be able to help you with legal support given your income.