Need to separate but feel total panic

[AldiNappies]

Hello, hoping for some support as I work through what is going to be a really tough time. Kids are 7 and 4, relationship with partner is completely broken. He is angry and agressive and I walk on eggshells around him constantly. Deep down I know this has to end but I have been clinging on to hope. My worry is the impact on the children and how they will feel with their lives turned upside down when we split and house is sold. I worry what he will say to the children behind my back. I worry about losing part custody. It all just feels too huge.

No one should walk on egg shells, I was in your position 46yrs ago , Two children 1 and 3yrs, It was to spend the rest of my days in fear or leave for a better life for all 3 of us. I NEVER LOOKED BACK.I stayed with a freind and yes those first few weeks was a struggle , but I could breath and relax.
And my children grew up stable happy , not surrounded by a angry aggressive people.

Thank you for the reply. I feel so alone. He is lovely with the kids but absolutely horrid to me. I am so sad the kids will have to lead a double life and split their time between their parents. It's so awful.

Also started my own company and remarried to a wonderful caring man, so there is always a light at the end of a tunnel.

Find a lawyer asap. Then get a mesher order drawn up. This means you can stay in the house without having to sell until your last child is 18. Then surround yourself with family and friends. Also consider child visitation rights if you currently do 70% of the caring then this should be the recommended amount of custody you have and he has 30%. Then change the locks when he’s at work and put all his stuff in the garage for him to collect.

As he is good with the DC then they will be ok.

Right now we do everything 50:50, this is by design as he cannot cope when kids show a preference towards me and the only way to keep him happy has been to take turns with everything and I have to be vigilant to make sure I don't inadvertently do something with the kids that is "his thing" or play games with them that he usually plays etc. All the kids' bad behaviour is blamed on me.

He sounds very much a controlling partner and jealous one at that.As previous post say get a solicitor Tuesday set the wheels in motion and get out of that relationship, before it gets worse and the children get older.

I won't sugar-coat it; 50/50 is incredibly hard (both emotionally and fiancially) but so is feeling miserable and lonely within a relationship.
It's such a tough decision but you are not alone 💐

@Crispynoodle Meshers are becoming rarer , although possible , and they’re certainly not always a good outcome anyway. It’s not as simple as just get a mesher and kick him out

op can’t just do that nor change the locks

op you can start divorce but perhaps first ensure you have a good understanding of monies and child arrangements- see a solicitor, then make some decisions

Kids adapt so well, they really do. I grew up with parents who hated each other and always arguing and it’s had an impact on the whole of my life. You’ll feel so much better when not walking on egg shells. Once my ex and I started arguing I knew I had to leave as I didn’t want to put my kids through what I dealt with. We started 50-50, but once my ex realised that meant leaving work early, taking kids to appointments and not just the fun stuff, it soon changed. Youngest was 2 when we split and is 18 now. Their dad has spent half of that time working overseas but we maintained a good co-parenting relationship and kids are well adjusted adults.

Not impossible since my DD has just got one! It was a bit of a shock for her cheating ex. since he was relying on half the equity to buy his own house. Oh well! Luckily he went to stay with his mother but she did put his belongings in the garage