STBHX shagging random women, yuk, while we still share the same house

[Fulbe]

Apologies for long post. Please skip to final paragraph if you don't want to read the lot!

I gave STBXH his 'notice' a couple of weeks ago. No particular fault, just the spark had gone out of our relationship. Amongst other things, he always wanted sex, got frustrated that I didn't and acted out, which of course didn't help with my sex drive. We last had sex a couple of months ago. Hoping to keep it amicable.

He wants 50- 50 custody which I'm fine with. 2 children under 7.

With the divorce arrangements, I think I could buy him out of the house but don't think he could afford to do the same. However he doesn't want to move out, says he couldn't cope emotionally with feeling pushed out (he has mental health issues). I don't think I have grounds because there's been no affair. I was considering moving out myself or birdnesting although both of these would be a big compromise on my part.

So far we've been swapping over at bedtimes whilst the other one 'goes out'. Usually for me that means going downstairs into our spare bedroom. He does go out until 11 or midnight. He used to go out to the pub, but recently he has been evasive about how his night was.

My issue is that he's said that he wants to go on apps and start 'having fun'. He thinks it's ok because he's assured he isn't getting into a relationship. I'm finding this really upsetting that he's hopping straight into bed with random people then coming home after his dirty night out.
Am I reasonable to want him to move out on this basis? Or could I ask him to at least postpone it until a dignified time after the relationship has ended (like 6 months?)

He didn’t “give notice”, OP did.

And she can’t change the locks on a jointly owned house.

OP - He sounds like a horrible sex pest, having strops when you wouldn’t sleep with him. But you can’t stop him sleeping with other people, nor can you realistically force him to move out.

No unfortunately he’s allowed to do what he wants on that front as you’re no longer together. However equally your responsibility towards his mental health has also ended and you should aim to buy him out of the house.

Dont compromise… because he won’t.

Look at it another way. The more he shags, the more likely he’ll get into a relationship, the more likely he’ll want his own place, so the more likely he’ll move out.

If you're separated, what he does when he's out of the house is none of your business.

In fact, if this is going ro be a long term arrangement, you'll provably have to accept he'll bring people back, although who'd want to be that woman?

If he's not shagging them in the joint house, and you're separated, you have no say. Buy him out if it bothers you. It was never going to work longterm anyway, living in the same house.

Thank you everyone, food for thought and thank you for those who gave advice, very much appreciated.

For context, I ended it but only after 6 years of him being frustrated that we weren't having sex every day, slamming doors, being grumpy etc. He said he still had hope that things could change (which meant he wanted me to change).

Are you really going to have 50/50 with this man with children under 7?!

If it was me I’d be packing his bags changing the locks and giving him every other weekend so he’s got plenty of time to shag around away from the kids!!!

I cant imagine how a loser like this is going to manage looking after children 50% of the time. Get him out asap. Id have no mercy.

@10namechangeslater well legally that’s not yours to decide

You really can’t stop a single man from having sex just because you share a house with him.

You either need to come to an agreement about which of you keeps the house, or you need to accept that he’s entitled to sleep with whoever he wants now that you’ve split up.

Reasonable to say he can’t bring anyone back to the house, of course. Not reasonable to say he can’t do whatever he likes when he goes out.

Sounds like a difficult situation and I don’t think anyone’s blaming you for dumping him.

It doesn’t really have any bearing on what he does now you’re separated, though.

He jointly owns the property. Can he pack OP's bags and change the locks and give her every other weekend?

Best of luck with that wrong in so many levels

If he can't afford to buy you out then he has to move out. You couldn't cope emotionally with living with a sex pest so he's brought it on himself, no sympathy for his 'mental health issues' here.

No, he doesn’t need to move out. It’s his house, too.

This is the most impractical advice.
His stuff may be a removal van's amount or more. Imagine having that piled up outside the front of your house.

Kick him out? It’s as much his house as hers!

And he is doing what he wants away from her and the kids. He’s doing nothing wrong

Ffs

its his house too so he can’t be “thrown out”, and she can’t “give him” every other weekend.

'Dirty bugger' 'dirty business' huh?? He's been dumped by OP, why shouldn't he try to meet women if he wants to? She can't just kick him out either, they jointly own the house.

You’ve not done this sort of thing before huh? You don’t literally put every single thing of his outside. You pack him a couple of cases of clothes/shoes and things that might be important to him (electronics, toiletries). The rest of it he can pick up by arrangement once he stops sofa surfing.

They jointly own the house. Neither of them can do what you are suggesting.

And what gives her the right to do this when it’s as much his house as hers?

Not really - you are both now single and free to do what you want.

He could be awkward and try to delay things, this is when you need a solicitor to get things going.

You need to have rules as both of you still live in the same home. He must also agree that you can go out while he is looking after the children, but in any case none of you should be allowed to bring someone else in your home. However, in the long term, this situation is unhealthy, so one of you must go.