How to be ready to separate

[Madmax29]

Where do you start? I want to leave my wife, ive not neen happy for along time, we've had various conversations about our marriage and relationship, it then gets better for couple of weeks then drops back to the same old.

So how do you start the leaving? Is there anything I should get in place first before having the conversation?

As you have obviously been talking about the why, you need to now move to the when and how

Fo you have kids? If so, how do you plan to split parenting?

What do you plan for living arrangements - cohabiting or sell house, one of you buy other out?

Do you have pensions, savings, other investments to consider?

Can you agree financial split between you, or need solicitors?

Hopefully you both have family and friends to support - it’s not an easy time

Can you both afford to live on your own?

Are you sure this is what you want?

You provided no context - children, the house? Maybe neither but you need to make that clear when asking people for what would otherwise be random advice.

Thanks for replying,

So 1 child who is 16,

Very little in my pension pot, im not sure about her pension pot, I would assume very little also.

The house is solely in my name and ive run the house from day 1 as I had it before we met, I know this doesn't really stand for anything. I would like to think we can co parent, but with child being 16, i think it will be left to them where they want to stay for now, and then visit the other parent. We are both very busy with work schedules, but I'm sure we can make it work.

As for the house, this is where I'm unsure what we do, as i say i had it before. We can both afford to run a house i should think. I know I can.

It's not what I want as I still love my wife, but there are parts of the marriage that are missing and its just not really working anymore.

Does she have any idea you are now at this stage? What are the issues and is there any chance for mediation or counselling?

Would you have to sell the house to buy 2 smaller ones or could you buy her out?

Settlement will depend on length of marriage. Get together details of all money, savings, pensions, house value etc and get some legal advice on a fair split

How would you split childcare if you both have busy work life? Unless 50/50 there would be maintenance to pay until age 19

Is your child mid GCSES or college/apprenticeship? Could be a tough time for a separation, do they have any idea?

Lots for you to think about

Op have you read John Gottmans work?

Try seven principles of making marriage work. Then 8 dates. Read it apart and then again together. Best relationship books out there. Also fight right by Gottman.

Gottman counsellors are available if you can afford it.

You don’t hash out your issues, you understand that most arguements will never be fixed. You look at how to make bids and repair. At why you got together in the first place.

Read all his stuff - it’s excellent.

Good luck!

What parts are missing and can they be resolved ? Does she know it’s at this stage ? Will she feel the same?

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