Hi everyone, let me just off by saying that I know what I did was wrong 13 years ago but do I deserve to be “punished” or belittled at least monthly for that mistake?!
13 years ago, I was pregnant with our first baby and we’d just moved in together. An ex friends with benefits messaged me and I replied. It stayed neutral until he messaged saying we had some fun times didn’t we and I stupidly message back agreeing with flighty emojis. After sending it I knew I’d messed up so I blocked the guy and left it. Husband was out that night drinking and honestly I just didn’t bring it up. (Yes I know stupid!)
he later found out about the message 3 years later after we’d got engaged. I have never cheated on my husband and never will. He decided he wanted to stay with me and we carried on life. Now the problem is. Every time we argue, it’s always brought up in a way to score points. To like always win the arguement. But never said anything hurtful or belittling. 10 years past by and we was getting a long great for 2 years or so no arguments, decided we’d get married but my condition was that he only marries me if he’s able to actually trust me. And believe that it was a stupid mistake and that I would never cheat on him. He said he knows that and believes me. we went on to get married. First year was great, the two years after those we argue on a weekly basis.
he’ll now say things like “so do you think you emotionally cheated on me back then” or he’ll say things like “you have always been a slapper. That’s all you’ll be” or “I’ve wasted my best years with someone who couldn’t give a shit” and some other pretty vulgar stuff.
he says it’s just anger talking and that he can’t stop his mind from playing over the fact that I did or why I did it.
now the thing is we have 5 children in the mix, house, marriage and plus 13 years I’ve not been in charge of any bills. They all come out of his bank. I transfer my share for the bills but all comes out of his bank account. I couldn’t even tell you how much our gas/electric costs etc. I say let me see the numbers and he’ll just have a “bills” amount and he always says don’t worry I sort that so you don’t have to stress. But the thing is. This weeks argument he said “let’s see how you cope financially without me, when you don’t do shit or know the ins and outs” then I started to think “shit. He’s actually right” so then when he apologises, all I ever say is “it’s okay”. 😞 then we have a good half week and then it’s back to him being angry at me for something I did 13 years ago. Repeat. Repeat. Now the problem is, I love him deeply but I’m starting to feel drained/numb from the constant arguments and basically being made to feel the worst person on earth weekly/monthly.