Kids won’t go to their dads at same time

[Em1988x]

two kids, dd 9 and ds 12. We’ve been separated for little over a year now and they’ve gone to their dads together a handful of times. He usually has dd Tuesday night from 6pm until 6am next morning and Thursday after dance from 7.30, and ds a Friday night. On the odd occasion I have gone out he has had them a sat night for me. They both want one on one time, wind each other up, argue etc. now got to a point where dd doesn’t want to go at same time as ds because she wants the one on one time. This leaves me with always one child at home and no time for myself, new partner or even get a food shop done alone. I know that sounds bad but I feel like I’m constantly rushing around and because I feel guilt from the separation, I do try over compensate with time and doing things with them. Does anyone here have more than 1 child and make the co parenting work with sending both kids or should I just give in and let one go at a time as it’s been.

You do realise that having a child you should be expecting to have them round all the time? It’s only because your marriage failed that you spend any time away from them at all.

That isn’t, and shouldn’t be, the norm.

Rubbish, a successful marriage with a decent father should involve him parenting his own children at times too, therefore engineering a break for the mother.

What a weird comment.

Why wouldn't you be able to get shopping done with a 12 year old child? They aren't babies.

You do realise that in most partnerships one person isn’t with all children 24/7 don’t you? That there are some hours where the other person is responsible for the children?

Think about it a bit more. She needs a break. If there are two parents at home, then you get one, that is normal. Do you never spend time away from your children? Think I would have gone bonkers if I hadn't been able to.

He usually has dd Tuesday night from 6pm until 6am next morning and Thursday after dance from 7.30, and ds a Friday night.

Most of that time the children are asleep! He doesn’t even take them to or from school or take dd to and from dance. Why bother going?

So you have them both together but your ex doesn’t? Can he not manage them so they’re not winding each other up?

He takes them both he parents them both he can have one on one too but at least once a week he takes and parents them both its not fair for him to be able to disney parent and you be run out of energy everyone will do better if your able to rest

Say no? Be firm, they don’t get to dictate to you

Why can't he has them both together every other weekend, maybe and then the evenings he currently does as the one on one time?

It sounds like they are still dealing with the trauma of separation , manifesting in clinginess and wanting 1:1 time with you. They may also want to reassure themselves that you’re not doing anything fun when they’re not there (fear of new partners etc). I think they probably need more time to adjust. But some of your points like food shopping etc don’t make sense - take them with you or leave them home alone. It’s important to model normal life going on regardless of the separation, that’s what will help them feel secure.

Ugh, I bet you have hideously enmeshed children who will need years of therapy. What a ludicrous comment.

You need to sit down and discuss this he should have both kids not one at a time

It's the kids not wanting to go together not the dad not wanting them. Well that's how I read it.

Why haven’t you got into a better routine of eow or 50:50 ?

you can go shopping on your own. Both your children are old enough to be left for an hour/ your 12 yo longer

First off, as others have said, most people have their kids fully time, that's what happened when you have kids
They are old enough to go shopping without being a pain, the oldest one is old enough to be left at home if needs be.
What would you have done if you stayed together? Did he often have both the kids then?