What is a fair equity split after separation without marriage?

[Sparklenote]

Has anyone got experience with equity division after separation when you’re not married?
Ex partner and I together for 10 years and joint mortgage for 5 years. Moved house 3 years ago to start a family. He had an affair and abandoned us and the mortgage after a year of moving in. I was part time and looked after our son the other days, and he left me to pay it all with no notice and no discussion. He sees his son on Saturdays but cancels sometimes if he’s busy. So I am the sole functioning parent.
Fast forward another 2 years of me paying the mortgage and I’m in a position to take over the mortgage in my own name as I’m now full time.
He wants a 55/65 division of £90k equity.
We contributed equally to the equity and bills over the years even though I lost money on maternity leave and working part time to look after our child.

Im struggling to think what’s fair. I have to provide a larger home to house our child with associated costs etc. plus need to be close to school for drop offs. He has very little interest in his child.
If I sell to release the equity he wants then I have stamp duty and moving costs to cover but he wouldn’t.

i would split the equity in half, then work out his half of the mortgage payments since he left and you have that amount more.

how about deposit. Who paid that?

what % is he asking for?

Get 3 valuations and only show him the lowest?

Unless you have a Declaration of Trust / tenants in common specifying a different %, its 50/50 as you are not married.
On what basis does he think he gets the bigger %?
Forget the fact you paid bills, we all have to pay them regardless of where we live.
The issue you have is that there isn't much equity so any going to court is going to eat into the amount.
Selling costs (estate agent and legal fees will reduce this further)

How do you son the house ? Joint tenants ? If so legally it’s 50:50 unless he agrees to anything lower

Should say how do you own the house not son

Legally pointless unless he had already agreed to that. His ownership and interest remain unchanged after he moved out. If it was 50% it is still 50%, this is unrelated to who pays the mortgage or who lives there.

Hmmm, legally, morally ethically - all different definitions of fair I’m afraid. If you jointly own the house, unmarried, it’s generally a straight 50/50. Try getting legal advice in case there are other options, but don’t get your hopes up op. CMS is separate and make sure you get that too.

I understand the legalities, I’m more interested in whether people have come to private agreements that consider responsibility to the child outside of court.

If there was no child I agree 50/50 minus extra contributions I’ve made as there is a declaration of trust for this.

But there is a young child and so I morally feel this should be reflected in the split as my costs and restrictions on where I can live will be greater, plus the next decade where I am solely responsible for providing a home for her.

Morally is it not fair that he considers responsibility for housing his own child?
I don’t mean legally but morally. And what do you think would be fair?
He had no interest in any childcare responsibilities and does not parent at all.

I get it, i was in the same situation, However morals do not come in to it and and he got the exact % he was entitled to.
You need to come to terms with it and move on.
If you wanted the child situation to be accounted for, you would have needed to marry him. You didn't.

Does he want to explore a fair split or does he just want what he is legally entitled to?

Well, legally and morally are separate considerations but whatever you do get you can take comfort from knowing that your ex will forever be a total wanker cum shitstain because of how he has treated his child.
And his child will eventually realise it too.

I appreciate this response!

There could be some negotiation as his siblings have some influence and they think he should contribute more.

I hope he pays the maximum child maintenance if he has no overnights!

Im really sorry that you are in this position and you sound well rid of him.

I get what you’re saying but he has to agree it and if he’s genuinely not interested in parenting I can’t see that he will

his contribution will come through cms and that’s all.

shit but probably all
you can expect

What do morals have to do with this? He has no morals - he left his partner and his one year old child for another woman and has shown no interest since. It's too late to be fair. You can spend the rest of time trying to get him to do the moral thing but that ship has sailed. Legally it's 50:50. You can burn through £45k in solicitors fees and your own valuable time very quickly trying to get him to see otherwise but it will never happen.

Strongly recommend you reading Let Them by Mel Robbins. You cannot influence anyone else's behaviour - you can only choose the right path for you.

Yes, but what does he think?

Does he just want to keep to a straightforward split of what each of you are legally entitled to?

Echo this. Forget about what morally is or isn't right. Find out where you stand legally, and then fight for what you can get for you and your child.

Morals has nothing to do with this.

If op ex doesn’t agree to vary a share in ops favour ( and why would he) the only recourse is a cksim
under sch1 of childrens act and tolata laws / and all equity will be wiped out doing so.

so while op could try to appeal to his better nature ( if he had one) trying a legal route will prove very costly ( and take years) . If there is only 90k equity so 50:50 is 45k each ( subject to valuation) each 1% is £900, so get 60% would give op £54k not 45k, / but a legal route will prove much more costly than the 9k added.

so sure, have a conversation but id strongly advise a legal battle - i) there is no guarantee of successful outcome 2) you’ll spend more than you gain

edited to add you can try to reach agreement on a valuation that is realistic, and deduct notional
selling costs etc ( reasonable estate agents fees and legal fees as if you were selling in open market from that ) that is normal when buying someone out of their share .

Thank you this is very helpful advice.
I agree it won’t go to court, and my ex wouldn’t take it to court either.
I am trying to appeal to his better nature as whilst he has no real interest in parenting he is fair enough that he covers child maintenance and childcare costs reliably.

I'd push for 60:40, because you've paid for the mortgage for the last 2 years. However, he's entitled to a 50:50 split. Its not worth fighting it out in court. It will just cost you money.

It doesn’t matter that op paid the mortgage be cause 1) capital repayments are unlikely to equate to 10% 2) op ex money is tied up so op getting sole benefit of his investment

op can argue fir more on basis of ability to house children, parenting abc income hit through pt work - op ex doesn’t have to agree but he might compromise.its worth an ask

The morality of any division of property will always be subjective. But morally he could wait for his legal share, in order to provide stability for his child.

thsts probably not in ops best interests / she pays 100% of mortgage and everything/ then I’m 10-15 years has to buy out her 50% share at appreciated value . Better to take 50% now