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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Want to divorce but scared re finances

9 replies

hopefulcandidate · 31/05/2026 23:25

Hi, I’ve been married 17 years and the main thing preventing me from divorcing is fear of being financially destitute. I am wondering if anyone has been in a postition where they have been given substantially less than half?
for context, my husband is a high earner. He earns £15k a month plus last year, for example he earned over £200k in bonuses. He also has a decent pension though I’ve no idea what’s in it. He obviously pays the high level of tax and as he is classed as self employed he does a tax return so the figured quoted are before tax had been deducted. We also have approx £850k in savings. We are also mortgage free on a property that we bought for £500k but I’m not sure of value now. So looks great on paper.
However, this is the bit I’m panicking about: I have always earned basically minimum wage and been propped up financially by him. He pays everything. Currently I am working part time on just above minimum wage, earning£12k a year. There are no children. But I do have a disability which means it is really difficult for me to have any job whatsoever, and when I have worked full time hours in the past it has led to difficulties regarding my disability and my mental health being absolutely destroyed in the process.
my fear is that a court would decide to award me much less than half due to basically everything being ‘his’ money. I have worked so hard to make this marriage work but in terms of finances I have basically contributed nothing. That they wouldn’t feel it was fair to give away half of his hard earned money? However, I would need to have enough to buy a small flat outright and to be able to be suecure in old age because I wouldn’t be able to afford any pension contributions at all. It would be a scrap to pay bills on my wage alone I think, from what I’ve estimated, and anything such as dental treatment would require dipping into savings. There would certainly be no fancy holidays, gym membership or unnecessary niceties which I am completely fine with. Believe me if I was able to work full time I would do so. I am very afraid of having no pension contributions, but with assets divided then savings would alleviate that problem.
am I likely to get half of everything, or will my work situation be counted against me and I would get less. The only way I can proceed with divorce is to be confident I would be financially ok as my future earning potential and lack of pension is a stress.
PS I know some people will see my post as tone deaf and it’s really not meant to be. With a close to even split I would have no financial concerns, but my fear is that I would only be offered say a token gesture eg 25% to protect my husband’s hard earned assets.
please be gentle with me I really am very scared, as I don’t really understand the divorce process. I am also completely heartbroken. I love my husband but I have recently found he has been lying and cheating on me for several years.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 31/05/2026 23:36

You have a long marriage so the starting point is sharing the assets 50:50. They courts also look at the needs of each party.

You would need enough to buy a suitable property outright, it sounds like you could be eligible for some spousal support and pension sharing.

You need to get some recommendations of solicitors that get good outcomes in circumstances such as yours - long marriage, disability and financially dependent.

💐

hopefulcandidate · 31/05/2026 23:45

Thank you for your reply. That is basically what Google said but I think my shame/ insecurities about basically being financially provided for during the whole marriage makes me fear judgement from the legal profession too. I’m actually embarrassed to go to a solicitor and explain that I have lived for free this whole time off my husband’s earnings, but I know I need to bite the bullet. I have found a couple of solicitors that look decent.

OP posts:
Theyneverknow · 01/06/2026 07:19

Thank goodness you married. So many women don’t get married and would be in a terrible situation.

As above the starting point will be 50/50. The fact you can’t work much will be factored in and you likely will be awarded more.

Best you speak with a solicitor (in secret perhaps? I did it years before I split with my ex to gather information on what I would be entitled to) and they might make you feel a whole world better.

MelanzaneParmigiana · 01/06/2026 07:30

For a long marriage it would be 50/50 /no kids so much simpler. Division of everything including pensions.
If he fights your solicitors reasonable offer of 50/50 it can cost £££ in legal fees (mine did and it cost us each £100k plus and and would have been double that if he’d taken it to final hearing.
He may argue that some of the assets were acquired by him BEFORE the marriage (mine did) and that will be taken into account as long as there is enough in the marital pot for you needs.
Spousal support very rare as judges prefer clean break and you have enough assets to adequately house you. (You don’t have the right to continue the same lifestyle as you had before.)
For the savings, it would be sensible to move your half into an account in your own name so that you do have liquid cash to pay lawyers.

millymollymoomoo · 01/06/2026 07:36

With those kinds of assets and savings you will be far from destitute!

warmsmell · 01/06/2026 07:41

With 50% of those assets you'll be fine. Try not to worry.

ExasperatedIs · 01/06/2026 22:25

If he’s been lying and cheating for years screw him for every penny you can get!

FloydPink · 04/06/2026 17:58

In theory you would get 50/50 as a baseline. Even if your house is only worth 600k, that and your savings would mean about 725k coming to you (maybe more if work circumstances is taken into account).

With that (no idea where you are) you should be able to buy a flat or small house for say 250k. even with getting it fitted out, car etc... you should have over 400k left over. That should easily be 12-16k in interest a year plus min wage work.

hopefulcandidate · 06/06/2026 21:01

Hi, sorry I haven’t been back to this thread. I have been away for a few days. The initial panic has subsided and I can see now that I was likely worrying about nothing. I have a crazy busy couple of weeks and then my plan is to speak to a solicitor later this month. Thank you for everyone for your support and information. I expected a few angry replies but everyone has been lovely.

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