Lining up my divorce ducks, which ducks do you regret, which ones do you celebrate?

[moonwombat]

Please be my online coven. My real life coven of friends are fabulous and gorgeous, but haven't got experience of slightly messy divorce to share with me.

My marriage is coming to an end – if you've been through divorce with dependent kids, please share your wisdom with me.

1. What are you most glad you did?
2. What's the biggest thing you'd do differently?

(Nul points for saying "I wouldn't have married in the first place"...)

I've got two kids, teen and primary, and a much smaller income than him. There have been shenanigans which mean I'm likely to get more than a 50% split of assets, and we both own the house (still with a mortgage). I want my kids to come through it not feeling awful. I want the same for me, and yes, for him too, but the kids are most important.

I've not even talked to a lawyer yet, but I'm lining up my ducks to do this.

Quack.

Thanks for any pearls of MN wisdom you can send my way.

Exactly what mine was like- he had the version he kept for me and me alone, and the version everyone else saw. Dropping that one email- which wasn’t even as bad as some of the ones he sent- made him play nicely as he was terrified he’d be publicly exposed for what he actually was instead of the nice guy image he’d carefully created for himself.

From my parents and in laws numerous divorces (they are on 5 between them) I have leant that protecting the mental health of your kids and yourself is key. You need support from someone outside of it all who isn't caught up in the drama, as there is always drama. No-one wins a divorce and my relatives who are still trying to win decades later are all very unhappy people.