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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Living together through seperation but he hates me. How to get through it?

8 replies

Onedaysoon9273 · 01/06/2026 06:37

So after 20 years , and the past 5 years being thoroughly unhappy I finally took the plunge and told him I want to separate.
Since then it has been bloody awful . He hasn't taken it well. And has gone through a range of moods and emotions as to be expected. Crying, begging, anger, pleading, hating me and now just silence. We are 8 weeks into it at the moment but need to continue to live together until finances and divorce finalised so at least 7 months.
It is very , very hard . Mental health already played a part prior, I almost had a breakdown and have heart issues because I was so unhappy and stressed 24/7. A weight lifted when I told him but now I just feel the same again as every day I am living in a high state if anxiety and stress
Its so uncomfortable. We dont speak to each other unless completely necessary. We need to share some spaces and when we do we sit in silence. Its bloody awful.
Luckily we have seperate bedrooms so I grt a break at night but when I wake each morning i get an instant feeling of dread and doom and dont want to get up. Neither of us are working at the moment (off sick) so we are in the house 24/7. He never goes out. I find myself trying to go out at every opportunity to have some breathing space but I cant be out permanently.
Any tips or advice from people who are also needing to live together? Will it get better over time? If this carries on throughout my health is going to be irreparable damaged. Im already on BP tablets, beta blockers and anti depressants because of it. This split was supposed to be helping our situation and now I feel worse

OP posts:
Mullaghanish · 01/06/2026 07:16

Take a break from it? Can you go stay with family? Is there an end date in sight? Also when you are in the house, tune out from it.. stick in a podcast on headphones.. go in your garden.. get a tv or iPad in your room and watch tv there.. get up an hour earlier than him, sleep an hour earlier..

TheLurpackYears · 01/06/2026 07:24

I’ve got my fingers crossed for you that he finds a girlfriend with her own home ASAP. It will get him up and out and you will have some peace.
i have every sympathy OP, it took a year for my exh to move out. He was also quite ill, but magically well enough to start a vibrant sex life and move in with his gf.

TreesOfGreen99 · 01/06/2026 07:26

You say you’re currently off work for health reasons. Given how anxious you’re feeling being at home, would a phased part time return to work be helpful or possible? It would take you out of the house, and give you dome thing different to focus on.

BeCosyMauveCrab · 01/06/2026 07:29

Somatic work - breathing, meditate etc. it sounds wild but 80% of our anxiety is in our bodies. If you can calm your body it will really help your mind. I’m saying this as a mental health coach. Is it possible for you to plan the occasional night away? And make your space a sanctuary, be it fairy lights, beautiful bedding etc. get a room spray that is calming. Making a small haven for yourself will signal to your nervous system that it’s safe.

GreatThingsAwait · 01/06/2026 07:34

I’d be desperate to return to work if I were you. Is there any way you could try?
Have you noons you could stay with for a bit?

warmsmell · 01/06/2026 07:34

I'd be moving out immediately. No way would I live in those conditions.

Agree with a pp who said that your bad health is being made worse by this so going back into work may be the lesser of two evils.

somanychristmaslights · 01/06/2026 07:38

I would also try and get back to work. You can’t live like this. And also agree with others, can you go and stay somewhere else for a while? Even a week would be a break.

Onedaysoon9273 · 01/06/2026 08:37

Yes i think i will go back to work.
Unfortunately I cant move out as house belongs to me and my family. Obviously husband entitled to his share which he will get but have to go through the process which takes months. Id have been gone day one if I could

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