I hadn't fully realised the extent to which we all limited ourselves so as not to upset ex-h. He wasn't an angry man. A bit grumpy perhaps. He liked a quiet life and a quiet house. Towards the end, when I still had no idea that our marriage was over, I was increasingly tidying up and getting the house ready so as not to make him grumpy. He wouldn't shout or slam, but his sighs and displeasure brought the whole house down.
I was utterly devastated, shocked and bewildered, six months ago, when he told me that he'd been having an affair, that he didn't much like me or our children (his and my children, to be clear), and he was leaving us.
It's been very hard. He has barely seen the children, and has behaved appallingly with our shared finances.
And last night, I listened to my noisy children shout-singing along to Madness, Cher, and Shakira in the kitchen, playing some silly Roblox game all together, laptops on the dining table, weeping with laughter, sharing snacks, utterly relaxed, loud, chaotic, and very very happy.
I love my loud, happy, silly house.