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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

When is the best time to tell children about separation?

2 replies

Trailmix3 · 11/05/2026 09:10

As we move closer to the conditional order, plans are starting to be finalised and the draft financial order is ready etc. I’m buying my husband out of the house (hopefully).

for now life carries on as normal. We are living together and in same bed. Doing stuff with kids together.

we are both so anxious about telling the kids.

one is currently in yr 4 and being assessed for autism.

one is in year 6 and transitioning to secondary school in summer. It’s a time of endings and change anyway. The end of primary. There have been a few tears along the way.

basically I found out dh had been texting and meeting another woman. No affair as such but they had both been inappropriately close for “work colleagues” (daily texting, secret lunches, lots of heart emojis) He also hid a significant debt from me. He also refused to get a better job (instead focusing on a job that he loves but really doesn’t bring in reliable income). He’s obsessed with a hobby too and has neglected family time/diy/housework etc in pursuit of this hobby. We are still in our first honeymoon as he said he never wanted to waste money moving and he would rather live and “enjoy life”.

im not innocent either. He says im overly critical. I am as I’ve become resentful of the lies etc over the years.

there is no love from either of us. I suggested therapy before I found out about the other woman. But he said no as “they will just blame the man”

when I found the texts I knew it was over.

back to my question. The kids. How the hell do we tell them? I’m paranoid that they will hate us and it will upset them at such a key point in life.

I was going to tell them soon but actually I’m not sure that is best. He won’t be moving out til August at a guess. He has no money. He needs me to buy him out before moving out.

I’ve posted here before and read mixed things about telling them right away vs a few weeks before the change.

OP posts:
mumofb2 · 11/05/2026 17:17

You’ve got time to start dropping little seeds. Just little comments here and there “oh look Louise is staying at her dads this weekend” start pointing out other family make ups.

children are resilient. The fact you can still do this with your husband ( ex husband ) is a positive.

I will be in the same boat as you in a few months time!!!

the other positive is that you are keeping the house. So that won’t be a change. The only change is that dad will be getting a new house.

you can do this!

CleverOpalBalonz · 11/05/2026 21:16

My youngest was 11 when we told them. We told them early on, I would say if consent order is drafted it could be very quick from now so I’d be telling them straight after SATs. Or the Friday before half term if you want this weekend to be fun after SATs. Could ex move onto the sofa for a while, I’d imagine it being confusing you sharing a bed. As soon as we told them we began living separate lives in the same house. Went to every other weekend with the kids etx

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