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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Help! Will a judge approve our agreed divorce settlement and consent order?

10 replies

Time4GinAgain · 22/06/2026 12:52

Hi there - I started divorce proceedings in Jan this year. I have a daughter now 17 from a previous relationship. I own the house and did for 8 years before I met STBEXH, and throughout the relationship we agreed all the equity in the property would remain as mine, as I had saved and worked so hard for it as a secretary for years before I was able to buy, but it was a lot of equity (£500k) as I've owned it then like I say for 8 years and now it's 20 years. The marriage was 8 years. STBEXH and I separated in Oct 2024 but he didn't move out til Sep 2025. We were still working together in my business, based at home, but him in a lighter role, where he visited only and no longer lived. He has his own good self-employed job as an accountant so he was just doing basics for me until we sorted out how to keep him out of the business and for us to live financially separate as well as physically Then my Mum died at the end of Nov 2025 and I am about to inherit quite a lot of money (£400k). We are in complete agreement about the equity, about the inheritance that will be housing me and my daughter still in my house, and I am due to pay him £100k in the consent order which is about 1/5th of my total money before inheriting. The house did go up in value during our marriage but we remortgaged to a bigger mortgage in my name and the equity remains the same now despite this. He moved on with a new partner v quickly and is ticking the 'intend to cohabit' box with a proviso that while he doesn't have any real plans to do so, it is foreseeable that he could before the long stop of 2 years (by which I have to pay him is reached). My question is, this looks HUGELY unfair to him, but we're in agreement, he's got a new partner and is probably going to move or buy somewhere with her, he earns a good £6k+ a month, and I owned the house a long time before I met him, it's always been in my sole name, there are no children of the marriage and he has a small pension, plus the house is the basis for my two home businesses and my daughter. We have both taken advice and of course he's been told he could get more, but not 50/50, more like double. I don't want to give him anymore than £100k as the relationship was abusive and he was arrested twice and had his keys taken off him by the police. We can't enter the abuse in the court order/settlement as it isn't 'extreme' enough and his £100k figure was what he proposed anyhow, hopefully low in light of his part-acceptance of the abuse. I honestly don't want to give him anything more but am agreed on the 100k just to get rid of him and so we can both move on. He can easily get a mortgage with his strong earnings and the 100k as deposit and this is what he wants too. BUT will the judge let that through with that reasoning and explanation (and we can't mention the abuse)? I should have got a pre-nup! I know it's a huge amount more that I get but I worked hard for it and when we met he wasn't earning more than £20k a year and I was paying for everything. He is now really well set up and earning good money and we can support ourselves totally independently. I don't have a lot of monthly income and I have no pension. We will both be fine and have our housing needs met and my and my daughter's home is not destabilised. He doesn't want his new partner's financial situation brought into it and that's fine, but he does want to say it's intended, just in case. Can anyone advise me?

OP posts:
hedgehoggle · 22/06/2026 12:55

I think you will need legal advice on this. Assume you have a solicitor- what's their opinion?

fruitj · 22/06/2026 13:09

Speak to your solicitor. But I will say I had a similar situation. The judge initially sent it back to us as unfair. We wrote a joint letter to explain why we agreed I would be getting more and returned the petition, and at that point the judge accepted it. So it is possible but you might have to explain your reasoning.

millymollymoomoo · 22/06/2026 13:25

It is possible as long as

i) you e both had independent legal advice
ii) you both agree
iii) can both show that /answer questions on it and demonstrate why you’re ok ( eg pre marital
assets, post separation inheritance, no joint children, ex living with someone else, both earning and needs met etc etc )

there is likely to be questions

Time4GinAgain · 22/06/2026 14:53

fruitj · 22/06/2026 13:09

Speak to your solicitor. But I will say I had a similar situation. The judge initially sent it back to us as unfair. We wrote a joint letter to explain why we agreed I would be getting more and returned the petition, and at that point the judge accepted it. So it is possible but you might have to explain your reasoning.

Thanks - what did you write in yours that got it through? Do you think a proactive statement sent at the same time as the consent order would be a good idea?

OP posts:
Time4GinAgain · 22/06/2026 14:54

millymollymoomoo · 22/06/2026 13:25

It is possible as long as

i) you e both had independent legal advice
ii) you both agree
iii) can both show that /answer questions on it and demonstrate why you’re ok ( eg pre marital
assets, post separation inheritance, no joint children, ex living with someone else, both earning and needs met etc etc )

there is likely to be questions

Thank you - would you recommend a proactive statement also?

OP posts:
Time4GinAgain · 22/06/2026 14:55

hedgehoggle · 22/06/2026 12:55

I think you will need legal advice on this. Assume you have a solicitor- what's their opinion?

we're initially using Amicable but I am unsure their more 'template' approach will be able to get this through, so I am asking a solicitor to look it over before we send it - and they will of course take over once / if it comes back with questions

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 22/06/2026 15:35

When we completed our joint d81 there were boxes where you can write the reason. We just did that going for the less is more view.

MakingPlans2025 · 22/06/2026 15:38

No one can possibly tell you what a judge is going to say about this but if you have both had independent legal advice and the consent order has been drawn up properly then it probably will go through, I think the courts have enough to do dealing with contentious stuff than to get involved when both parties agree.

wendywoopywoo222 · 22/06/2026 17:16

Ours looked very one sided on paper and we were called in to explain it all to the judge who then considered why we had decided as we had and then signed it off. Was just a meeting in his chambers with me and ex husband.

Passaggressfedup · 23/06/2026 08:21

Yes, it can absolutely be granted. The most important factor is that he understands the ramifications of the agreement , ie. He could most likely get more and this is a clean break agreement, so no coming back. If he had legal advice that should cover it.

The other factor is that he will still be okay financially and able to rehouse himself, which seems to be the case.

Lastly that there has been no coercion and he is agreeing because it really is what he thinks is fair.

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