Mixed Message!

[BeCosyMauveCrab]

My husband moved out 3 weeks ago. He has been dealing with ptsd and depression. He said he doesn’t know if he loves me or if he can move back in. I tried really hard, but he wouldn't go for counselling, wouldn’t try to work on our marriage. I would try to connect and he would pull away each time. It reached the stage where didn’t want to even text him or reach for his hand because the rejection hurt.

Now that he has moved out he texts every morning, calls each evening. He comes over for dinner 2 nights a week to see the kids and spends a Saturday with us. Last week he asked if I wanted to go for coffee. But when I ask where he is at he just says he will always be there for us but has no plan to move back in. He doesn’t know if he will ever have any feelings for me again. Is he acting out of guilt, I don’t want to read it as connection if it isn’t.

After all the rejection part of me doesn’t want him back. He broke my heart, but then this sweet version of him has shown up. If he had shown up 18 months ago we would be fine.

What is the deal?! I have had depression, I know how low it gets. But it reached the point where the school were phoning to say the kids didn’t want dad to live with us because he was so moody so he needed to move out to at least become a better dad. My deepest wish is for him to be happy and to be able to come back home.

He wants your comfort, he wants his cake and to eat it.

I’ve been on the receiving end of this also and it will do you no favours or for your self esteem.

you need to think about your feelings and the kids, you can’t move forward when he’s always around and wanting to be your ‘mate’.

Honestly pull away and pull back put boundaries in place, I know it’s hard. He’s throwing you crumbs.

if he’s calling to speak to the kids put them on the phone to him or if they’re old enough tell him to phone them.

unfortunately you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves x

PLEASE listen to your kids. They are so unhappy that they told adults at school that they don’t want their dad living with them; surely that’s marriage ending?

Keep him moved out, that’s best for all of you. Stop him popping by for meals (that presumably you cook and pay for 🙄), if he wants to see the kids at the weekend, he can take them out to an activity or something they’ll enjoy.

He has chosen his path (I.e. not to live together) and from the sounds of it, you’ll all be happier without him around. Start planning your future without him in it, you’ll be surprised at how nicer life will feel without that millstone round your neck.

He wants the best of both worlds - his home and family waiting for him and to have his freedom also.

Listen to your kids - they don't want him living in their home. It's time to put some boundaries in place and move on with your life. No more 'family time' where he gets to come round and play happy families before skipping off to his single life again. This is unfair on all of you and confusing for the children.

You need to sit down with him and agree proper visitation where he takes the children out and you get a break. You also need to get some legal advice and make the separation official. Don't wait around to see if he changes his mind and decides he loves you after all. He's burned his bridges. You need to move on with your life.