Uplifting stories after divorce

[Zen81]

I’m looking for some inspirational stories of all those who made it out the other end and managed to transform their lives after the end to their long term marriages.

currently in stealth mode and waiting to drop the news right after my dd has done her 11+ exams this September. I’ve mentally and emotionally checked out since January. A long toxic marriage - covert manipulation disguised as caring and supportive progressive husband. Only with therapy have I been able to see through that persona/mask.

I feel like I’ve been living under a large rock devoid of any light; low self esteem, low confidence and have lost myself completely. Through therapy I am rebuilding myself back up, doing yoga, journaling and small things for myself. I’ve a lot of work to do to rebuild myself from the ground up. Am 47 next week and wonder if it’s too late to change. Looking at a potential career change after the dust settles next year.

Would love to hear from those who managed to transform their lives later in life.

I’m not sure I’ve got an amazing transformation but I did write a structured life plan for the following eight years and I have managed to tick a lot of the things off my list. Im
off anti depressants, I have lost 2.5 stone, expanded my businesses, moved house (a big downsize and not ideal but still the right decision), I’ve done a bit adventurous holiday by myself, I’ve nourished friendships and focussed on my children’s well being. In October last year something clicked and it felt like a new start. I then met someone a month later which has been lovely but am still very much keeping my independence and keeping on track with my life plan.

That sounds wonderful. Well done and thanks for sharing.

I’ve recommended this on here before but it’s worth saying again - The Divorced And Better Podcast is well worth a listen. The name says it all really and listening to this got me through the first few months of my separation.

Another vote for divorce! I am single mum to 3 children and of course it’s hard work but I am ten times happier! I have a lovely (little) house, an amazing dream job that I can focus on without criticism and freedom. I am so grateful for my peaceful life, not having to argue and negotiate every day (except with teenagers 🙄). Kids are completely happy and adjusted too. They see their dad every weekend.

In a very short nutshell, lol… Ditched lying fucker when I realised he was cheating. 25 yr marriage from young. I was blindsided and devastated (but didn’t take any shit when I realised he was cheating and divorced him while he was still dithering). Best thing I ever did. Got myself back (hadn’t realised how much I had given/how much he had taken). I kept the house and lived alone for the first time ever. Bloody awesome. Now have a lovely boyfriend and am sooo much happier.

Watching with interest. I feel so broken a year after we separated. He's moved on and is thriving, new (much younger) girlfriend etc. We live close to each other and it feels like I can't escape him. I feel like I may never recover. We were together 30 years.

I'm so sorry to hear this - are you absolutely tied to the area or could you possibly move? Don't worry about him - worry about you. Concentrate on you. think about what it is you want (write it down imo - play around with it/prioritise/drop stuff). I'm sure it'll get better for you.

I find that a lot of the outcome of post-divorce depends on your outlook and expectations. And it also helps if can support an OK life for yourself and your child.
You sound like divorce is right for you - and it's not about some unrealistic fantasy/desire for feeling butterflies again. So - my advice is prepare and plan practicalities, as much you you can. Think about how you'll organise your life, friends, hobbies, etc. Where you'll be able to afford to live.

Good luck!

Following this post with interest.

My marriage ended horribly: was totally blindsided when I discovered that he was using drugs and had sex with an aquaintance. I loved that man for 20 years and he absolutely broke me.

If I'm honest I don't yet feel happier: I feel traumatised, tired and devastated.
We've been split a long time and the aftermath was horrendous because of his mental health; which then had a knock-on effect on mine.
He's now living his best life and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and my shattered life 😥

I'm currently on holiday alone to mark ten years since I left. In that time I've been promoted, bought my own house, created a beautiful life with me and the children. I've found that I can do things alone and love it- camping, hiking, swimming or just being alone at home with a book. I've traveled a lot, and found that actually every other weekend to be me rather than 'mummy' is rather wonderful.

I've also been on dates, fallen in love, been desired and had some amazing sex.

It was so hard at the time, and still is sometimes, but i'd do it all again if I had to knowing how peaceful and lovely life can be!

guy I used to work with had an affair with a woman who was well known for splitting marriages up then dumping the guy after

anyway the inevitable happened
his wife kicked him out he moved into shitty flat with OW it lasted all of a few months
he’s had to start again at early 50’s
in the mean time the ex wife has blossomed remarried a guy who is literally a millionaire a life she could of only dreamed of
the strangest ending every him and ex wife and ex wife’s new husband all get in like a house in fire

@LeaveMeBeeit sounds like we feel much the same. So sorry.

I've just started divorce proceedings (in the cooling off period) and I couldn't be happier. We were together over 30 years, no kids. We sold our home 1.5yrs ago, and in that time i have moved into a little rental house with the dogs. It's great having my own space and doing things when I want to do them.

I now have a new great partner who absolutely adores me and my flabby bits. My confidence has shot up over the last year. I am closer with my parents as my X tried to stop me seeing them, so I used to see them twice a year - now I pop over there often which is wonderful. I have been on 4 foreign holidays in the last 2yrs, whereas before that I hadn't been away in 20yrs!!

I have stayed friends with my X so I feel I have the best of both worlds. I am free with a new partner, but no animosity with my soon to be ex husband.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I am 52 and it is daunting to start again, but I did it and I love my life now.

I think there’s a massive difference between being the leaver and the one who is left.

As the leaver you’ve done most of the sadness and anger already, have thought about what life is going to look like for you as a single person, and leaving is a big step forwards. You may have been building up to it for years. I was the leaver and this was certainly how it was for me.

If you are the one who is left, especially if you didn’t see it coming, it must be devastating and it will be far harder to move on to a happy future.

Parted company 2010 at 44yrs old, divorced - 2015 had a fantastic social life with friends and internet dating for 5yrs. Met now hubby in 2015, married 2021 still enjoying life.

🎤”What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” 🎶 is the wording I lived by.

Learning to love my self was the best thing I did.

This is so inspiring to hear!

I did a PhD in my 40s, worked for a while as an academic, then started a new career at 50. Built up a solid pension pot and retired two years early with a full state pension plus decent occupational pension. Ex husband’s new life proved ruinously expensive, and while I’m enjoying every minute of my retirement, he’s still working full time at 76.

Yes, this. Technically I ended things because I could see we were broken beyond repair but it was because he spent the last five years pulling away from me. He left me years ago but didn’t have the courage to tell me.

Thank you all for sharing. Wishing you all the best.