Life after divorce

[blueberries1234]

Feeling really down at the moment. Going through divorce, ex left us a year ago, days later was with someone else from work. Even after a year, I’m still struggling to be nice to him. We are never face to face thank goodness. He pulls up outside to pick kids up and goes. I’m still sending horrible texts, I just find it all so hard still. He destroyed our family and I hate him for that.

I don’t love him or miss him but the betrayal will always hurt.

I’ve had dates, was with someone for a few months but that ended recently. We had great times together and that showed me that I can and will love again one day.

At the moment, everything just feels a bit rubbish.
I started counselling last week, which I’m hoping will really help.

You don’t have to be ‘nice’ to him (whatever that means…) - but why are you sending horrible texts?

Hopefully counselling will help, but ultimately you need to find something to give life meaning. Something that doesn’t involve people who can potentially hurt you. Something that will always be there and sustain you when you get hurt.

You’re doing much better than me. I’ve been on no dates and I am civil to him (we have a daughter together) but not friendly. No infidelity, he was just nasty to me over a lot of years and I gave up trying to accommodate his moods and spitefulness. I haven’t spoken to him in months.

Find a diversion to fill your time. I’ve got a tiny balcony and am growing a few things in pots which is giving me a sense of achievement. I’m also trying to read more books because he got huffy when I was absorbed in a story and wasn’t paying attention to him. I’m also saving up to try and visit countries he thought were crap but I think are good. Just find a thing to give your brain a break.

I was with someone for 6yrs living with them he finished with me blamed everything on me it was awful !
next thing he with someone else what I found out was he was seeing her while with me he been on a dating site behind my back ! It’s just so hurtful like you said the betrayal ! I trusted him as well !
It is hard but I kind of had to be the bigger person in the end as he just started acting childish I was the one getting the txts he left me but blamed me for the break up ! It’s nearly 2yrs now things do get better I sometimes see him I say hi and smile I know and see things are not as rosy in the garden as what he thought it was going to be with this women but he cannot lose face now in front of his family and friend's but that’s his cross to bare now ! That’s why I smile !
I’ve just found things to keep me busy like coffee meet ups joining in with things locally doing things I want to do that he didn’t like places on holiday which I did on my own last year I feel free now too not as tied down to I don’t have to explain myself can do what I what which I’m loving now ! I’ve not dated as to be honest I’m just not interested I’d rather be on my own now I am in my mid 50s so I feel I'm done with men !

You're living in that limbo time right now - still in the divorce shit and unable to see how the next stage of your life looks. It's hard. I would try to stop sending horrible messages as they will not mean anything to him. Does he even respond to them ? I would suggest looking into a mindfulness course one ideally that you meet with other people. These really helped me. It's a hard road but you will get there.