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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Advice re emotional abuse

5 replies

Georgia36 · 15/06/2026 22:41

After years of being gas lit, stone walled, shown little affection... things came to a head in December with stbxh. He ignored me for a month from mid December to mid January. So I asked for him to meet with me to discuss a way forward. I was then pushed into a corner of saying we should divorce... after this meeting he has continued to give me the silent treatment. I have tried to speak to him a few times to try and see if we can salvage things, and ask 'is this definitely it'. Each time he either just ignores me if tried to communicate by text, or he lays into me if I try to talk to him. After 5 months of this I text him and said I couldn't take it anymore, i told him I didn't want divorce, i said I know I'm not perfect but I've only ever wanted to make our relationship work etc, but that I'm not prepared to take the silent treatment anymore. I gave him a date to reply, which he did not. After much deliberation and severe anxiety I took the decision to file for divorce. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have 3 young kids. Every day its silent treatment, if I try to talk to him or ask him something like 'here are the kids coats can you get them to take them to school as it may rain', he walks away whilst I'm trying to talk and often smirks at me and puts his tongue in his cheek. He is telling me and friends and family that I am the one who is abusive to him... he told me tonight he is not leaving the house until the divorce and finances are finalised! That could take another year. Its emotionally breaking me. There is no legs for an occupation order... and I can't move out as won't be able to afford to rent and still pay towards the mortgage. I have no family to move in with temporarily with the kids. But the thought of this hell for even another 6 months is killing me. Plus I am worried about the kids and how this is affecting them and the damage it is doing by them witnessing their dad treat me like this. What do I do? Any advice welcome even if it's just words of encouragement to just sit tight. Or any practical ways to make this more bearable? I'm also heart broken and only just holding it together... Still being mum and still going to work... worst year of my life... is this just normal when a marriage is breaking down? Thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/06/2026 22:53

Have you spoken to Women’s Aid and rights of women?

Emotional abuse is still abuse and WA may be able to offer a refuge place.

Georgia36 · 15/06/2026 22:59

Yes I have spoken to them and they were supportive but said all they can offer is a refuge... but didn't feel the situation at home for me warranted me moving out to a refuge with the kids. After that they said they couldn't help me any further if I didn't want a refuge.

OP posts:
BeCleverViewer · 15/06/2026 23:58

Why is he saying your abusive?

BrendaSmall · Yesterday 00:02

Georgia36 · 15/06/2026 22:59

Yes I have spoken to them and they were supportive but said all they can offer is a refuge... but didn't feel the situation at home for me warranted me moving out to a refuge with the kids. After that they said they couldn't help me any further if I didn't want a refuge.

Unfortunately you’re going to have to put your children first and think about how this is going to affect them!
Regardless of where you end up you need to get away from your partner, so if it means going into a refuge then so be it

RandomMess · Yesterday 00:07

He is going to do everything he can to destroy which may include dragging out the divorce for years. I would go to the refuge.

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