Changing locks - WWYD?

[EMDRwife]

My husband has had worsening MH problems and it led to me leaving the family home suddenly 2 weeks ago. We have been staying with a relative since. My husband made threats to harm me so police and safeguarding involved. He OD’d last Wednesday but wasn’t sectioned despite being taken to hospital. He has finally left family home to stay at an open MH facility (not deprived of liberties but some focused support). I am due to live back on Wednesday with kids. He has refused to leave keys or transfer Ring account to me. Also said something about coming to get stuff when I wasn’t there. He switches between being sad and reflective to being angry and blaming me. Friends/family are going on about changing locks but am concerned I will inflame situation and technically I can’t. My solicitor says courts will be sympathetic but occupational order would be £££.

anyone have any advice/experience?

Would you consider a non-molestation order (and add some bolts to the doors?)

Assuming the house is in his name or joint then you legally can't change the locks to keep him out and I agree it could inflame the situation.

Agree to add bolts to the doors so that he can't come in when you're there without you letting him.

You could remove the ring doorbell or cover it. You could also get your own (plenty don't need a subscription) or put a camera in the hall.

Are you filing for divorce? Where will he live when he comes out of the facility?

I am starting proceedings to separate. We have a rental flat that we have given notice on this week

problem with bolt is it doesn’t help if I am out. I don’t want to come home and he is sat there.

Getting your own camera does alert you to if he has entered so the bolts would prevent this if you’re home and the camera prevents your situation if you’re out

its probably the best and least confrontational

Get rid of the ring camera, turn it off if you can via the ring camera itself or put it in a shed or something until battery runs out, then get another incase he shows up.

People say you can’t change the locks when the other person owns the house still.

But when I was in a similar situation, I did. I think with his documented history of mental health issues, people would understand why you had to for your safety. Do you have a lawyer yet? Maybe check with them? My instinct would be that you need to be safe in the house to be able to return there.

It's not quite accurate to say you can't change the locks. You can change the locks but he can do what he likes to get in. So as an equal homeowner, he could break the door or get another locksmith and change them again.

Sorry you're in this situation. I would get rid of the camera for a start.

If you’ve already given notice, how long is the notice period? Maybe talk to the landlord about allowing an early break due to the situation, and a non molestation order if you’re concerned. He is erratic. He is allowed to enter an home he is on thr lease for, so the sooner you can find something more permanent the better

Commenting here as my partner’s ex claimed she ‘lost’ her keys and had to get them all changed. You could do the same? Then if he ever finds out (which he will most likely) you can just say that and delay giving him a copy if at all

Had a similar situation- courts police involved- they were all sympathetic to everything I did to protect the children- presumably you would be doing that by changing locks so I would do it.

also eventually the police arrested my ex , even though he was very mentally unwell( eventually sectioned) and put bail conditions in place to stay away from us and it was the best thing ever.

if he is making threats to harm you can you ask police to treat as a crime?

I am sorry you are going through this op. I know it’s awful.

I am a couple of years down the line sitting jn bed in my peaceful house - it gets better. Good luck for this bit .

You can sometimes get legal aid to apply for the occupation order if there has been domestic violence? Or ask the police to arrest him if there has been abuse and put bail conditions on, as above.