Handheld needed please

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Hi all I just need a handhold really,
I have a post on the relationship board as my h has took me through hell emotionally since last year. Short version he had an emotional affair we tried to reconcile and he still kept in touch with ow and has treated me appallingly. Hes also took it out on my child getting snappy and shitty with them who are struggling with their mental health, causing arguments and theres been loads of script related stuff. Classic. Think its all guilty behaviour.

Things came to a head 3 weeks ago and i had to be strong. we have agreed to seperate, hes taken full accountability. he left weds to stay with his brother, until hes sorted. We still love each other and its breaking me.

I know the ow is still sniffing around him, and im preparing myself for more coming out or him getting shitty with me and start dating her. Shes a horrible woman classic homewrecker type. She will be loving it knowing she now has her chance with him. It really hurts and I know i need to focus on me. Im up and down, crying one minute the next angry

Im so worried about finances im now a full time single carer to my disabled child (not his) ive had to sort everything out its been so draining and im so worried. In the mean time hes texting me saying how much he loves me and sorry etc. Its the worst thing ive ever been through in my life 💔

I'm so sorry OP but if he's treated you appallingly and is still carrying on with this woman, he doesn't love you. That isn't love, no matter what he says. Actions speak louder than words and his actions are very clearly showing he doesn't love you.

I would block him from sending you messages and concentrate on sorting out the practicalities of preparing for a life without him. How are you going to manage financially? Do you need to apply for Universal Credit? Maybe you could make an appointment with Citizen's Advice to see what you're entitled to.

Thank you its all just awful. Never thought id be in this position. Ive adjusted the UC claim to single carer etc and my circumstances. He works and has a good income we didn't get much as joint

Can anyone else offer some encouragement or hugs, just feeling so low right now, i never wanted this💔😪

The only encouragement I can offer is that you can and you will manage to cope without him.

Go to CAB and make sure you are getting all the financial help you are entitled to, including single person council tax.

Go to your GP and request some counselling. You seem to be under the illusion this man loves and cares for you and you are mistakenly blaming a third person for his actions. That is not normal, nor is it healthy. Let the manipulative, cheating, selfish, unkind man go.

Hugs? Sure <hugs > you've got this

Thank you, I know, and its all on him not the ow x

Just here to handhold. My husband and I separated 3 years ago, I was an absolute wreck. I look back now and know I had a breakdown. I’m normally such a levelheaded and balanced person but it threw me into turmoil, I was completely unprepared for not only him leaving, but my own reaction.

I wish you the absolute best and hope you get through this. I want to say his actions are not a reflection of your worth, those are entirely his own.

Also, the best thing I did was to go no contact with him. Speaking to him made me so happy but the after effects were hideous.

Thank you, so sorry you have been through this too,It just feels better being able to offload in here, its the worst thing ive ever been through. I feel im at breakdown point right now. Im going to ring the docs on Monday x 🫂

Handhold here. XH and I separated (now divorced) 4 years ago under similar circumstances. He had an affair, it came to light, we “tried again” but he was still seeing her in secret. We eventually called it quits and he moved out and she moved in with him 2 weeks later.

It broke me. My entire world was in shreds, and the impact on our DD was heartbreaking. I know how overwhelming it is to deal with heartbreak, betrayal, grieving for the life you lost, adjusting to single parenting and feeling lost and alone.

It is difficult to see it at the time, but I now look back and know it was one of the best things to happen to me. Our relationship had run its course, and whilst the execution was horrific, the outcome was the right one.

I have a lovely DP who I am so much more compatible with. He brings all the things to my life that I never realised I was missing with XH. XH and I have moved past the pain and co-parent really well. I even get on well with the OW who is now his fiance.

Life is not over, it’s just different. Sometimes a door has to close for a new one to open. Your husband does not love you despite what he says, and you don’t want a partner in your life who doesn’t really love you

Give yourself the grace of time, you don’t have to have everything sorted. Lean on your loved ones. Talk about your feelings. Take each day at a time and you will come out the other side a stronger person

Thank you, Sending you love and hugs im glad you are happy now xx

Sending you all the love. My husband moved out 2 weeks ago. I love him and miss him, but he has been treating me in a way I can’t accept. I have tried for 18 months to get him into therapy. I’ve asked for marriage counselling and he said no. A date and he said no. I’ve tried time and again to connect and he’s been distant. In the end he said he needed space. It’s so easy to look back to when things were good and feel devastated. You can do this. One day at a time and then that’s too much just the next hour. You will survive this and come out stronger.

Thank you Sending huge hugs and love, am sorry your going through this too hope your ok xxx