I told my husband I wasn't in love with him a year ago, I didn't think we'd separate and just thought things would get better but 6 months later I had to move out and 6 months on from that I've just started divorce proceedings.
I've been seeing a therapist for almost a year and she has said his behaviour is abusive and has put me in touch with a charity.
I can see his behaviours are wrong but I don't know if I'm just brainwashed or naive because I feel responsible for his actions and can't reconcile it as abuse.
When he's horrible, he's horrible. But then I feel sorry for him in his moments of vulnerability in between. I don't want to get back with him, and I think my children are dealing with things well, but I can't help feeling dragged back to him or like im his saviour. I worry for him but I want to start putting myself first.
For context, he has never physically harmed me but has threatened to, he's been very verbal in front of our children, he's told my children mummy doesn't love them either and didn't want them, insulted my appearance and my body. I shared a photo of myself in a chat room last year, no face and I was completely covered but it was suggestive and he found the photo on my camera roll when he managed to get into my phone to check my messages/emails etc.
I apologised profusely and deeply regret it, I felt very low at the time and was just looking for validation. This obviously made things worse and he's said multiple times in front of the children that I'm a cheat and they'll have lots of new days because mummy can't keep her legs shut.
When I say things like that, I know its awful but I can't help feeling its just because he's heartbroken and its not abusive.