How are assets divided when leaving a difficult marriage with a child? Woman primary carer and earner.

[LLouSE]

I’m feeling very lost about what to do. I’ve been married for 4 years, together with my partner for 8 years. We have a 4 year old daughter. He has made my life hell for a long time, always in a bad mood and constantly disrespectful towards me. More so in front of my daughter- he always shouts at me in front of her. Over the years he has isolated me from my friendship group, constantly encouraging me to not speak to my friends over small quarrels and I’m now in the position where I have no friends at all. I also don’t have any family as I’ve been estranged for some time. I realise now this is cohesive behaviour and part of his plan to isolate me.

Ive worked very hard over the years and have a high salary, over double what he earns. But I have to pay the majority of everything- I pay all school fees, all holidays, all expenses above and beyond monthly outgoings such as our daughters clothes and any furniture for our house. Essentially I am a slave that works over 60hours, does everything care related for our child. I am not allowed to leave the house without permission and even when I do for small trips to the supermarket I’m rang in a frenzy to come home as our daughter has done something.

We bought our house 2 years ago, he sold his flat to put half of the deposit into the house. He constantly likes to tell me that we are tight for money as it was my decision to buy our house despite him freely viewing multiple properties and agreeing to buy the house. At the time he did not have mortgage capacity so the house and mortgage is in my name. I carry all the risk and when he doesn’t have enough money for building insurance etc. I have to foot the bill.

we are now at the point where I can’t go on but I also do not think it’s fair I need to give him half of everything since I’ve carried our family expenses and am the primary carer. I’ve had a secret account for some time hiding money in hopes I can finally escape. It’s been well over a year since its connection to my main account. Will I get away with not declaring it during the financial order? If I do I will need to pull my daughter out of private school as I won’t be able to afford it on top of everything else.

I realise I’m in a privileged position but I have come from noting and worked extremely hard. He comes from a very wealthy family and has a lot of financial support.

She has a junior ISA. I haven’t thought about a trust account but would this not be accessible by him?

You need legal advice
those saying he’s entitled to 50% are simply wrong
what he is entitled to is a fair share of all assets including house, pensions, savings etc. all these need to be declared inc and secret ones unless you want to commit fraud.how assets are divided will depend on a number of factors which you can educate yourself on- ages/earning capacity/assets available/needs/length of marriage etc etc . There could be deviations away from 50:50 - but if you’re financially stronger you might find he has a claim to higher than 50% although this will be mitigated by short marriage. His housing need will be determined equal to yours so he can house his child too and if his mortgage capacity is lower than yours he may be awarded higher share of capital

see a solicitor

We did for about a year but not in the UK

Every single day you stay with him means he is entitled to more of your money. The best day for you to have left him was “already” but the next best is “tomorrow”.

Talk to a solicitor. It might - just! - still count as a short marriage. But you need to do it quick. You will lose some money. But that money is gone. But each day you stay he gets more.

Talk to a lawyer. Trusts are complicated on a number of levels.
Divorce specific complication is that if you set up a trust anticipating divorce (and then move to divorce in a year or a few years) - it will be added back to marital pot. If you had it set up years ago - you could have added to it, but as it stands currently, it will not look defensible.

You need to strategize with a professional.

So things start from the 50/50 assumption but then get split according to need. And the child always comes first. So if your child is living with you then you can get more than 50/50 to make sure they have what they need. That said any money earned during the marriage will have to start off in the central pot so you won’t be able to get away with a secret account. As it’s a short marriage it’s definitely worth getting a good solicitor to see what might be agreed and go in your favour though.

This is a longer clearer way of what I was saying upthread.

Time isnt on your side OP.
Just start getting out now and work it out as you go.
Ultimately staying is going to cost you even more.

I think you need to get legal advice. This is a short marriage. But full disclosure is required. No secret accounts. You can’t pay off your STBEX with marital assets.

I don’t think that the argument of being the primary carer will help you unless proving that your STBEX is not primary carer as you work long hours and pay for childcare support. Given that your STBEX is not the primary child career I think the issue is reaching a financial settlement that means stability for your child in terms of school and childcare support to enable you to continue working. This may mean selling the family home.

every time you make a mortgage payment he is entitled to more of the equity in the house

Market value minus mortgage amount /2 = the split

example (say 250k is market value) (130k is the mortgage left to pay)
250k - 130 = 120 /2 = 60k each

if you pay off more mortgage in the meantime (250k is the market value)(127k is now the mortgage left to pay)
250k - 127 =123k /2 = 61.50k each so you now owe him more

If the house value goes up as well (price increase to market value 255k)(let’s say 127 is still mortgage left to pay)
255k - 127 =128 K /2 = 64k so again now you owe him more

get legal advice asap and be strategic as others have said use the savings to pay for “family” things like school fees or holidays so he can’t claim any of it.

@Iloveitalianfoodyum i get your point but most of the mortgage repayments will be interest usually at least in first half of mortgage term so only a small % of monthly payments are reducing capital balance.

principle that the longer they’re married the stronger position he’s in could be a sound one

To answer your question 'How are assets divided when leaving a difficult marriage with a child?' they are divided exactly the same as if you were leaving an easy marriage.

There is no differentiation for your circumstances. See a solicitor so that you understand the process. Knowledge is power so that has to be the first step. You are in a good position because you have access to funds and can pay for your legal advice.

Make the phone call tomorrow and set up an appointment.